I have been having difficulty doing my yard work, I have not had the physical endurance to do the mowing and edging and other cleanup to keep my yard in great order. Today I got my son, who is in his 30s, to come by and help me. I did the edging, he did the mowing, and we both did the assorted cleanup of blowing off the grass in the street and sidewalk, doing necessary trimming, etc. Working together we got everything done, the yard is looking the best it had in months. I had to give up my pride in wanting to do everything my self, and my son was more than happy to help out. My wife made us a lovely lunch. I am doing my best to learn to accept help, it is good for me and for my family who want to do what they can.
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It’s really hard to accept help sometimes isn’t it but I’m glad you are seeing it as a good thing. It took me a long while to but always remember my mum saying I would do the same for somebody else, which of course I would.
Why do we find it so hard?!?
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Oh, thanks so much for taking the time to write this post @ProfessorJAK
I am not good at asking for or receiving help for so many reasons and excuses.
It comes from my upbringing and being taught that showing ‘weakness’ and not achieving are not positive attributes and mean that I would feel not wanted or liked or the good little girl. Also my own vulnerability, frailty, a shifting of roles etc.etc comes into it.
But you show how you and your family all pulled together and the feel good factor. Thank you I have learnt a lot from you today and I have a lovely mental picture of your pristine yard . Look after yourself
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Hello @ProfessorJAK
Thank you for posting your recent experience on the forum
This struck a chord with me.
I have Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia ('CLL') and do experience fatigue, often i take a nap in an afternoon (used to think it was just old man syndrome but i realise now its linked into my condition) and completing tasks - such as gardening you refer to - can and often is quite draining
A week ago i slipped a disc in my back, never done that before and don’t want to do it again, never the less this really put me out of action as you may appreciate.
My good lady wife is a keen gardener, but she is bone on bone arthritis on both knees and on a waiting list for knee replacements.
So, when it comes to gardening - we like you - work together as much as possible and take our time, there is always tomorrow.
It was lovely to read that your yard is looking good, we find looking at the work when complete is great from a mental health perspective.
I’ve always been a worker and want to crack on with jobs - but again - like you - accepting help is a great thing and helps us achieve ours goals, if only a quick tidy up round the garden
Take good care of yourself
Best regards
Mike
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Such a great post. It can be difficult to accept that what was previously possible is tougher now.
The thing I really missed post transplant was cooking. I just didn’t have the stamina for standing and chopping.
My wife took over and I found that hard as she was doing everything at that point.
Now back doing plenty of cooking which I find therapeutic.
Sometimes it’s important just to acknowledge our limitations which I know for me isn’t always easy.
Great to hear that through teamwork your yard is looking good 
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I hear you @GenesisDevice . My sweet wife loves to do gardening, and trimming, she insists on doing most of it herself. In part that is because she knows every plant and can usually even remember when and how we got it. She has pretty much banned me from trimming plants because I have made a few errors, thinking I was getting rid of overgrowth, but I actually had taken out some plants that would have bloomed in a few months!
She has offered to take over the lawn mowing but I have refused, adamantly. She broke her shoulder a while ago and still has some pain with that, also broke a leg a while ago. To be honest, keeping her away from the mower may have been what tipped me over the edge to call on my son 
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Thanks for your comment @Nichola75 I know for me I have a long history of being physically strong, lots of endurance, could do even the toughest jobs (as long as they did not require mechanical ability or knowing which plants not to cut). So it is a change for me. But we all have to learn and adapt. I can’t mow my lawn as well, but I am pretty good at teaching my 15 year old granddaughter to drive, so I am still making myself useful
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Thanks @Erica The yard is much improved but it is not quite pristine yet. Instead of a conventional lawn, when we moved here 30 years ago the front yard had been zeroscaped–relatively little grass in the lawn, lots of native plants that take up 90% of the front yard. I love that, although it requires a lot of trimming. But the yard is on a slope and is full of irregular surfaces, so it is a risk for me since I have a history of knee injuries and and one wrong step can mess me up. But the grass part looks awesome!
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Thanks @DuncanB Great to hear about your flexibility with the cooking. My wife broke her shoulder a while back, fell and landed on a concrete sidewalk. I had to take over most of the household chores for about a year. One trick I learned is that I buy lots of great healthy frozen vegetables. No chopping, no worries about them going bad–and to my tastes, they are great! I am on a low sodium diet but have not had any trouble finding frozen veggies that fit that requirement. I still chop up some stuff that just has to be fresh, like portabella mushrooms. I do understand that for some folks, they like to get fresh veggies and actually enjoy the chopping part of things.
We can all learn and grow–and those of us who have partners, children, etc. are fortunate not to be alone and have people who can step up to assist.
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What a lovely thread to start the week with. @ProfessorJAK, the image of the yard looking its best in months - and the lunch your wife made - made me smile. And thank you to @Nichola75, @Erica, @GenesisDevice and @DuncanB for jumping in so warmly too.
Accepting help is one of those things that sounds simple and really isn’t. I found it very difficult when I went through treatment, particularly from my parents, my then-boyfriend (now husband) and his Mum. But it helped me to realise that I would want to help them were the situation reversed, and that I’d be upset if they felt they couldn’t lean on me.
Take care,
Ceri
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