Getting Palliative Care for Husband

Thinking of you. I wish you a funeral which really honours your husband and gives you insight into other’s memories of him. You can then have those in your head at night and feel a little less stressed. Do not fret about what others are thinking of you I bet they are proud of your resilience and just want you to k ie you can do whatever is best for you. It is not so easy to put yourself first when you have been caring for someone so it will all take time. Big love to you.

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So sorry to hear your news @summer123 . It doesn’t make it any easier if you know what’s going to happen. It sounds like you tried to make the best of things for his last days. It must seem like an endless road ahead but speaking as someone who has lost people close to me, time doesn’t cure grief but you do learn to live with it and eventually are able to get on with life smile again and make plans for the future. It might take a while but it will happen and you have so many memories of him to look back on and share with your family, Hope you are able to find some comfort in your grief.

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Dear @summer123 ,
I was so saddened to see this post pop up on my email. I am thinking of you and your family. It’s unbelievably almost a year since I lost my Brian to leukeamia, and we are only just having his “funeral/ memorial next week’ it was all too much for us after what you know is such a traumatic and stressful journey. You are only a few days in to such a life changing loss. You had your husband beside you for 40 years. Grief is an ever evolving journey of ebbs and flows and a ton of different emotions or numbness that follow no pattern or stage. That is because we are all individual, and our bodies and minds will take us where we need to be, even if the pain is overwhelming or numbness puzzling . It is such a short time since your loss, questioning how you feel at any one moment is normal. I was obsessed with getting my partners car sold and off the CPZ just days after he died. The neighbours passed by and I was frantically cleaning the car, asking if they knew anyone who would buy it! As others have said we sometimes go into practical mode, and I went into practical frantic mode, getting all those jobs done that were outstanding as leukeamia had dominated our lives for months. But it helps us survive. All I could do was take each hour as it came,(easier said than done) but at least it was a strategy I could think about when needed, and a year on, that is what I am still doing much of the time as life and loss overwhelm me. But as I look back there is nothing compared to those brutal first weeks and months of the grief of losing your soul mate and I want to give myself a huge hug of comfort when I think back to the start of this journey. So I am sending you a huge virtual hug, strength, compassion, sympathy ,sleep ( still haven’t worked that one out) and some quiet time, for you to take when you need it. Yours with so much love and in solidarity in having lost a soul mate. xxxxxx❤️

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Oh @Moo it certainly shows that you also lost your soul mate, Brian, by the insightful post you have written.
I cannot imagine what the last year has been like for you, Brian what such a very special soul mate.
Be ever so kind to yourself.

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Well tomorrow is my husbands funeral the last few weeks have been a blur of emotions. I have organised everything with my children and they keep saying it will be a wonderful celebration of his life. They did say they would stay with me tonight but said I would be fine but I am not. I feel sick and shaky thinking I can’t go through with it, it seems so final.
Visitors today tell me that after tomorrow I can start grieving I can start a journey of recovery. I want to shout no no no, I don’t want to be on this journey and will never recover. I just want him back.
I almost feel like running away and not going tomorrow but I won’t I have to do this for my family.
I want to thank everyone for all the support over the last 12 months, I don’t think I can contribute anything to anybody on this form, for me I think I need help and support with bereavement .
Good luck everyone and best wishes for the future xx

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Hi @summer123. I’m so sorry that tonight is so so hard for you. Please give your daughters a call if you need them tonight. I’m sure they would be there in a heartbeat.
I’m so glad we have all been there to support you these last few months. You have given so much to us in sharing your experiences.
Make sure you get the help you need. In the meantime, the support line is still there for you.
You and your family will be in my thoughts tomorrow.
Lots and lots of love X

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Oh @summer123 I am so sorry that I did not get your post last night, I have had laptop problems today.
Thanks so much for posting such an honest post, I cannot imagine what you were and are feeling.
If you feel you might want some bereavement support, nationally there is Cruse Bereavement Care but locally you might have other bereavement support services and your GP surgery or library might be able to help.
I have always felt that your family are really there for you so please ask for and receive help from them.
The Blood Cancer UK support line is always there for you.
We are always here for you and I will be thinking of you loads, be kind to yourself

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I’m so sorry to hear everything that you’re going through @summer123 . We all grieve in our own way and it’s not a straight line. It can take a while to adapt. I don’t want to tell you that things will get better but they will get different. It might be some way off in the future but you will smile again and think of the future (though you probably don’t think that right now). My heart goes out to you and everything that you’re feeling. Don’t be a stranger on these forums. We are all here if you need to talk.

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Cruse are excellent. My Mum worked for a funeral directors in the memorial stones section. So many of the guys there gave hours of their time each week, year on year to support people however long it took. They were admirable.

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