Hello @SueM
We are so sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad.
We can imagine this is a devastating time for you all.
Please know that you are not alone and should you wish to talk things through with a member of our team you can contact us on 0808 2080 888.
Take care and be kind to yourselves.
If you need any further support please do get in touch,
Warm wishes,
Emma (Support Services Nurse)
Hi @SueM
Iām so sorry to be reading this and can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family.
Iām so glad he knew he had come home and that you were there for him.
Sending lots and lots of Love 
Sue, I am so sad to hear that you have lost your Dad. Thank you for letting us know. I have been thinking of you all weekend. I hope that you find comfort that you got him where he belonged and that he knew. You must be worn out with all the worry and the travelling. Take some time to recover and to come to terms will all that has happened so quickly. Erica has put things so well. I hope that you will keep in touch. Sending love and hugs to you and your family, Kate xx
Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing okay.
Thank you so much for your messages, and Iām sorry I havenāt replied sooner. Iām still finding it very difficult to process everything that happened.
It all happened so quickly ā from the initial diagnosis to the final, awful week when my dad was in hospital. I find myself going through so many emotions every day. I feel angry with my dad for not letting us help, and angry with myself for not doing more, even though I know deep down that it was impossible because he kept us at a distance.
I feel incredibly sad thinking about how he went from being such a strong farmer to someone who couldnāt even walk, all within less than three years. At the same time, Iām grateful that it was only in the very last week that he lost his independence ā he would have hated being bedbound for any longer.
I also feel like Iāve spent so much time supporting my mum through all of this that I havenāt really had the chance to process things myself. I sometimes feel a bit resentful about that, which then makes me feel guilty, because I completely understand how much she needed me. They had been together since they were 16, and he was her whole world.
Itās now been almost 9 months since my dad passed away (16th August), and Iām about to become a grandma for the first time. This is such wonderful news and has helped carry us through the past few months, but itās also incredibly painful knowing that my dad will never meet his great-granddaughter. He was a tough man, but he absolutely loved being a granda, and it breaks my heart that he wonāt be here for this.
I am grateful in a way that he didnāt know about the baby before he died, as I think that would have made things even harder for him and for us. But I still find myself wondering if more could have been done if he had let us help him.
Thank you for taking the time to read this ā it really helps to share with people who understand.
Oh @SueM I am so sad about what you have been going through over the last months but really appreciate hearing from you again.
Personally I would say all your thoughts and feelings are conflicting and so natural and as you say you have been supporting your mum, and probably your daughter, and not had the chance to process your grieving.
I really remember you tried everything you possibly could, but your dad was very adamant about his views.
We are always here for you and please wish your daughter well.
Give yourself time, be ever so kind to yourself, you must still be absolutely emotionally and practically exhausted. xxxx
Hi @SueM
Thank you for giving us all an update. Itās really good to hear from you. Please donāt apologise for not replying sooner. You have had so much to work through and itās still really early days.
Reading your post makes it easy to understand all of the different emotions that you are going through. So please, try not to feel guilty about any of them.
Itās sounds as though you have been such a great support to your family. However, I get that it means that you really havenāt had time to process your feelings and itās important that you try and find space to do that when you can.
Congratulations on the exciting news of beginning a grandma. This is really something to look forward to.
We are all here for you. Please take good care of yourself 