Well that was unexpected given how tired and rough I have been feeling and having had my covid booster on Sunday, I toddled off to see my Aldi doc. Four weeks of 300mg aspirin and Hydroxycarbamide and a quick visit to the leeches last week, Kindle at the ready.
Raffle number came up and I had won two vials of blood to be removed, whoohooo, er it’s still bleeding, smiles all round.
Running late as usual, in I went, big smiles for the top doc, how you feeling because your blood counts are, big pause as he pulls out a sheet, “NORMAL!”.
“The treatment seems to be working for you, so here you go, prescription sheet for 12 weeks, see you then.”
“Oh get your GP to have a look at the mole that has appeared though as it has nothing to do with the treatment.”
One hour wait for the tablets, so the healthy option in a hospital, Costa and 50% discounted Italian lemon tart (50% less calories of course 
) taking it all in.
How strange that they are happy with the numbers, but the reality of still having symptoms and knowing things can change and this is a lifetime dance, makes the celebration very poignant.
It is a very poignant time , not the same I know but every time people tell me I look well but feel rubbish this is how I feel .Makes you think about all that you experience and how different it can be
Sorry you haven’t been feeling too great and hope you feel better soon
Half price lemon tart always helps 
Take care
Sorry to hear you have been feeling really tired and rough.
Well a ‘Normal’ that is definitely worth a Costa and 50% discounted Italian lemon tart.
Yes, it is poignant
Yes, definitely get that mole checked out.
Look after yourself and let us know about your mole
@Erica of course when I told my dad just asked if Badger was in control or if Ratty was taking me to Toad Hall to have it checked out :).
See, I have been doomed, doomed Mr Mannering by my upbringing
It was the 50% less calories that really made it a win 
rather than the price.
@DottieB I have had a weekend of people saying how good I look, not looking my age, Boots and Specsavers have a lot of customers out there they need to see is all I am going to say
My father in law, who is well into his nineties, still loves a “twofer” - two for one bargain. On anything. Now I was thinking that next time you’re “normal” , in the blood results sense, you might consider doing a twofer on the discounted lemon tart. Twice the calories but twice the bargain
@CaroleCW it was the last tart 
denied again lol
Mmm coffee time… It’s definitely time for your great news, @clickinhistory! Congratulations on your normal blood!
This is where you take in this good news and when necessary keep reminding yourself of what progress has been made and lo! Your feelings should follow along. Or that’s the theory. Other times your numbers might not be so good and you can remind yourself of now. Maybe you can let out a little breath of relief… and celebrate some more!
Yes i suffer from fraud syndrome - after putting a bit of slap on and styled my hair everyone says I look really well. They should see me first thing in the morning…
@Duncan you will know the story, The Yellow Emperor was travelling through the great forest in his carriage when looking out of the window, he saw a peasant bowed down by the weight of the wood he carried on his back.
Suddenly he knew this man had the answer to his question.
Shouting to his coachman to stop, he jumped out and ran to the man, leaving his guards in his wake.
“Please sir, please answer the question that has me going out of my mind, what is enlightenment?”
The old man looked at the Emperor for a while, then he sighed and struggled to put his load on the ground, then he slowly stretched himself out and stood upright and smiled.
“I see, I see” shouted the Emperor.
“But before I leave, what comes after enlightenment sir?”
The old peasant just bent down, picked up his load of wood and bending over to it’s weight, adjusted it, then slowly walked away.
With tears in his eyes and a breaking heart, the Yellow Emperor had the answer to his questions.
@Derma after a overnight commercial recovery from Dorchester, don’t think a slap of make up would have worked on me today lol 
Ha I do know of versions of this and realised I empathise with the peasant carrying a heavy load, perhaps feeling grateful for a momentary break whilst appeasing the emperor’s query. Hmm maybe not the metaphor’s meaning!
I wonder @clickinhistory, how does it feel to have ‘normal’ blood results? No need to answer such a personal question of course, no pressure honestly.
It’s sounded like such a busy time full of so much testing for you—of your blood, resolve, perseverance… For me, getting CBC results that for other people are normal and healthy can feel almost like salt in a wound as I know there’s still that bloody gene mutation lurking.
A sort of bittersweet victory of science over our faulty physiologies perhaps? Survivor’s guilt that it’s working for me but maybe not so well for others in similar predicaments with MPNs and cancers like ours.
Such mixed feelings, but at the root of it all hopefully a growing sense of relief and motivation to keep doing what we’re doing as something is clearly working!
LOL @Duncan to accept the knowledge of the weight you carry, then understand the life choices you chose to carry it again. Enlightenment is not a flash of light, but the lightening of weight.
@Duncan the knowledge is like the DAO story, you have been told that for this moment, you are free from the weight of the cancer. As I said about it being poignant, you know the weight of the cancer is still there, a stumble, the load moving, being attacked by lazy people for the wood, or in this case, skin cancer etc can change everything.
Hyper reality in every moment and detail.
It has been so long that I have felt like me, emotionally, mentally and physically, discovering “normality” is a new land.
Guilty, not so much, because of the work we have done, the leeches, the diets, the exercise, the mental work outs, it feels more like I have climbed a small mountain, looked at the view and wish others could get to see it too.
Science with our cancer, Polycythaemia vera (PV) for those looking in is a bit like the Dutch lad putting his finger in the hole of the dam (because the old word for a retaining wall to prevent water ingress is not allowed by the site ), it stopped the flood for now, but we are always looking to strengthen the dam because we know deep inside the rain will try and come again.
PS lots of in season fruit and no rubber balls in my diet seems to have helped LOL
It is nearly a year since the crash, over a year since the marriage fell apart and coming up for a year of getting an answer. Divorce still ongoing, insurance claim slower still and now the fog is lifting on the cancer. Dancing on rice paper grasshopper, dancing on rice paper
We are paddling in the edges of the sea, but very much aware of the Kraken that swims below us.
Each day is still one of some symptoms, but the fog of not knowing is clearing enough it creates its own sort of magical beauty and we have to trust the sand at the edge of the tides will be stable enough as we dance onwards in our lives.
@Erica so when do you want me and @Duncan to come round and beat up this hot doctor up for breaking your heart?
The aliens who are prodding and testing you, may take a little longer to deal with as we are struggling with the on board liquid, hand baggage full of laptop, nuclear missile and cigars allowances on the captured ship.
As Mr Tofu himself has said, you are a particular joy about discovering this site at a time in our lives when life is lacking joy.
I now have a image of you as a floating Yoda Pilates lass, sipping her sparkling water while looking mysterious under her floppy hat and her covered dust jacket of “A Misspent Youth” by her side.
Take care of you for a while
So interesting to read your musings and feelings about all this, @clickinhistory. Beautifully evocative photo of the coast, too. Thank you. I like how you think of getting good test results as being a weight lifted. Same for me when those sorts of results come through. I usually uncontrollably shout YAY (not my usual mode of expression) when my haematocrit ‘passes’ its test and my husband rushes through to see what’s wrong 
It really is like hyper reality, such a great description. Like when the colours are turned up a notch or sounds are a little off-key. That might be the vigilance of trauma taking the lead somewhat, if my own experiences are anything to go by. Normality kind of shifts like it’s slightly out of sync—again like that hypervigilant brightness. Ugh trauma really is a bane. Thank goodness for therapy!!!
I’m glad you don’t feel guilty. We needn’t, but I still do. Perhaps because I’ve had to have an unwanted focus on my health since my heart attack all those years ago, I’m just a little fatigued with having to make the effort again in slightly different ways with yet another health issue. At least with the heart attack it was one and done! Polycythaemia vera (PV) for me is like anxiety, always sort of there lurking awaiting a trigger to really flare up. So for me there’s lots of tiring holding different potentials in mind at once, like that Dutch lad plugging that hole.
Amazing how much can happen, change, and be accepted into one’s life in such a short space of time. Well done for still existing after everything, getting through so much! It’s kind of incredible how much you’ve experienced in such a short amount of time and I’d say really is a testament to your resilience. Something to be really proud of, if you’re in the mood for boosting your own ego! Definitely seems like the worst is behind you, so enjoy this respite and dare I say it post-traumatic growth.
Here’s to finding even firmer footing and plenty of sturdy boardwalk to stroll along that vast beach ahead.
@Duncan hard to be proud of something that has left such a trail of destruction in my life.
Love the photo
Then of course you get three days worth of fatigue and have to turn down a days work from a client The more I read about this cancer, the more I realise how little is understood about how it works in our bodies
They sure can, @2DB! Beautiful evocative image.