Hello there @Muskyj, welcome to the forum. I’m so glad you found it here! I really empathise with what you’ve shared and wanted to say I’m sorry to read of the health worries that you’re managing.
Although I was diagnosed with a different blood cancer to myeloma, Polycythaemia vera (PV), and live with PTSD rather than bipolar, so much of what you wrote is familiar to me. It’s a lot to hold in mind, isn’t it?! Here’s the Blood Cancer UK information about myeloma: Myeloma | Blood Cancer UK
Something that reassured me at first after diagnosis was that of course I would feel more anxious and depressed, it’s horrible to find out you have cancer. All those thoughts about what was in my body, how it might progress, grim doomy stuff went around my head. What helped a bit was to try giving myself a break from that sort of spiralling doom-laden thinking and to actively expect to feel rubbish.
If I may be so bold, I’d say it’s really strong of you to share how you feel here. You are dealing with quite a health double-whammy… It’s not easy to open up about these sorts of worries as our loved ones and specialists can find it so hard to understand or know what to say.
Something else that helps me is to keep active in whatever way I have the energy for. I love hiking and still get out into the hills when I can, but I also now do yoga at home to keep me moving at more fatigued times. This time of year can be so dark too that it can help to get morning daylight into our eyes to keep our circadian rhythms in sync with daytime/nighttime and that can boost our energy. Just a couple of ideas—believe me, I know how even getting out of bed can seem insurmountable sometimes.
Would you want to do seek therapy if it’s accessible to you? Personally I love having therapy and am glad it’s kept me feeling some hope for tolerating my own double-whammy health stuff. I believe cancer organisations like Macmillan offer therapy, and you can always call the lovely specialist nurses here for ideas and support on 0808 2080 888.
If you’re in the UK maybe have a look around BACP and UKCP for therapists if that’s something of interest. I’d say ask to be referred for therapy by your GP but you’ll likely only be offered 6 sessions of CBT, if at all.
Please have a look around the forum. You’ll find others here living with myeloma and other blood cancers who are truly inspiring. It gives me hope, getting to know others here, that my own experiences can be tolerable and maybe it might for you too @Muskyj.