Hi Erica
I know how you’re feeling it was week before Xmas the GP told me he thought I’d got Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL). I kept it to myself until I was officially diagnosed in January 2020. I don’t go to Christmas markets anymore which I use to love. I have been to wildlife park lights with my son and family but it was all outside so felt okay to go. I have actually ventured into a couple of shops first time in nearly 2 years with my Ffp3 mask on was a bit unnerving but went when it was quiet.
My husband and I are going to my sons for Xmas day with our granddaughter as long as they are all free of cough\colds 
then to see our daughter and family for a few hours. I do worry about it but then I think I can’t shut myself off from my family all the time it’s too upsetting not to see them.
@Erica I agree that fuel bills are going to be an issue this winter. I’m really lucky in that I don’t really feel cold and don’t worry about it. The only time it affects me is if I have a cold. Anne on the other hand really suffers from the cold and works from home 4 days a week. Also having had the kitchen done we have bought two electric ovens and have a gas hob as we enjoy cooking (as least the turkey is going in the smoker though). Yesterday I made 2 different ketchup, a chilli sauce, a white loaf, a brioche loaf and cinnamon rolls. Christmas will involve a lot more cooking. I do enjoy BBQing and smoking and will be doing a lot more over the winter period.
This year I am very excited to be sharing Xmas Day and Boxing Day with my son, after spending the last 2 Christmases alone! Although I am coming up to the end of Cycle 4 of my Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) treatment (only 8 more to go after this!) and I should be super-careful to avoid catching anything (even a common cold), I am throwing caution to the wind and joining in with everything going on!
I still wear my FFP3 mask on the bus and in shops and I ask friends to take an LFT before I mingle with them, but I refuse to spend a single day ‘shielding’ like I should be!
I have great faith in the anti-viral treatments for Covid and, as part of my treatment am on daily anti-biotics and anti-virals anyway, so feel sure that, should I catch anything, I’ll be okay - and if I’m not, well at least I’m enjoying my time on earth as much as I can and don’t want to do so living in fear.
Wishing everyone a very happy Christmas and an awesome 2023 
@Erica It’s clear many of us feel exactly the same and it’s why this forum is so valuable, it’s at least something to know we’re not alone.
My ‘cancerversary’ was at the end of November and it always brings with it some degree of reflection. Being so close to Christmas, it somehow seems amplified by the season in exactly the way you describe. My consultant appointment at the end of last month brought the first signs of progression too and inevitable as that was, I’d hoped for a little more time before that would start to manifest itself. Still, life goes on whilst it does, eh?!
The sense of being left behind by society is palpable though; and is again amplified by the season; if I hear the phrase ‘the pandemic is over’ one more time, I may just scream! It’s not over for us and thousands like us. We would normally visit my partner’s family at Christmas (my own are all back up in Scotland), but haven’t since the advent of the pandemic as my internal risk assessment says that socialising indoors with the wider family including all the kids is just too great. Whilst we miss seeing them of course, we do try to make the very best of the quiet Christmas we’ve had the last couple of years and will try to do the same again this year. To be honest, we spoil ourselves rotten and try to revel in pleasing ourselves with what we do/ eat and when we do it rather than being beholden to the crowd. Every cloud and all that! 
This is a very important community and, whilst I don’t post an awful lot, I’m grateful to all of you. So, whatever you all end up doing, I hope you have a lovely and peaceful Christmas and a happy and as healthy as possible New Year.
Hi @SpaceAngel it sounds as if you have thought about this dilemma thoroughly, how wonderful to be spending Christmas with your son at last.
I am sure it will give you so much pleasure and a great big emotional boost.
Look after yourself and enjoy
Thanks @CosmicHobo your post really helped me as I related so much to it.
I also believe in spoiling ourselves and try to revel in pleasing ourselves with what we do/ eat and when we do it rather than being beholden to the crowd.
I agree that every cloud and all that.
Keep posting next year
Hi everybody (too many to mention). @Erica , this was a thread that was definitely worth starting as you can see from the many responses which highlight the challenges people are facing and the anxiety they are feeling, for so many reasons.
I think I’ve had yo get back in to the big wide world because I needed my job.
Working in a school doesn’t adhere to the social distancing I longed for last year. In one way I suppose it’s been positive because I’ve had no choice - I know I’m up to date with vaccines and got through covid so that helped. On the other hand, it frustrates me that it all seems to have been forgotten, especially with the amount of illnesses in schools at the moment.
All I can do is be as careful as I can. I’m looking forward to Christmas (most of it) and the new year being with close family.
I’m still nervous if trains so I’ll drive to Somerset house for ice skating next week, even though it will cost be a bit more and I’ll be in traffic no doubt!
I hope people just find a way to get through it the best they can in order for them to have a little bit of Christmas magic and sparkle.
Sending lots of love to everybody X
Yes - it’s important that he decides to seek that support. You sound like you have helped so much. It must be very difficult for you alongside everything else X
This forum is such a special place isn’t it! I hope you spoil yourself rotten this Christmas with amazing food, good TV and perhaps a little tipple 
I bet you can’t wait to spend Christmas with your son. Enjoy every minute x
Hi @Willow. So much going on for you at the moment - it must all be very overwhelming and it is completely understandable how you are feeling. We are always here for you. I really hope that you can get back to some of the things you love doing in the not so far away future. Be kind to yourself X
Hi @Erica.
Learning to say no is a magical thing and a word I no longer feel guilty about using!
You have so many feelings that christnas brings up - isn’t it strange how one day can bring happy memories and some sad.
I’m glad you get to share these on the forum as it makes us all realise we are not alone X
@Adw265 I’m not brave enough to do Christmas dinner on the BBQ. I’ve cooked loads of different stuff though. Fair play and a Christmas cap doff to you.
@Erica Hot Mince pie and clotted cream is mine, oh and cheese (Dorset Blue Vinny) & biscuits with a glass of port.
Hi Erica, my husband and I shall spend Christmas alone again for the third year. We shall see our 'bubble ’ friends for a brief present swap and have a zoom call with our family. We have decided to not join the family, mainly because some of the younger members have refused any Covid19 vaccines and we just don’t feel safe.
However you choose to celebrate, we send our very best wishes for your safety and Christmas joy. xx
Hi All, I have really been struck by how many of us were either diagnosed around the festive season or the festive season still has an impact on our behaviours today.
Hi
My first Christmas with blood cancer and have my first 6 month review tomorrow ! So some anxiety but staying positive . I’m finding the run up to Christmas quite tiring lots to do and not enough time to do it in. I’m a forensic nurse examiner and working Christmas Eve so hoping it’s not busy. Looking forward to some time with family over Christmas especially the 4 grandchildren who at 4,5,6 and 7 years old and are very excited . Wishing you all the best this Christmas x