Don’t know if this resonates @clickinhistory but sometimes after a sustained period of keeping it together or relief at something going better than expected I can get a dip in mood and energy. Hopefully things are picking up again.
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@2DB lovely photo
Joys of being a mainly black white photographer, always looking for the light in the dark or the shadow in the light
PS I trust you took a running jump at the rope swing on the branch and cannon balled the water 
@Duncan I get that, didn’t help of breaking down and an over night recovery last Thursday into Friday, lovely recovery truck with an USA designed and built trailer, but really really really uncomfortable passenger seat
4 hours of sleep in 48hrs.Further proof though about dancing with cancer on the day it gives you rather than number watching.
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Ah well that may well have been enough to tire you out even pre-Polycythaemia vera (PV)! It would set my energy levels back days even in the before-times. Amazing that you have the energy for your work when obstacles like that get in the way. Uncomfy seats should be banned. Didn’t they know you had blood tests the day after?!
I do love that chiaroscuro you capture in your photography. Much like real life, light and shadows…
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@Duncan I have noticed the fatigue more since starting on the hdroxy, also the brain fog, rolling emotions. I guess this is the chemo and the cancer having their summer ball dance off in the school gym, otherwise known as my body.
Funny just reread that last bit, my body. Is it anymore? As we all know now know, we are just a host for trillions of bacteria, fungus, viruses that have learnt how to manipulate their host to their own needs. Be nice if these hitchhikers would help in dealing with those pesky cancer cells
Now waiting on the dermatological team to look at my photos (due to changing legal requirements a software update meant my first set of shots were lost lol) of my mole. Another part of my body now being sent out to the control of someone else.
It is like most serious illnesses I guess, you entrust your body into the hands of others and hold on to the guard rails for the ride. Which throws our mental states way off, as we have no real control of what carries us around everyday.
Saw one of my local GP’s yesterday for the second photo shot for the mole, and he made the comment about cancer, especially blood cancers, being a highwire act of balance of hyper awareness and trying to live a normal life, with the drain on our physical and mental energy.
Picking up on the uncomfortable seat idea, our blood cancer is the uncomfortable seat and we are for ever trying to find that sweet spot to sit comfortably.
@Duncan I love 16th century Dutch paintings for their use of light and shadow to define life and subject, but also we lose so much by viewing them in artificial modern lights. An old friend said many were painted to be viewed by candle light as much as day light, light that dances and changes, bringing a 3D effect to the work.
Think how a painting by Turner, already full of light and shade, would become full of movement, a still life would echo the moving light from a window in a Dutch merchants front room.
We can not see our cancer as such, just that passing candle light effect on ourselves, a fleeting moment of light and shadow, which humanity has learnt to fear both. What might be hiding in the shadows and having to face it when it is brought out into the light.
Our diagnosis is that moment when what was hiding in the dark is brought into the light. We become our own ancient myth of monsters and hero/heroine.
OK think the third cup of coffee might have been a mistake without a slice of cake lol.
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Hi @Romana glad that you have joined our forum and posted.
I look forward to hearing more about you and your experience of blood cancer.
Look after yourself and please do keep posting
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Sorry to read what you’ve been experiencing recently @clickinhistory.
The fatigue really is no joke and I can unfortunately empathise with what you’re dealing with. If my experience is anything to go by, hopefully your fatigue and fog will fade soon. This time last year I was so fatigued that I felt really rubbish, hence all my reading about what might help it. Have a dig around in my posts and I go on about early morning daylight improving my circadian rhythm and thus sleep routine, and gentle stretching like yoga, and how these genuinely helped increase my energy. Healthier eating too, more whole foods and minimally processed stuff. The fatigue was still there (still is) but less bone-deep. Might be a case of tolerating this current patch of fatigue and trusting that it won’t stay as strong as it currently is…
Know what you mean about our bodies not quite belonging to us anymore. I’m pretty sensitive to ‘body horror’ at the best of times so it’s been hard work since diagnosis allowing my body to be poked and prodded so much by total strangers. Something that helps a bit is knowing that although my body (and thus my blood cancer) is doing its thing without any conscious effort from me, the ‘me’ part of myself that’s thinking about Polycythaemia vera (PV) and living with its effects is definitely still in charge and coping well.
Sorry too to hear about your mole saga. Rather it get checked out than left to its own devices, I say! I have many moles, too many to check myself for any signs of change, so I trust any dodgy ones would get noticed at my annual checkups. Yet another potentially life-changing side effect of all this, right?! It really is a drain of energy, no wonder you’re feeling fatigued.
Wish I had some pithy advice that would help right now. Sticking with it helps, trusting the treatments. It is quite the juggle, living with and tolerating changes in our bodies that are way beyond our control. Letting go of a sense of control over my body is not something I’ve personally practiced during my life so I guess now is the time—not the comfiest hot seat to be in!
And relax…
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