Hi there,
I am a dual citizen living in California
I was very recently diagnosed with Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) after a routine annual physical examination-
I have no symptoms and lead an active lifestyle
The mind game is the hardest thing to deal with knowing that there is something I have in my body that I cannot be cured from which is different than anything I’ve ever experienced.
I’m at the very beginning stages of this process still digesting a new reality
Hi @Imhisnibbs
I was diagnosed with Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) last year , I have a few symptoms but try to keep as active as I can … I miss running but walk daily
I know what you mean about the mind game of it all , it’s a weird feeling knowing you are “ill” with something that feels terrible and scary but you feel generally okay …. Very odd situation to be in .I think you can’t understand it unless you’re in a similar situation
You will find the forum really helpful. People are friendly and full of wise and informative advice.
There are several really useful resources and pages on the site so have a look around
Be really kind to yourself, give yourself time and space to deal with things as the emotions can take you by surprise
And let us know how you are getting on
Best wishes
Hello there @Imhisnibbs, welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry to read of your diagnosis with Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) and how it’s affecting your mood. I was diagnosed last year with a different blood cancer, Polycythaemia vera (PV), but recognise and empathise with how you’ve described all this affecting you mentally.
I love the advice @DottieB offered and would only add this link to the information Blood Cancer UK has about Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL): Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) | Blood Cancer UK
If you check for Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) around the forum you’ll likely find many others living with it and personal tips of what helps them.
I note you said you’re an active person and live in California. Me too! Hey there from the Bay Area! Hopefully you live in a region where you’ve got “hella” access to our beautiful state’s outdoors, maybe even a redwood forest or 2—personally, I don’t know what I’d have done without being able to get out into nature here to reflect on living with a chronic blood cancer since my own diagnosis.
Forest-bathing/nature therapy, as I’m sure you know from living here, is really good for our mental health and any kind of exercise, especially outdoors and/or slow stretchy types like yoga, tai chi, or Pilates are so good for us while we get used to our treatments and beyond.
Keep us posted about how you get on. Have a look around the forum to find others living with Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL), I’m sure folks living with it will have more specific advice.
Welcome to the forum @Imhisnibbs. I’m very sorry about your diagnosis but, fortunately, Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) has a very good prognosis and excellent treatment processes. I was in your situation almost exactly a year ago. I thought I’d be symptom free for a very long time, on watch and wait, but for some reason I developed strong symptoms within a few months and began transfusions and treatment in January/February. By April I was in remission and have, except for a bacterial infection in June, been almost living my usual active lifestyle again.
I hope your path is even better than mine. I’m very grateful for the research that has enabled my successful treatment and wonderful care by the NHS.
Warm regards, Gael
Thank you for the response and support
Long may your remission continue!!!
Hi @Imhisnibbs a great big welcome to our forum.
I also have Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) and was diagnosed 20 yrs ago at 53 yrs ago and I have always been on ‘watch and wait’ or ‘active monitoring’
I am actually fitter now than I have ever been, I am a believer in fresh air and I am a great walker, running is out because of osteoporosis.
I am also a Pilates girl.
My 70th birthday was my best ever.
You are completely right that the mind games are the hardest part and I personally think very natural.
I am sure my emotions have been on high alert and go up and down with no logic at all since diagnosis.
When I was diagnosed firstly I felt in a bubble with the world going on around me and I also had this weird sensation of wanting to pull the leukemic bloods out of me.
Anyway I find this a very supportive forum and I can say how it really is for me,
The main thing you can do is really look after and be very kind to yourself and keep enjoying yourself and posting on here as I look forward to hearing more about you.
Thank you Duncan- from one Bay Area resident to another
I really appreciate your input and wish you well
I already feel this a helpful forum with responses from people like yourself- thank you and best wishes
Oh how uncanny @Imhisnibbs! Well it’s nice to know we’re in the same time zone and maybe even the same side of the bay 
Thought I’d share a link for the LLS virtual blood cancer forum that’s coming up, in case you’ve got the space for that next month and might like to register. Their in-person conference earlier this year in San Francisco was great: Welcome
Thanks again- from Marin