Hi! I was diagnosed with Chronic myeloid leukaemia in February 2024. I am on my 3rd line of treatment and my latest BCRabl was at 0%. Really really good news and I am so pleased to have got to this stage.
But emotionally and mentally I am exhausted. I don’t know why I feel like this. I am technically in medicated remission and I feel so pleased and grateful about that but I also feel deflated and anticlimactic.
When I was told I had reached 0% (over the phone) the doctor was very matter of fact, there was no fanfare. I had expected a bit more enthusiasm and congratulatory vibes but I didn’t get it. I didn’t get to ring a bell. And I think that makes me feel like I haven’t achieved anything when I know I have and that I am so fortunate.
I feel so guilty for feeling like this. Life kept going when I was diagnosed. I kept working. I kept going. Maybe I’m just burnt out?
Has anyone else ever felt like this in their blood cancer journey?
Thank you for your post. It is wonderful to hear your good news but I am sorry to hear how you are feeling.
Whilst I cannot related to this on a personal level, I just wanted to reach out and say that you are not alone in feeling this way. The feelings you mention of being mentally and emotionally exhausted are not uncommon at all, it’s something we hear often. Its an overwhelming and challenging time especially after all you have been through these past 17 months.
Its important to let your team know how you are feeling so they can reassure you and refer you for some psychological support from a counsellor if this is something you might find helpful. It is important to be kind to yourself and also look after your physical health. I have enclosed some information here which you might find useful Mind and Emotions
Our nursing support team would be very happy to talk and support you, if this is something you might find helpful. Our number is 0808 2080 888
Take care and let us know how you get on.
Fiona (support services nurse)
Firstly WOO HOO - congratulations on your 0% BCR::Abl result. This is fantastic news so let’s make it a moment .
Secondly, you are not alone in what you describe. I was diagnosed with Chronic myeloid leukaemia 13 years ago. I had two lines of treatment and it took me a long time to get to 0%, so I’m so pleased that you have got to this stage more quickly. I can relate entirely with the feelings of being mentally and emotionally exhausted, deflated and anti-climatic. You shouldn’t feel guilty (easier said than done I know) - you have every right to feel all the things you are feeling. It just shows the complexity of such a diagnosis, which on the face of it may seem fairly straightforward from a medical perspective. Although we are of course all different.
The focus from diagnosis is understandably on the physical treatment and progress and the emotional side is easily overlooked, but it is very real. You’ve been through an awful lot in a relatively short space of time, so now is the time for the emotional and psychological healing. I found it helpful to speak to someone to help me process my diagnosis and the psychological impact. That may or may not be right for you, but the key is to give yourself permission to go with the emotions and give yourself what you need in each moment.
Take care and do let me know if you have any questions. It’s so important to talk about this side of things.
@Fiona_BloodCancerUK thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate hearing that I’m not alone and that you have experienced other patients feeling the same way. It’s really reassuring and I will certainly talk to my doctors about it.
@MaggieLT Thank you so much for your words. It’s great to hear from someone else with Chronic myeloid leukaemia and that you have had some of the same feelings.
I will certainly have a read of your blog.
Chronic myeloid leukaemia is so strange. I’ve had a lot of fortunate things happen - I was diagnosed very early on & I’ve reached 0% in a relatively short space of time. It’s barely felt like I’ve even had cancer and yet here I am struggling mentally and emotionally. It’s just unexpected and so difficult.
So glad to know I’m not along in feeling this way!
so let’s make it a moment 
.