It’s time for me to say goodbye everyone.
“Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don’t remember me at all.”
Alfie
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Oh Alfie, I do not know what to say apart from that it is a real privilege and honour knowing you, albeit it virtually, You are so honest and give so much to others, you are a truly a very special person, Love you and thinking of you loads. xxxxxxx
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You have contributed so much to the forum and you will leave a hole. Thank you for allowing us to share some of your special thoughts and my thoughts are with you and your husband. With love
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Thinking of you Alfie, and thankyou for sharing so honestly your experiences xxx
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Thank you for sharing and supporting others so openly and kindly Alfie. We will miss you enormously. Our thoughts are with your family, and you of course.
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Go on your great adventure Alfie, surrounded by love and kindness 
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Hi, @MoDew, I haven’t heard from you for a while, how are you doing and feeling?
Hello Anthony,
I am sorry to read this, at the moment I’ve been really struggling with bad anxiety too, though not as badly as you. I had been doing really well with it and everything is ok really but I suppose in some ways that’s what is niggling me, things are too ok and so I am waiting for my world to come crashing down again as it did before… I will never feel ‘safe’. I just wanted reach out and say that I understand, its so hard and once you are in the grip of it its hard to get out… do persevere with the counselling, I’ve found that it takes time and a combination of things help.
Are you feeling any better since you posted this?
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Alfie, thank you for giving so much support to us when you’ve been going through a really tough time yourself. I hope you know how much of an impact you’ve made, you will always be remembered because of your kindness … thinking of you xx
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Thanks for your reply Anna,
I know exactly how you feel.
I wake every morning feeling terrified. After nearly 5 years of chemotherapy ( which is only supposed to be effective for 5 years) my anxiety increases daily.
The friends I thought I had have made themselves scarce and I’m terribly lonely.
Anxiety is like a snowball rolling down a hill, it keeps increasing.
I’ll carry on with the counselling although I’m not too happy with the councillor I’m seeing at the moment.
I have an initial telephone assessment with another one this morning which may help me.
I feel terribly insecure and threatened all the time.
Like you I’m waiting for something to go wrong, with my treatment that is.
Every pre chemo blood test is an ordeal, as it could show that the chemotherapy has stopped working.
I feel I’ve no control over my life anymore, just relying on medication to keep me alive.
It’s a heavy burden to carry.
All we can do is carry on and deal with it.
Good luck and best wishes
Anthony
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Hi Blackhat you describe your crippling anxiety so well, thanks, I am sure you will be helping so many others realise what is going on for them. I am so pleased you are checking out counsellors till you feel you have found the right one for you and that is a message to anyone else trying counselling.
Yes, you have a heavy burden to carry, take care of yourself.
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I have just come across this very old Post, but as it pertains to recent challenges, I have had, with the NHS, I thought some might find a response interesting.
I completely empathise with you, you seem to have had a proper runaround.
Recently I have asked for and obtained 2nd opinions, and feel much better for doing so.
Like you I have managed to pay for some treatments (Not always easy), and I think sometimes that this does cause some resentment with some NHS Medics.
I work on the principle of treating all with civility and politeness, which sometimes is seen, by some as a weakness.
However I would say to anyone who is having any kind of acrimonious responses, to persevere, as you so rightly imply, ‘It’s our body’
All the very best to all.Ron
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