Thank you both, I’m feeling a little lost and lonely today with lots of thoughts going around in my head. I need to find a time to pop along when my sister isn’t at home, it’s hard being the relative as I feel selfish admitting to my sister I need help. She’s told me she needs me to be strong so that’s what I need to do.
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I know my husband and family found it really difficult and it’s so important you have somebody to talk to as well x
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Are you and your family doing ok now? xx
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Oh @DanielleH It certainly is not easy being a family member and/or carer.
You show how clearly how your sister and you are dealing with the situation differently.
There is no right or wrong way.
However I reckon that you show great strength knowing that you need some help.
I do not expect that your sister realises the pressures she is putting you under asking you to be strong for her.
xxxx
Thank you for your support over the last few days, it has come at a time that I’ve really needed it. It’s made me miss my mum so much more. I promise that once I have been to Maggie’s I will let you know how I get on. I suffered with depression after I lost my dad and I think it is kicking in again now.
@Karpeta I hope that you are doing ok, please keep in touch, even if you just want to chat about nonsense to keep your mind off things. My mum and I liked to watch movies where people got butt kickings so, I very much wait to hear your story xx
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We are - I’m seven years on from a lymphoma diagnosis and on active monitoring.
I know how hard they find it when I have my check ups though, yet they to try to stay strong for me. We are much better at talking about things now, just when I feel ready. It gets easier to navigate conversations and I do realise how hard it is for family as well as me x
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I am so glad you are doing well and your family too. It is scary for loved ones when appointments come around. It’s good that you can all talk about things, I don’t think enough of us do that these days. We just tend to make up the blanks and our thoughts grow arms and legs. I will admit that I am so bad for doing that xx
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Oh @DanielleH perhaps your grief and loss is naturally just compounding itself.
Perhaps as you say now is the time to seek help before your depression really sets in as I think it is so much easier to sink down into that black hole than to clamber back up out of it.
I am a very visual person and I think the descriptive way that you say that our thoughts grow arms and legs (and even octopus tentacles) is so true, thank you, it is my thought for the day.
I think trying to make yourself strong must be exhausting, perhaps you can be really honest how it is to be you with your forum family here.
Be ever so kind to yourself
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I think the grief is manageable when life is just plodding along but the worry and fear of losing my sister in the future is too much. Mum’s cancer journey was such a roller coaster of highs and lows that I worry it will be the same for my sister. It’s only been 4 months since we lost mum it’s all too raw to go through again. My cat has been my absolute rock, when I came home on Wednesday after my sister giving me the news, I sat on mum’s bed and cried. My cat came up the stairs, jumped on my lap and purred and nudged me until I felt better. I highly recommend pets to anyone who is struggling, they show such empathy. He even chased a giant spider this morning after it made me jump!
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Oh @DanielleH yes, I can really understand your feelings in your post and what a brilliant supportive, empathic rock your cat is.
Really look after yourself
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I finally had time alone today to go to Maggie’s. My sister had told me she knew I was struggling and that talking to someone in work word benefit me but, she couldn’t allow anyone in work to know. I had to come to terms with that and accept her wishes. It meant I have had no one to talk to and things for me hit a crisis point. I broke down in Maggie’s but spoke to a wonderful cancer specialist who told me I needed to put myself first to get my health in order. I have felt selfish thinking of myself as for the last 5 years I was supporting my parents and now my sister, it’s become the norm for me that I look after everyone and forget myself. It was put to me that I contact my GP too, I have an appointment on the 28th.
I hope everyone is this thread is doing ok? Xx
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Hi @DanielleH.
It’s so brave that you made the first step in getting help for yourself. It can be so hard to ask for support but you did it!
The GP appointment is also a good idea.
Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
It’s just really great to hear you are looking after yourself. I hope speaking to somebody has helped X
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Oh @DanielleH I cannot say how pleased I am that you are seeking help.
You have been the most loving carer for so long that perhaps something has to give and you also needed your sisters permission.
It is very interesting because in another situation and with my husband I did exactly the same as you and I broke down and it all spilled out with a person that I have never met in my husbands personnel dept, poor woman.
From what I have heard Maggies are great.
And what a good idea to make a GP appointment as well
The Blood Cancer UK support line is also there for you on 0808 2080 888
Perhaps give yourself the time and space you deserve and need oh, and please do keep posting
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Thank you both so much for your support, it does mean a lot and is a great help. It is hard having to put a brave face on things not just at home but at work too, there are people that I have known for 17 years who I know without a doubt I could trust, but I have to respect my sisters wishes. I have felt so selfish the last few weeks feeling what I have and needing help, I don’t want to take the attention from my sister’s situation. The lady I spoke to today was wonderful, she told me that how I felt was ok and that my sister had people around her if she needed help. I didn’t have anyone so it was ok that I concentrated on myself. The lady also wants me to visit the centre regularly so that they can be there for me but also meet people. I am going on Monday for a relaxation class and they have put me on a waiting list for art therapy in the new year. I would recommend Maggie’s to anyone on here who is struggling. They have told me that I can call in anytime for a cup of tea and have a chat with people
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Oh @DanielleH a relaxation class, art therapy, a cuppa and a chat sounds just what you need in my book.
Maggies have come up trumps, go for it
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They have. I’ll let you know how Monday goes, there were Canadian geese in the loch today by Maggie’s, I love geese and get excited when I see them. My sister’s surgeon needs to see her before her surgery next Wednesday, she hasn’t had an appointment through yet
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Hi @DanielleH oh, yes, please do let us know how you get on Monday and you sister gets on Wednesday
I reckon it takes a lot of courage and strength to accept help.
Be ever so kind to yourself you are worth it!!
I will do, I promise and I will send a photo of the geese. Thank you for saying I am worth it, L’Oréal would agree!
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Oh @DanielleH i also have numerous Canada Geese near to me, aren’t we so lucky.
I was trained as a L’oreal colouring stylist in about 1967.
My career took another turn.
I am in awe of geese as they have to travel such a long way to stay with us over the winter. On the day of mum’s cremation we went to an RSPB nature reserve where there are pink footed geese who have decided to move there permanently. Mum wanted a direct cremation as she didn’t want us to go through the pain of a service. It’s where she wanted her ashes scattering with dad’s when we are ready. On the day we lost mum we left her sleeping and went to see the swans at the hospital who had 7 babies. We were standing at the fence near the lake and the babies walked under the fence over to me and settled down at my feet. A few hours later we lost mum, I think someone had sent them to me to comfort me.
What care
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