Ok, so I am now dealing with breast cancer after recovering from Hodgkins Lymphoma, which I had 13 years ago. Both my husband (my carer) and myself are retired and 60+. We muddled along when I had HL, and my youngest was still at home and in a way helped us both while still dealing with how it affected him. Hubby carried on going out once a week with his best friend, I met with friends occasionally when I had a really good day, and we also had the support of our other two children who visited regularly.
This time it is so different. I had to tell my children of my diagnosis over the phone. As the older 2 have young children we have barely seen them since March (when I also had another unconnected major operation!) and the youngest is in Manchester and we have not seen him since last Christmas.
We are a strong family, but my husbandâs only escape from me is going to the supermarket. We have got into the thing of having Takeaway Wednesday and a glass of wine as a treat. He is very good at picking up nice foodie treats and chauffeuring me around, but obviously now we canât see the children, and he canât see his mate. He does have home based hobbies to keep him busy, but I do feel guilty about being a drain yet again, and with no respite in prospect. We do joke that he married me âIn sickness and in ill healthâ and my breast consultant did ask the secret of our long marriage
How are other carers been looked after? Any tips for me please?
Hi @Pisces56, thank you for starting this topic, it is long overdue, I think being a âcarerâ is the hardest job in the world, who asks the carer how they are? They are the ones that try and keep all those plates spinning.
I once heard a carer say that it was their birthday and they were completely exhausted and a good friend came round and handed them a box of chocolates, their spirits immediately rose and then the friend said âthose are for your husbandâ. The carer just went and cried for for hours.
Sometimes family and friends cannot support carers so this forum is here for you and if you would like to talk someone you can contact the Support Services Team on 0808 2080 888 (10am-7pm Monday-Friday, and 10am-1pm Saturday and Sunday) or via email at support@bloodcancer.org.uk is a support to share what it is really like to be a carer.
Carers please try to look after yourself as well as you look after the patient, emotionally and physically, you are all stars, where would we be without you.
I await others posting on this topic.
Hi @Pisces56. Your husband sounds amazing! Like @Erica I think this is such an
Important topic, especially in the current situation. Itâs so important to remember and think about how they are doing isnât it. What does your husband say about the situation? Does he share his feelings. I know my husband doesnât always do this. Sometimes I forget just how much he worries. We had an electrician coming today and I said it was ok for him to go to work. A few hours later he said he really didnât feel comfortable with me having to be here on my own and he had booked the day off. It opened up the conversation again and allowed me to check he was ok. How are you doing at the moment @Pisces56 and @Erica? @Pisces56 please take care of yourself. Spending special wishes x
Yes I think I will hold on to him 
I did tell him last week that I couldnât understand why he wants to stay around this broken person, and he gave me a gentle hug and said because he loves me! I donât feel loveable, more like one of those creatures children draw from Greek mythology, but the many scars on my body tell my story. I hope that the 3rd (underarm)breast disappears as it is most uncomfortable. I have a few medical appointments coming up in the next 2 weeksâŚa change of scenery, and hopefully a way forward. I also have another reflexology session, courtesy of my health authority, in 10 days.
We are open as a family, and now more able to deal with things this time around. Our youngest had strong words with G about how to deal with his anger, as he remembers what it was like first time round, but both our reactions are completely different this time. I guess we have both lived with cancer and its after effects for 13 years now, so it is just part of our life. G has also attended many BCUK events with me, which gave him a chance to speak with other people about how they deal with things, and he also spoke at The Christie about what it was like being a carer a couple of years ago. Those Impact days were so good werenât they @Erica?
Take care of yourselves, and a thank you and a hug of appreciation for our carers also goes a long way 
hi @Pisces56 hope youâre doing okay?
A very big thank you for starting this topic, one thatâs often not talked about as much as it should be we feel! so thank you so much again!
We do really encourage people to keep sharing their experiences, itâs also so interesting to hear it from different perspectives 
How have others found things?
I think you have perfectly illustrated how difficult life is for carers @Pisces56. Iâve never had an official career it I wouldnât want to be my carer as Iâm an impossible patient ! I know I gave some of the nurses in hospital a hard time at points (some of it deserved for the chaos they were bringing to my life!). You sound like youâve got someone very special. When I first got ill, a friend did all my shopping and fetched my meds and doctorâs notes. Iâm not sure how he managed to fit all of my needs in as well as working full time and having time for his partner, but Iâm very glad that he did.