Hi all i cant believe its been so long ive been so busy with everyrhing thats been going on my pink hat is awesome 
my little man loves it always make me put it on when i go in the garden… not so much now as its getting colder… im still searching my house for my winter hat i know its around somewhere i just cant find it i do have others but this one i love it’s my arsenal hat… its just right for me aswell when when its cold and when it gets too cold i got i thinner hat i stick under it … i put it some where safe and i cant find it but thank to my lovely son who i did notice @Erica yours is still your baby too so im glad im not the only one he took me for my birthday to see arsenal under 21s play Northampton… as i said itll be my only chance to see arsenal play as the tickets are expensive anyho we had to sit Northampton end so i wasnt allowed to shout for arsenal but they did win and i did get to see one player who jad played in the Premier league recently so that was a bonus… but as i was cold i was treated to a Northampton hat and scarf and made to wear it …
It is alot going on ive been quite lucky with the funerals as i didnt attend them all. Dave found out the last time i had several funerals to attend it wasnt good for me mentally so je went to 2 of them on his own to save me and i just went to the one that meant alot to me to attend… although i did want to go and support dave… he said just knowing i was prepared to go with him was enough for him… my boys will always be my babies my eldest is 30 next year and hes mine im so excited i get to see him next week… ive not seen him for a while
Ive got photos i see we are able to put them on here so once i work out how to do it as im not technically minded most of the time @Erica you can see my pink hat and lovely red dress… thank you our anniversary was lovely he took me out for dinner there was a lovely restaurant across the road from his parents we’ve never been to so we walked over and had a lovely meal abd a glass of wine (yes i had a drink… shocking as it is ) i even had one or 3 at the wedding now theres a dew stories i can tell from there that had me laughing oooh onesie now theres a thought ive always resisted having one but now the gas proces have shot up its another cosr saving thing 
… I’ll add that to my list of things … oh wow yoj lot have some good ones i think a trip to primark is in order … @franko sorry i cant believe how much time has passed…
Im now doing god knows how much counselling abd got myself so confused i ended up in the wrong place at the right time
So luckily i had a reminder message for the appointment and managed to use it to send a message to the counseller and she phoned me last week… i thought both appointments were telephone why when it reminder clearly stated i had to wear a mask to my appointment i dont know … so this time ive actually put on the appointment that i am to attend the appointment at my surgery which does mean going into the surgery idiot
I have finally opened up to someone about my smoking and been totally honest about everything and since then i ha e felt so much better about things… i mean my mum has always known and certain other people but ive always struggled to give up and now dave has put me on the vape which i have been anti as i personally dont agree with swapping 1 habit for another but dave is so adamnt now i give up for my own health and thw fact he really cant stand the smell since he had covid earlier this year i think ive finally managed to stop… its very early days but im not smoking… cigerettes… 
anyho ive rambled on enoughj now and i need to figure out how to get these photos on here so you can have a giggle… oh 1 final thing ive had my forms through for my referal to the autism place i have to get them back by the end of the month.
I am going now so happy thursday 
xx
Me and dave
Oh @Ells you have really started my Thursday off with a smile on my face.
You are a real whizz kid attaching photos and what brilliant photos.
Yes, I love your pink hat and all your pink and red themes, I don’t know how you can walk in those heals.
We have something else in common as I am also an Arsenal fan.
My son’s great uncle lived near Highbury and used to take him to matches when he was young, so we have always been an Arsenal household although as you say it is too expensive to actually go to matches these days.
I still have a couple of scarves.
I don’t know what to say about you wearing your present of a Northampton hat and scarf, but obviously a good idea in the circumstances.
I can tell that Dave is so supportive and caring and always has your best interests and wellbeing at heart.
Oh, enjoy seeing your eldest next week.
I hope the counselling is not too confusing and it is certainly not a quick fix.
I have actually brought myself a diary for next year (in Covid times I haven’t needed one) it was 99p but is lovely with a fluorescent pink/blue cover and the words ‘Live the life you live’.
Those are the words of one of my favourite Rod Stewart song ‘Live the life your love and love the life you live’.
You have done brilliantly opening up about your smoking, it must be so difficult to give up and however you do it then it does not matter.
I hope the autism referral goes OK
Yes, happy drizzly Thursday, I am not used to drizzle, but it should be refreshing, and the ducks will be happy.
Hi @Erica
So before you start i seem to of got carried away with my reply so id get a coffee, tea if in the evening wine, hot chocolate snack… and enjoy a mini novel ill have to see if i can find pics 
to end with…
well im so pleased i got your Thursday off to a good start and as it happens here we are again another thursday lets see how we go this time … not as much fun im afraid but lots of news none the less
Pinks and purples are my favourite colours so when i saw the hat i just hat to have it… i cant even remember now that i added photos so no idea how i did it … it wasnt as bad at i thought it was going to be walking in the heels as i carefully chose a chunky heel to support me. Navigating stairs were my main problem ive not mastered them with sticks and flat shoes at the best of times let alone heels:high_heel:…
Oh wow thats so cool as my partner is man utd and my son is Tottenham my family is chelsea mum hasnt a clue but has decided this season to try and learn so she can at least join in a conversation with me and my son but shes so funny trying to take it all in its going to take a while to teach her…
Oh wow thats so cool mum tells my uncles used to be stewards at the chelsea ground… which i thought was awesome but it sti wont change my mind on supporting them .
Well i wasn none to pleased about wearing the hat and scarf but as i was cold and sat in the arsenal end didnt have much choice but i did have my lovely arsenal shirt on so i feel it made up for it… so hard not to shout out for the goal scoring it was awesome…
Dave is amazing hun hes put me first over his own health this past week or so weve both had covid his 2nd time my first it finally got me… i didnt get to see my eldest after all he had covid i was planning on staying the whole week to see how he felt but by tuesday i was home in bed with covid myself… i felt aweful omg i then spent 3 days trying to get the anti virals i needed oh after a trip to a&e cos my gp sent me there as he felt i needed help woth my breathing bit they sent me awsy and said there was nothing wrong with me i have a postice test result im struggling to breathe but im fine go away oh and weve kept you jere for 5 hours knowing you need access to anti virals but we cant give you them you need to call haematology oh theyve gone home now call them in the morning… i eventually got them Saturday as when i arrived friday there was no bed for me as theyd only been told i was coming 45 minutes before i arrived… oh and tge priority pcr test i did they lost and i got my result 7 days after id sent it off and if already tested postive twice in that time… im on day 9 now and i got a negative test result this morning finally woohoo… now time for my really slow recovery as its just aweful to have even after all of the jabs ive had…
But on the bright side ive not wanted to smoke at all sonce getting covid so its had its advantages… stop smoking get covid …
That diary sounds like my kinda diary… where did you get it from ?
I got sent some paperwork for the referal to fill in they gave me a week to get it back to them so we emailed and then posted it… so just waiting to hear if they feel i qualify for an assessment
Oh yes this is certainly great westher for ducks… we’ve had some awesome downpours here i dont know what its been like where you are theyve come from nowhere couple of spots as a warning then the heavens open …
Over the last few days ive been thinking alot not being able to do much gives you alot of time to think ive worked out ive spent most of this year either sick or recovering from being sick… it seems to be taking me months to recover from every illness i get now which is not nice… but this time i feel like i did when my back first got really bad and i didnt want to accept help not that i do now i just know my limits more than i did back then… so my mind is willing but my body doesnt really want to so i need to just get up go and see what i can do rather keep thinking i need to recover i need to push a little but not too much and hope i can get further in my recovery that before…
Anyho Christmas is coming any ideas for a grotto that doesnt invole ceiling decorations… and this year i got my own cabinet to decorate so any ideas for decorating that on the cheap its got 1 shelf in it… ashton has bren so desperate to put up the decorations since october i think we can make it last until after 
and thats it i had to explain first we had to do halloween 
then we had to do the then we can do Christmas 
with santa 
daddy bought a big santa from the car boot you got to see it… if i can upload videos it looks like its enjoying himself a little too much…
Looks like i cant upload the video which is a shame but santa got sent to the naughty corner for being naughty in public… it was funny… so ashton cant wait to habe santa up and the best thing is he doesnt know he dances and sings he just thinks we bought santa… i think we need mrs claus now but dave said no…
Oh and for the first time ever were jabing ashton all over christmas so i want to make it extra special but with it being so hard on everyone money wise i need to do it on the cheap but i have bought our christmas pjs they arrived yesterday whoch is awesome… i wasnt going to have any thing uear but with ashton coming and it being such a miserable yeae illness wise i decided to get us all some thats going to be my most expensive outlay this year i think… that and my boys presents as theyve both asked for money
Anyway i was going to end this message a bit ago so happy thursday im off to do some chores then chill
enjoy your mini novel hope youre all good xx
Hi @Ells I’ve got my feet up here and got my hot chocolate so I can savour your post.
Your Dave really is one in a million, isn’t he and you can tell him I said that!!!
So it’s his second bout of Covid and your first. We are really feeling in the minority not having had it. Our son has only had it once despite working in a Uni.
Yes, I and hubby are both vaccinated to the max.
What a palaver you went through trying to get anti virals. Great news that you have tested negative on Day 9, today.
The side effects might last longer and it will probably take time to build back up.
Good news on your no smoking side.
I got my diary at The Card Factory, a real 99p bargain.
I hope you qualify for an assessment.
I like your recovery thinking, positivity thinking, slow and steady wins the race.
I know when I least feel like going out for my walk, it is the time that I most need to go and then after I feel better for it.
Right my cost saving tips for the festive season.
Use last years decorations in a slightly different way.
Go to Poundland (or equivalent, charity shop etc.) little presents and wrapping paper and perhaps get festive, red, green or gold disposable tablecloths and napkins and some tinsel.
Tinsel looks great everywhere.
You talk about a grotto, have you got a tent or even a paddling pool, upright?
Have 3 dining room chairs in a ‘C’ shape and cover with a blanket, festive tablecloth and a bit of tinsel. Santa will have to sit on the floor.
Same covers for the cabinet, what about a shelf, cupboard or drawer for Ashton or each persons cheap little presents.
Santa can brighten up any part of your decorations or in a porch or hall.
I use an old Santa bobble hat, padded out with old newspaper on the top of the Christmas tree, in the past I have got chocolate coins and using a needle and thread sew a loop into the coins and hang them on the tree.
I use Poundland circular tinsel things hung on the window handles and front door.
I use the paper napkins as festive coverings for smaller places.
I have felt snowflakes and use them in all different ways, not just as table mats and coasters.
Festive music playing sets the scene.
Just wear your festive pj’s and enjoy having Ashton.
It will be Friday by the time I finish this, get your thinking cap on and take lots of care.
Hi @Erica
I hope you enjoyed your hot chocolate…
Yes dave is 1 in a million … i really dont know what id do without him… hes even gone to the shop for me and got me crisps as thats all ive fancied and not only that come back with my favourite white choclate cookies. Taste isnt so good some of my favourite meals have been ruined by covid.
I wish i was in the minority. And ive just found out were on number 6 i thought were only 5 ive only just had 5 in September…
I am pleased about being negative and i know couldnt belive what i went through to grt the antivirals but it was worth it as i did start feeling better after having them so would of been useful to get them sooner… which is the idea within 24hours of a positive test result your suppose to have a call from someone but it seems blood cancer sufferers at least in my area dont get that call…
Thank you i am so pleased i finally have managed to break that habit i dodnt realise how happy i would feel too i always felt i was giving up for everyone else i knew i needed to do it for my health but i was always being nagged by everyone to do it and me being me rebelled against it and just did not want to give in and do it even though i knew it would be better for me if i did… then i did and managed 3 months before i gave in to the craving which was a massive mistake abd so 2 years later i feel so mich better and totally different i finally feel free from it…
Thank you for that dave is going on saturday to see if there one in ours hehe… dont suppose theres any chance of a photo he does better if he knows what hes looking for…
Oh me too it would help alot…
Yes i know i dont always want to go out and ive not been out of this house sjnce last weeknd but ive promised ashton a car ride to see the big gnomes this weekend now im feeling better its either a drive or a walk so im going to start with a drive 
i can manage that better plus i need to work on that as mum wants to see me asap to make sure im ok bless her…
Well we’ll be getting down the decorations to see what weve got… thing with the coins funny you should say that… now theres a story that was always my step dads job to do… every year i would buy the coin 3 set me matt and rhys give them to him and they would cone back to me ready to go on the tree christmas eve and not before ir the boys ate them all then he passed away and every year i buy the coins and every year they dont make it onto the tree… one day they will they almost one year but we still havent git there yet i just cant do it…we do go in charity shops alot so yep on that one and love the ideas i will see what room is left once santa and the tree is up and then i can make my move and really annoy dave with the decorations one year me and rhys was doing them while dave was trying to work so we decotrated him too
Hi @Ells has anyone else out there any ideas for cheap Christmas decorating?
Hi @Erica
It’s Christmas my favorite time of the year and even better im starting to be so much happier now i finally realised a few things i needed to do to achive happiness which is awesome… weve been out about at christmas fair… ashton so far has been to see santa twice last weekend… not sure about this weekend as hes not 100% so we’ll have to see how feels in the morning but if he doesnt feel great we can do somw nice things at home i got plenty of things i need to do…
Any way enough about my fun times what is everyone else doing to get into christmas spirit?
I’ll see if i can upload some photos of ashtons tree decorating
Hes had so much fun helping us
Bless him
Hi all
Ashton decorated his little tree all by himself he wanted a star for the top of the tree and took daddy shopping for one and ended up spending £20 i think daddy got conned mind you daddy has been conned by noth ofnus this year as ive been totally skint daddy has been treating up no end bless him to keep us happy he wants us both to be happy…
Which i actually am makes a change for me… and also what makes a good change for me im still smoke free and its not overly bothering me… anyway i got off the subject next one was the big christmas tree which tree ashton did most of after daddy put the lights on… then we just add the special ones and anything weve bought since plus ashton has added some we got him for his tree… then there the santa we bought ashton loves… and we’ve not told him it sings
Oh @Ells I am so impressed that you have realised a few things that you needed to do to achieve happiness, it certainly is awesome, what a year it has been for you.
You have worked really hard on yourself.
I reckon that your mum, Dave and Ashton have really helped you too. What a team, but you have put in the hard work.
What a difference to your quality of life.
All’s well here it looks like ‘Santa’s Grotty’ again this year, I always say that I won’t put up so many decorations and then I do.
I hope Ashton feels better soon.
Don’t tell anyone but it will just be a ‘Me and Him’ Christmas this year with our son coming round on Christmas Morning for hot chocolate and shortbread. I cannot think of anything better.
You really are a star just enjoy all the little moments together.
Hi @Erica thank you it is hard work and has been quite upsetting at times but youre right ive had dave Ashton mum and also my boy have popped up to support me when they have time in their busy schedule’s. We mist certainly have a grotto here too and i love it all over the how… i even have our bedroom curtains open so i can look at the window stickers, lights and burn candles in my new holders… new year is going to be a new start for me. Hopefully going to see more of my boys… also hopefully keep sorting my life out and my health but as always its one battle after another with that one but ill get through that although this week is starting to help me realise why my haematologist does make a fuss over me at times and i thank him for it… i just need to get my doctors to communicate with him more instead of me basicslly insisting they do every time i have something wrong with me. Or i just tell them myself. Can be so hard and really not needed when you’re trying to find out wjats wrong with you and something throws a spanner in the works but enoygh of that talk its christmas a time for fun and getting excited over my bew christmas pjs which are all ready for the boys ( dave ashton and rhys ( my son)) to have as a christmas eve. I have my boy well one of them for christmas and dave has Ashton so we’re both happy and fingers crossed im seeing the other one tomorrow along with my grandson so that’s going to be a lovely bonus to end the year
Oh wow yes hot chocolate a s shortnread at christmas im so looking forward to it… dave always gets me a box its my favourite hes not so keen on shortbread more for me i say … aside from all of my sickness its been a very good year if you think about it ive achieved alot i made my final paymet on my IVA whicg meant 7 years after my divorce im finally debt free and not only that free from my ex… its taken me alot to move on from my pasr and that was the final thing to deal with l, i have finally given up smoking one thing i am grateful to covid for i still have not interest in having a cigerette which this time has been so much different from all the other times i gave up i think i finally have a good chance at this one being it for me… but its only been 8 weeks so ill let you know once I’ve passed 3 month’s that’s been my longest and thats when i gave into the craving before however as ive had no cravings as such this time i shouldnt really have any issues at 3 months plus i known where i went wrong so hopefully I’ll be able to talk myself out of it if it does happen or at least mum will. Ive also as we’ve been saying working on myself alot accepting things more this latest lot of couselling has taken us all over the place but always he listens and helps me sort things then we make an appointment to talk more and by the time we get to that appointment something else has happened … my life is so much fun… we are working on relaxation this time which wasnt what he was supposed to be speaking to me about on Wednesday when he called it was supposed to of been sleep issues but we didnt get that far…
Well ive rblednon for far too long now especially as ibe just seen the time and im really supposed to be asleep by now… its mums birthday i got to be up in a few hours spend some time with her… oh and my son who she doesnt know is coming… he wanted to surprise her… so i said when i was here and when i was going home and ge said he come on her birthday after work he’ll pop home and get his girlfriend and son plus the presents and come here… so i said cool i wont tell her… if she says anything about the presents ive bought over I’ll play along say hes unsure when hes coming then on the thursday say if she asks he cant make it and he get over when he can I’ll have to pick the presents up after Christmas its just one of those things ive missed him so many times this year one more wont make a difference
And now ive rambled on some more… so i hope i havent bored you too much… and if i dont speak to you before i really must say thank you so all so much for youre support it means so much me especially you @Erica . Happy Christmas i hope you all have a great time
And just remember one thing
Xx
Great to hear from you as always @Ells it sounds as if you have been reflecting on the past, where you are now, where you want to be in the future and how to work towards it.
You really have come so far and you are an inspiration to us all.
Yes, family are priceless and you have some wonderful family around you.
I shall think of you all in your festive jim jams and you with your shortbread, you are so right that Christmas calories do not count and a supply of pocket hugs are always needed.
We are all work in progress, you are progressiing
I think I shall go away and write a gratitude list, I also have so much to be grateful for. I am a very lucky girl with purple fingers as I have just done battle with a red cabbage and I won.
I hope you get some ‘you’ time over the festive season.
Enjoy
Hi @Erica
Most definitely i have…and i havehad the most fantastic Christmas with dave ashton and rhys…dave arranged for my son to stay an extra night so we could spend sone more tome with him… he loved playing with ashton and his train. We all lovethe pjs even my sister had a chuckle at mums as id got her some too i didnt want to leave her out. Me and dave have spent the last couple of days chilling together i even got dave to have a pj day and thats unheard of… seeing my eldest a couple of days before Christmas was so lovely too. Ive had alot of christmas calories so im glad they do count … this afternoon we have getting rid of Christmas ready for ashton coming on friday we feel its the best thing to get back to normality asap hes not going to like it one little bit bless him… the ne tome with dave ahas been the best its the most time we’ve spent together in i just cant remember when…weve both had lay ins its been amazing its going to be horrible when the reality hits of him going back to work next week… ah well… never mind i got my Christmas presents to get through… i got a feeling im going to need to go on a serious diet again 
but i will have things to help me ive got some knees and hand supports now to help me for my arthritis so hopefully walking might be eaaier for me… in still having couselling hes been just awesome giving me help where i need it each time and just adapting our sessions so we never do anything we plan to do…
Oh i have some health news im not sure if i mentioned about me going to the doctor as my tummy waa playing up… well 1 of my blood tests came back (i had a few plus a po.op sample ) any hoo i told my gp to speak to my haematologist as i knew there was a need to my platelets are 81 my my iron levels are up and something to do with the iron is borderline so its looking like my body is being naughty… after telling her several times she said she would… well i got into a state and ended up called myself… spoke to the secretary and she said in the end the following day i had to stop my meds and do another blood test in a couple of weeks… she booked the test for me… have me her direct number which i thought i had so i could remind her when id had my bloods done and she would speak to my haematologist… today i get a letter in the post well 2 both had blood forms in 1 was the one i was expecting the other was telling me hes booked me a telephone 
appointment for 10th jan to speak to me… so fingers crossed theyve gone back up… theyve been so good for so long now best part of a year my appointments were getting longer between them this next one was to be 5 months but we didnt make it lasted 3 months anyway on the birght side im still here to pester people… on the down side im drustrated at having to pester people about communicating to my haematologist everything cos he has to know… does anyone know how i get this put on my note’s do its highlighted whenever they look at them… cos if i dont think to tell them like earlier in the year when i was too poorly he doesnt know until ive recovered by which time its could be too late xx
Anyway enough of that one happy new year if i dont get back on… what have people got planned we’re having a quiet night…
Hows the purple hands @Erica im so glad you beat the cabbage its just terrible when you get beat by a cabbage… oh and one of the best presents i got was a lovely colouring book my.mum bought me i asked her for… when i thought my hot flushes were menopause i found it… its funny quotes… i liked it so much i put it on my things to buy and now i have it so if anyone fancies a giggle amazon i can send you a photo of the front cover or probably the link or even both … im off to get a coffee and possibly some shortbread 
Happy err not sure what day of the week we’re on as its christmas it makes my days of the week even worse 
Oh @Ells those pj’s really do look good, brilliant photo.
All’s well here, yes, I have eaten my way through the festive season and the scales show the damage.
Our son came over Christmas morning, perhaps pj’s for the 3 of us is an idea for next year.
Yes, hot chocolate and shortbread, plus Colin the Caterpillar pups all went down well.
My red cabbage dish was a triumph and was absolutely lovely as a vegetable or a pickle, or a coleslaw.
We have been over to my hubby’s family today, lunch in a pub, so I haven’t done anything and I am absolutely exhausted.
I wonder if we will manage to stay awake till midnight on New Years Eve???
Look after yourself @Ells and you have worked so hard on yourself in 2022.
Make the most of 2023.
Hi @Erica
Im darent go on the scales id propbably break them right now i just about fit into some of my clothes so im happy… ill have to get moving when the weather improves and try to shift some of this weight…
Oh how lovely you got to see your son too… and tour dishes were a success.
We have yet to see daves family but his mums doing good after her cateracts op so we’re happy…
I stayed awake new year was on the phone to mum we had a drink together… ashton was over we’ve been getting him back in his own room its working slowly but last weekend he went off to sleep on his own for the first time… i was in and out son he could i was in our room and nowhere else but we had success… 1st night he came into us at 3am 2nd night 8am so we had an awesome lay in…
Im back on monthly blood taking after they dropped and now back tonhow they should be but hes none too happy about my sodium levels and iron levels so things still not quite right… but hey im still here annoying people so alls good . I am working hard ive just my 12 weeks smoke free in now working towards staying off them completly i managed 3 months last time and i got tempted… im struggling a bit with my uncle on palative care and im at mums looking after her keeping her happy which is working…
I hope youre all doing good and had a great new year …
Happy wednesday i think
Hi @Ells your happiness, hope, positivity and determination comes from your post, what a difference from your original posts. What an achievement with your not smoking, what are you going to do with the money you save?
All’s well here, although we have both had this non Covid, cough, cold, chesty lurgy and the fatigue has really set in for me, it has also triggered my reoccurring shingles.
However I am making myself go out for a walk every day, it was a glorious cold, sunny day here today.
No idea where January is disappearing to and like you it is trying to remember which day it is. If Coronation Street is on it gives me a hint it could be Monday, Wednesday or Friday.
We saw the New Year in, we were in bed and watched the fireworks on TV and went to sleep.
Talking of sleep it is past my bedtime.
I look forward to the adventures of @Ells throughout the year.