Dear Erica
Thanks for starting this thread which I think is a really important issue. Personally I think it’s important that children are allowed to attend the funeral and any wakes/family gatherings following the death of a loved one. They are incredibly perceptive and I think they need to know what is going on otherwise they will start “filling in the blanks” themselves. My father died when my oldest son was two and we had my dad back at the house in an open coffin so friends and family who wanted to could come and pay their respects. This is very common in the part of the country where I come from. We brought my son in and explained to him what was happening and he look at my dad and said “Grandpa is going to heaven in hes boat” as that’s what he thought the coffin was. He also attended dads funeral and after he understood that dad was no longer with us and accepted that, while he did miss him. He was also happy to talk about him and often talked about his boat journey to heaven. I think we underestimate the ability of children to understand grief and bereavement and I think it is more harmful to block them out of everything even if the intention is to protect them.
Of course I appreciate this is my view and experience and others may have different opinions.
All the best,
Peter