Hi everyone , I was diagnosed with aggressive diffused B cell non Hodgkin’s lymphoma , the type Burkitt’s lymphoma , I was hoping there might be someone on this site that went through the same as me , it’d be nice to know or compare our cancer journey , I was diagnosed in June and of September my last chemo regime & October in remission . Now my recovery journey begins , 9-12 mths for my immune system to be back again… 18-24 mths for me to be back before precancerous state , I have good and bad days , but to be expected from what I went through ,
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Hi @Jay and welcome the the forum. I have low grade Non Follicular Hodgkin lymphoma so I have been on a different journey to you. However, I hope somebody on the forum will be able to share their experiences with you.
A really difficult time for you to receive a diagnosis and treatment. I hope you had a good medical team around you.
I think the recovery is often the hardest, both building up your emotional and physical strength. How are you doing at the moment? Do you have lots of support around you?
I think we can all relate to those good and bad days. What this forum guarantees is that you never feel alone. We are always here for each other. I’m sure your experiences will also support others.
I look forward to learning more about you. Sending lots of special wishes X
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Oh @Jay a great big welcome and what a lovely way to introduce yourself to us but posting a picture of you ringing ‘The Bell’, what an emotional event.
I hope someone will have a similar diagnosis to you on here.
Your body has been through such a lot medically, physically, emotionally and practically and also in Covid times.
It will take time and yes, many good and bad days.
I am far more emotional since diagnosis, tears spring from nowhere.
Fatigue is my biggest daily challenge.
The most difficult thing for me is to ask for help and accept it.
We might not have had the same diagnosis as you, but I am sure we share so many other things so please keep posting as I would like to hear more about you.
Be kind to yourself
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Evening Erica , 
I finally found/worked out how to use this site , you are so right to many mixed emotions , good/bad and sometimes each 1 running into each other , I had a meltdown yesterday afternoon after I showered my son (29 yrs old Cerebral Palsy and additional support needs) I had a shower after him and when I was drying myself i just melted , have no idea where it came from it was a flashback to when I was in hospital very ill & needed showered & dried , I was ok 1 minute then the next tears flooding the wet room , just as well I was in the right place , pulled myself together before I went downstairs to Andrew , today I’m in a more positive mindset as I had Andrew & Gary home for a few days to celebrate my birthday so good reason to keep smiling behind my hurt , but every day is a new day , new start , I know it’ll take time for me to heal but I’m still here as where I shouldn’t have been , on top of everything going on with me , mum passed away a month after I got out of hospital , Mother’s Day was the last time I saw her till she went into hospital , but I’m here , my boys might still be in care ,but I’ll get there I’m a survivor Xx 
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Hi @Jay,
Thank you for opening up a discussion and sharing your own personal experiences.
What a wonderful picture this is and i hope it reminds you of how proud you should feel & also how strong you are. I hope you are feeling okay today?
It sounds like you are doing really great but having a rollercoaster of emotions is absolutely to be expected and the path through remission is certainly not linear.
There are no rules of what & when you should feel and all too often our feelings can creep upon us completely unexpected.
Often people feel once they have time off from treatment and are having less hospital appointments & distractions this in turn allows for more time. Time to recover but also time to think and reflect on what you have just been through.
It is also important to know that you can share your experiences with others and also know that if you do ever wish to talk anything through at all, our support service line is only ever a phone call away- 0808 2080 888.
Do Take Care, Lauran
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Hi @jay, firstly, I would like to apologise for not saying that all thoughts and emotions are valid there are no bad emotions. I must have regressed to my childhood as I was brought up that good little girls only had ‘nice’ thoughts !!!
Yes, since diagnosis tears erupt at any moment for no reason, although The Karen Carpenter story really made me sob one New Years Eve.
What I can do so easily is to put the smiley mask on to hide what is really going on.
How absolutely wonderful to haver Andrew and Gary home for a few days to celebrate your birthday with you.
I expect the next few weeks will be even more challenging for you as it will be the anniversary of you coming out of hospital and your mum passing away so please be extra, extra kind to yourself.
In the words of the song ‘I’m a survivor’, you sure are and please keep posting you are part of our forum family.
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Evening Erica ,
I love Karen Carpenter , she had a fab voice for a lady way back then , Awful to think the way she went , hope she’s been entertaining everyone with her beautiful songs up in heaven…
I called my boys this afternoon , Andrew was away out with a staff member to get a few items for the home so before he came in I got to talk to Gary my youngest , so after talking to them that’s enough to cheer me up , just at this moment , Gary has a bit of a problem going on so it’s affecting everyone , including the staff in the home as well as the other residents , A mother being a mother wants to put her boxing gloves on to protect her young , Reminds me of my mum & her saying… If you don’t ask you don’t get - ( ASK ) - you don’t get for asking , how confusing for a young child , me the youngest - doesn’t matter how old you get you’ll always be my baby , meet someone , who’s this with you , is that Mary ( my big sis ) no this is the baby , red face me older than 40yrs old , Mum have you got to say that , you can say my name , reply - I could but you still are my baby
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Hi Jay, yes, Karen Carpenter had a really beautiful voice and so, so sad a life cut short.
Yes, our upbringing messages really stay with us don’t they. I was a born carer. I can remember our headmistress saying we should be selfless.
How great of you as a mum wanting to protect her chicks, no matter how old they are or where they are.
A saying from me -Take care of yourself as well as you care for others
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Hi Erica ,
Wise words from a wise lady , I fell asleep after our last message not long woke up , so I must have needed it , plus a neighborhood popped in to ask me something , so we ended up having a 20 - 30 min chat , so seeing someone also brightened me up ,
I might have ended up with cancer , but my life is still worth living & plus my boys might be in care , but they still need me , and also in a way I still need them , they are my life , old age turned (56) , sis said as in today’s records that’s not old compared with 40 yrs ago , today’s old is 72 yrs apparently , so I have a while yet , my night is just beginning after my siesta , so I’m off to the kitchen for a juice & fruit cocktail tub that I bought in M&S , enjoy the rest of your Sunday night… We should have a forum day where we can all meet up and have a cuppa , think that would be great , plus people like me , give me a reason to get up and out…
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Evening Erica ,
Had quite an emotional time today , the hospice called me & as I was going over things with them I got upset about last year my cancer diagnosis and mum passing away to much in a short space of time…
I put a plan in motion for tomorrow , I’m taking Andrew (my eldest son) out and we’re going to spend the day together , I’ve got appointments on , on Wednesday so he’ll be going back to the home unhappy for him , but I said he could stay another night , I think we’ll start by going to Largs for an Ice Cream then take it from there , then either before or after t - time I’ll take him back to the care home… The staff are amazing and I don’t have any worries about them being there and they have finally started to settle down which is good also , as it make my recovery journey easier ,. So I’m going to go , get my things ready for tomorrow , I’ll keep in touch and let you know how our day went…
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Hi @Jay perhaps you needed to let it all out with the hospice, yes, you think what has happened in such a short space of time in this last year.
I bet you really miss your mum so much, there are times when you just need your mum.
How lovely to spend your day with Andrew and ice cream seems a fitting way to start your day.
Oh, I just fancy ice cream now.
Yes, please keep in touch and enjoy your day. Be kind to yourselves.
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Hi @Jay. I hope your day went ok today. Been thinking off you X
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Evening Nichola75,
I had a fab time today with Andrew , it’s like swings and roundabouts with my boys , get Andrew today now Gary wants his days with mum , this rate they’ll be here more than they are at the care home 
, The other week Andrew had to isolate at mine so he ended up being here from Wednesday to Saturday , now Gary wants it , I said if I was able we’d do next Wednesday till Friday morning when he gets picked up for the park , can either come back here or back to the care home , but enjoyed seeing the boys more often , being separated from my boys was worse than having cancer depending what treatment I was on… what’s your plans for tomorrow & the rest of the week ?
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Morning @Jay. I’m so glad you had a lovely day with your son. It must be so hard not having them with you but it sounds as though you all appreciate the special - albeit - reduced time at the moment. Sometimes what comes with cancer is harder than the cancer itself. I’m looking forward to hearing about the next visit.
I just read your other response on a different thread. You are doing so much to get out and about. I’m really impressed as I know how hard that can be.
I’m at work until tomorrow. Can’t wait for the weekend. It was lovely driving him daylight this morning and not the dark. It makes such a difference to how I feel.
Let us know how you get on at the community centre X
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Evening Nichola75 , I’ve had a busy day , not a minute to myself especially to let the negative thoughts jump on me , First had a meeting about my boys , that took us up to lunchtime , after that I went shopping then went to the Mall to see a pal that has a stall , so I treated myself to a pair of earrings and a sun catcher , going to hang it in my car , I popped over to see the boys but only Gary came out to see me , Andrew was to busy with his Tab 7 , I’m now sitting Infront of the tv with Corrie on , completely knackered so going to chill for the weekend , how’s you this week , what you got planned for the weekend ??
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Hi @Jay. I’m exhausted reading your post! I reckon you definitely need a chilled out weekend! What does a chilled weekend look like for you? Good to hear you treated yourself. I make sure I have a treat at least once a week!
It’s my birthday tomorrow. Cinema in the morning, a chilled afternoon and out for something to eat on Sunday. In and out chauffeuring my daughters about inbetween! They have a much better social life than me! Just waiting for my 16 year old to call asking to be picked up. We just want to go to bed
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Nichola75 , Either happy birthday or Belated happy birthday , hope you had a fab time at the cinema , I’m still a bit (No No) when it comes to going out or places like the cinema , my immune system is still vulnerable , I’m trying hard to not let cancer (remission) rule my life , but I’m gradually getting out more , just taking my time , as I still get tired & sore soon after i go out , so shopping trips are short , or take longer because of me , I’m now at the coo’s tail . I’m having a chilled out relaxing weekend Infront of the tv , I cleared out my bedroom the other day , took me all day to do it , it runs from Andrew’s bedroom to mine , a lot of stuff , just as well Andrew’s not here , I’m going to go through it slowly and get rid of what I don’t need , total clear out , then start downstairs . Hope you’re having a lovely weekend…
flowers for a lovely lady Xx
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I’m love weekends in front of the TV! I’m a bit funny about the cinema to but it’s a film that has been out for a while and was only 10 people including us in a big screen viewing. Prob helped that we went early.
Bit by bit and you’ll get sorted. Enjoy your chilled weekend X
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Swings and roundabouts are normal @Jay glad you’re getting some fun. I made up my mind I’d take every opportunity to have fun and laughs that I could get after my diagnosis, even during the pandemic.
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Morning Franko ,
Thank you for contacting me , im a bit at a no man’s/ladies land at the moment , my emotions are up and down , worse than a roller coaster , last week was my 1st time being out at a group , I went with a volunteer from Your Voice in Greenock , I enjoyed my afternoon as unexpected it was afternoon Tea and sing a long song day , that filled up my afternoon , im here myself as my 2 adult sons of 29/26 with Cerebral Palsy and additional support needs were taken into care and their still there as I’m not fit enough to look after them , I can see them whenever I want but miss them being here 24/7 , love my boys to bits and typing this is making the tears come on , I’m a bag of mush , I alone and lost , so I’m going now as I don’t want to say anymore… but thank you ,
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