@Jaqsplat thanks for the honesty, as patients we can go into survival mode, trying to deal with the fear, the uncertainty, the information fog overload, that we can find it hard to deal with others, no matter how close or how much we care or love them.
Any illness can create a bubble reaction, I have this much left and I can only share or handle one person right.
His girlfriend stepped up and took the gift he was giving her, his trust. Patients don’t lock others out because they hate you, don’t trust you or care anymore, they do it to protect you and themselves.
My soon to be ex wife, watched me fall apart trying to hold it together, have various doctors say, oh it is this, or no it is not cancer, it could be this…it wore her down. My illness became a third party in our marriage controlling it.
A friend recently was involved in a small car accident (not her fault), got up at 4am in pain and took some pain killers. She sent a message saying she got how much pain I must have been in after mine and how the cancer affected my recovery. She was there for me after the crash when I needed her to be, otherwise, she stepped back and let me find my own feet to recovery.
Your son is finding his recovery path, his girlfriend by his side, their survival bubble, just letting them know you are there when and if they need you is the best thing you can do no matter how hard it is for you.
My Dad is 83, lives miles away, but he always says on the phone, “I know I cannot do anything to help, but I am always here if you need to talk.” That is enough for me and him.
Good luck on both your journey’s
Popping by to see how you’re doing! X
Hi. Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been meaning to reply but it’s been difficult to face this what’s happening. Ollie is doing well physically but emotionally it’s been incredibly difficult. I was just reading @clickinhistory ’s last post to me about his bubble. That is what Ollie is living in. He has just finished a very difficult round 3. I think he just wants to shut everyone and everything out until he’s through this. We hear his fears in between conversations but he doesn’t openly talk about them. He said the other day he has a pain inside and was worried he’d be told it’s another form of cancer. He doesn’t want to see me or his dad much anymore. He’s in an out of hospital he doesn’t stay a moment longer than he has to. The hospital understands and keeps his bed open so he leaves early hours after chemo, goes home then returns next day for anything he needs to return for. He wants it all to go away. I can hear he resents us and his brother and sister for being able to live normally. He doesn’t return their messages and barely returns ours. It’s all so sad but I try not to take it too personally. I cry often. At random times. I miss the boy and man he was. So full of love and happiness. Now he doesn’t smile. I live in the hope that this is not forever. It’s just a moment in time I tell him. I wish he would let me hug him to sleep but he is far too big for that 
. His partner is no different. They are both on hold and do what they can to pass the time until the next round. No smiling or laughing. Well not with us at least. I said at the start of this that my heart was broken - well it still is. The pain is still there. But we must live and carry on as best we can.
Oh I feel so, so sad @Jaqsplat.
It must be absolutely heartbreaking heartbreaking for you as you say.
Yes, your son must be really struggling and hurting as you acknowledge, but especially as a mum I cannot imagine what it is like for you and the feelings it brings up.
I am not surprised that you often cry and randomly and your son doesn’t smile or laugh currently.
It sounds as if he and his wife are working as a team.
Now I know this must seem impossible for you but perhaps just try and keep it in the day and remember the saying about taking it out on your nearest and dearest.
My heart goes out to you and I so admire you, you are coping so well.
Please do keep using us to say how it really is for you and don’t forget the Blood Cancer UK support line is also there for you on 0808 2080 888.
Be ever so kind to yourselves xx