One of the things that has surprised me the most and that I wasn’t expecting was the way some of my friends have reacted/treated me since I finished treatment. These friends I had known for over 25 years! Once my treatment had finished they basically ignored that I had ever been diagnosed and didn’t support me in those early months when you are still in shock and still needing them. I have other friends who have remained by my side throughout and are still there for me now so I know it is possible. This has really hurt me and I was wondering if anyone else has had any similar experiences??
Anna, I honestly think some people think that a person has treatment and are then cured and go back to leading a normal life. It is only people who have been through a like experience or who have really cared to listen to you and that really understood you and shared your experiences with you that are real friends. I also do not think the lasting thoughts and feelings of shock are realised. I found that sometimes when I really needed friends I did not feel they were there for me and I felt really hurt and so, so lonely. I think it is at times like you describe that you really find out who are your real friends are and they are absolutely priceless. That also shows the benefit of sites like this on-line support group and people that really do understand you. Take care.
Thank you for replying Erica, I agree with everything you day, its just these were what I thought were my closest, best friends. Friends who were not as close before now are because they really came through and I wonder whether I just didn’t see them for who they were before! I suppose I was always the low maintenance friend who was always the one doing the running and caring in the old friendship so when it was me that needed it they didn’t even notice my pain. It took some coming to terms with but I have reconciled with it now and as I say I have some amazing friendships which are a two way street where I give back and receive support.
I seem to have been in a minority in that I found my ‘Christmas card’ friends made a real effort to get in touch and to come and see me…people I had not seen for years. A group of my closest friends have also had their problems over the years and we have supported each other as and when needed.
I believe that if someone makes you feel bad about yourself and has nothing positive to offer, that you are better off without them. Also, if you look back on your life you find that you make and lose friendships throughout your life…school, college, work, Church, social clubs…it is just that we are so sensitive that sometimes we think it is because of the illness, rather than the friendship having run its course. Our friendships change as we change
Those are such words of wisdom. I think many people will take that on board. have you tried reaching out to new friends after diagnosis?
@JoshuaBloodwise I have made quite a few friends since becoming involved with LLR (now Bloodwise) six years ago. As Kate will tell you, I am quite an outgoing person
Hi, Louise, your lovely smiley face says it all. I have also met so many lovely, friendly people after becoming part of the Bloodwise family who really understand how I think and feel although all our backgrounds and stories are different. I have been a member of an unrelated group who meet once a month for lunch. I have a 1 1/2hr journey there and also back. The lunch takes about 1 1/4 hrs. There are 4 or 5 of us. There is only one person there I would call a friend, the others I really have nothing in common with. So my friend and I have announced we will not be coming to the meetings after next month because we both have long journeys and so much else going on in our lives. The message is just not getting through with one person and she keeps on saying they will move the meeting nearer to us etc. Oh, dear. Without saying I really feel I have nothing in common with you I will keep on with my cracked record, although on writing this I feel I might email her.
@Erica Sometimes it is difficult for people to move on. I wonder if the rest of the group have been consulted about the move, and how they feel about it? I wonder if she has many other friends, and fears that the group will no longer meet once you and your friend move? What a dilemma!