@CarlaWild welcome to the world of “What the #”*$ has just happened"
Not long after I had discovered this site after my diagnosis with Polycythaemia vera (PV), and talking to people away from the site, I started this thread. How did you react to your diagnosis?
One thing that came out is we all react the same and differently. People would have us believe in the various five, four or twelve steps of realisation/acceptance etc or reading the online buff, we are all 60 to 65 when the cancer hits.
60-65 is just the average age of when we finally get a diagnosis normally because all other avenues have been exhausted. Earlier than that, it takes some other course and you get a medical person who just happens to be more switched on regarding cancers.
This is your journey or dance with your cancer, a break up with the person you thought you were, hence the tears and a realisation you have to still live with this lump of stardust and water after it has let you down, hence the lack of trust in yourself.
People around you have to give you the space and support to find the new you and at the same time, work out how they fit into this new direction your body has decided to take you on.
When I told my dad and brother, in one way I was lucky, Dad is a prostate cancer survivor and my brother lost his partner to cancer during lock down, so both had already had an insight into the zone of helplessness that family and friends fall into.
It helps to provide them with clear details of the cancer, share the pages from this site regarding your cancer type, rather than letting them reading Doc Google. It gives you a new shared language (inspired by IKEA furniture names mostly) that helps build bridges.
Be honest about yourself and to yourself.
Just being honest with someone and say, “nope, I am having a really hard day, fatigue, emotional, symptoms etc” but give them something to hang on to, like “just give me an hour or so and I will ring you back, or come back this afternoon, yes, thank you , I appreciate you offering to do the shopping, speak to someone etc”
I have discovered it is like having to learn some frantic Scottish country dance like the reel, the steps are there for you to follow, seem crazy and frightening and to be done at speed, but once you allow your self to surrender to the music and trust your feet and others dancing with you, it does get easier.
Good luck with the journey
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