How do you find balancing life and work with caring for a loved one with blood cancer?
It is so, so difficult balancing life and work whilst caring for a love one. This was some years ago and I was not caring for someone with blood cancer, but I was a carer. I believe most employers have policies in place now but when I was a carer I had to act at work as if it was not a problem although I used to get so upset inside that people would ask about the patient and not me. It was like having 2 full time lives that I lived at once with the anxious thoughts and feelings being there full time. I had the mask on at work, but no one could see behind it to my mind racing of what I had to do, how and when. Taking leave for the patients medical appointments and clock watching all the time. But I was brought up that you give 100% of yourself at work, but was I really. I have the greatest respect for carers, I think it is the hardest job in all the world.
Thank you for sharing your experience within the Online Community Forum. Carers deserve as much respect as possible.
@Erica, Could you over some information regarding a similar situation? Did you have someone to speak to during this time?
Hi Josh, I think the advice I would give would be to either talk to an appropriate support line or to really good friends. I did not talk or ask for help, I wanted to be seen as the perfect carer and coper.
I think speaking to a good friend is really helpful. How did it make you feel to be seen as the perfect carer and coper?
Hi Josh, I think I was brought up that being the coper and carer were qualities and if you strived for perfection you would be wanted and loved. I was also brought up to be seen and not heard and asking for help was a weakness and therefore would not gain love from anyone. A difficult message to overcome. In my first marriage I definitely tried to be the perfect housewife and wife and I think that is why I was disillusioned when that ‘was not enough’. Also I tried to be what I thought the other person would approve of so nobody really got to know me till a few years ago. When I was working I put a sign on my desk saying ‘I learn so much from my mistakes I think I will make some more’ and I was told to take it down !!! My family and friends now, I think, like me warts and all. That was why it was so hard for me to be vulnerable and not perfect. My husband now usually hoovers and washes the floors, the trick is to make him think he does it better that me !!
I think your post resonates with many people trying to be the perfect person or house wife. Some people may feel like they have to be the best and put on an image that doesn’t really match there personality. I think its nice just to be yourself and let me people get to know the real you.