Good evening all.
So, as school gets closer I thought I had everything sorted. Yes, myself and the children were a little anxious but I wasn’t expecting my oldest daughter, who is going into year 10 to have a complete meltdown about the whole situation.
We recieved a letter from the school outlining the organisational side of things, with the added information that she would be in school an extra hour a day to catch up as she would be going into year 10. She completely broke down! she sobbed, said it wasn’t safe; sitting with lots of people for 7 hours a day, no outdoor time and in a bubble with over 100 people. She said that she wasn’t going back and got herself in a complete panic. Now, she is usually a bubbly and confident young lady so when I see her like this, which is very unusual, I know something is really bothering her. It then caused my youngest (going into year 7) to worry because she was worried about her sister. Their start times are now different so the safety net for my younger daughter, of walking to school with her sister, was taken away.
This is an area I find so emotional and so difficult and I always question my approach.
I can’t guarantee that any aspect of our lives will be risk free - that’s the reality for the majority of the population now, we just have an added bit of worry tagged on. All I can do is try and reassure her. give her a hug, tell her to give it a go and see what its like.I know what my workplace have put in place to make things safe for staff and pupils and I’ve shared this with her. I have contacted the school again and they have agreed to call the girls before they return to school so that they can ask any questions and raise concerns (we will write these down beforehand) Will this make it all ok? Probably not. Have I convinced myself it will all be ok? No, not at all. AlI I hope she gets a sense of me doing whatever I can to make her feel better about the situation.
All I want to do is make it ok and I can’t. Am I sending her into a potentially risky environment? Sometimes this is all just so hard - especially when it comes to my children. How awful must it be for such young minds to have such big worries. It really does break my heart.
Good evening all.
Oh, @Nichola75, it must have been heart wrenching for you to see your daughters so scared, anxious and upset, perhaps it is really healthy that your eldest daughter felt she could let out her emotions in front of you and tell you how she was really feeling.
It also sounds as if your daughters school will work with you all. Oh, I really feel for you all and thanks so much for starting this post.
@Nichola75 like many teenagers they tend to mull over things and the problems become bigger and bigger. This spell between being told what is going to happen and actually going back to school is going to be the worst. As you are also returning into school it might be easier for her to accept. All you can do is take each concern and reassure/find a solution together. Younger sister could also help. Believe me, teenage girls always find something to worry about. It would be friendships, clothes, school…this year covid! Hopefully when she is back with friends she will feel much better.
Best wishes to you all
Thanks Erica, I am lucky that the girls are so open with me. I would much rather they share than keep it bottled up. We’ll get there x
You’re right. I’m hoping that once she returns things will improve. It’s just that worrying about what is going to happen before it actually has happened. I’m definitely guilty of that Still got all those teenage years ahead of me. I’ll be calling on you for advice @Pisces56!
@Nichola75 Nichola, we’re so pleased you started this topic as we can only imagine, there are many parents who can relate to this and will really value tips and advice on how to best support their children through the next phase of what is already such a difficult time.
I do echo @Erica it’s so encouraging to hear she feels comfortable enough to share her worries with you. Though of course, it must be so heartbreaking to see her like this, but it’s worth giving yourself some credit too- her being at ease to just let it all out and feel she can be honest with you- shows you’re doing a brilliant job supporting her
@Pisces56 and lots of words of wisdom from you too!
@Nichola75 Nichola, do you find there’s anything that tends to help relax her at all? anything that seems to have helped her in the past which might do so during this time?
The most important thing is I have to just let her get it out. Trying to reassure her whilst she is panicking doesn’t work because that’s not what she needs. Once calm (I do breathe with her) she is able to think more logically. She likes to write things down so we will write questions and concerns before we talk to the school. I also, always ask her if she has any questions for me. I think I’ve learnt that sometimes I can’t reassure her and she just has to give things a go. She is a confident young lady and will feel comfortable talking to the school which helps. All we can do as a family is look at what we can do together to reduce her anxiety on that first day. Fingers crossed it goes well x
Lots of fun, grey hairs, sleepless nights ahead, but my daughter now has two headaches of her own…and is 40 next year! Like my two boys she was a brick during my treatment, but instinctively knows when I am struggling, makes allowances for my disabilities without making me feel a nuisance. She has given back many times over. You will find that your children will grow into strong and empathetic adults.
Your children sound amazing! How lucky are we
They are…we had some tough times, especially with our older son, but we have come through the other side, and I couldn’t be prouder. I apologised to my older son a couple of years ago that perhaps I didn’t help him as much as I could have done, and he gave me a huge hug, and said, that he turned out alright though. We both ended up in tears.
Hi @Nichola75, I have been thinking about your post all day and I wondered about your thoughts and feelings when your daughters were so upset? I think amongst other thoughts and feelings I would feel so angry at my disease and also feel so guilty at putting my children in that position.
I just hate it @Erica! It was really upsetting because I didn’t know how to make it better. The hardest part of this is how it affects the girls. I hate seeing them so upset and sometimes it takes all of my strength not to break down in front of them. Its times like this that being it back to the forefront of your mind. I’m lucky that my work and the girls school are being so supportive. I was getting anxious that I wouldn’t be here in their first day but think work are going to adjust my hours so that I can. My husband would be here but I want to be to. Sometimes don’t you just want to scream! Still a couple of weeks to get through before they go so let’s hope things go ok x
So - we got them back in school yesterday and so far so good. They are ok with the safety measures, wearing their masks and being careful. There is no outdoor time which they don’t like and I completely understand that! Little hiccup this morning when my 11 year old woke up with a sore throat, convinced herself she had caught something and was going to pass it on. We talked through it, she calmed down and went off to school. Dealing with those situations really are emotionally exhausting!
Oh @Nichola75, your daughters fear and anxiety is so natural and I am so impressed how you managed to talk it through, but as you say it must be so emotionally exhausting.
They both had a good week. We are trying to avoid watching the news too much as this doesn’t seem to help! They are so confused with all of the new guidelines because it doesn’t make sense to them, like it doesn’t to a lot of us! Hope you are well Erica? X
Just to say thank you to all on this thread. My sons are having a really hard time coming to terms with all that is going on in the world and with their dad and it was such a help to read this. Thank you
Mine are still struggling too. It’s so tough for them isn’t it - I still find it the hardest bit to deal with. How are you doing @md67?
Hi Nichola, am doing ok I guess. First day of chemo yesterday and feeling spaced out and woozy today and have got hiccups which won’t go away!
My kids are doing ok on the whole but they have so much to deal with at the moment - dad ill, school things, covid, the world! At times I want to tell them to get over it which is the wrong thing completely of course! But I get tired and obviously don’t want to burden them too much with all this. And also keep stuff as normal as poss.
But it is hard isn’t it. Hope you are doing ok.
Oh, @md67, yes it is hard isn’t it and I believe Covid makes it so much harder this year.
Your first day of chemo is over and are now feeling spaced out, woozy and have hiccups, quite a day and I expect you just want to curl up and let the world go on by. Isn’t hiccups really annoying. I bet you are physically, emotionally and practically exhausted too.
My experience is that children sense when something feels wrong and that talking with them really seems to help, so that you can say what is going on for you and they can ask questions and say what is going on for them and what they are thinking and feeling. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and it is what I wish I had done with my son more.
Wouldn’t it be great to get a manual with your baby, but we all just do the best we can. Take care of yourself and keep posting.
I’m doing ok thanks. I’m on watch and wait and next appointment in November. My daughters have their ups and downs. We talk these through but as you said, it’s hard sometimes because you can’t give them any guarantee and when you’re tired yourself it’s even harder. They have had a couple of cases at their school now and part closures, and I’ve had cases at my work place. All this adds to the anxiety for them. My husband has been amazing and is quite logical in his explanations to the girls. This is really helping and for the first time this week, my youngest daughter (11) said “don’t worry mum, you can have a break tonight because I’ve spoken to daddy!” Bless her. I’m very lucky! Please Keep us updated on how you are doing and look after yourself. When is your next treatment?