Losing my Dad after a relapse of AML

Hi, my name is Emma and i recently lost my Dad aged 61 to Acute myeloid leukaemia (AML). Some of you may know of him, Nick @Yorkshire1962 , as i know he has posted in this forum probably a little while ago now, and i know he appreciated your support.

He had 2 wonderful years after his bone marrow transplant, which we are all extremely greatful for. Sadly, and heartbreakingly, he relapsed at the end of january this year to be told that treatment would not be successful, as the Acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) had a particularly unfavorable mutation and he had developed multiple masses of what was belived to be leukaemia in his body. A short but agnonising 4 weeks after diagnosis, he had gone to sleep forever.

Im unsure really what i aim to gain from posting here tonight. Im just sitting here wide awake, unable to switch my mind off. Thinking about the last 4 weeks spent with him, making memories, caring for him, talking to him, trying to reasure him that we would all be okay when he was gone because he was scared about leaving everyone behind.

Although his death was expected, it happened rather suddenly, and ill forever feel like i was cheated out of more time with him.

This is still very new and raw, and i expect that with time it will get a little easier day by day.

Thank you.


@em24 I am sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing, but you have shared a story of a life that most here will be able to relate to. The ups and downs and more importantly, you have reminded people to make memories that will count with those around you and yourself.
Telling your Dad’s story is part of your own healing process, to share your joint story is to let that story live on.
He will be always in you, something I recently told my cousin who has just lost her husband to complications from prostate cancer, it is up to you how you honour that story and keep it alive.
The fact you feel cheated is proof of the strength of your life together and how important it was.
We all live on a wheel of chance in this life, with cancer the table is more fixed in the houses favour than most, but you have shown, even against the weighted odds, you can take a small win and make a huge difference to people’s lives.
Thank you for sharing and remember this is part of your story now and it is important to live your life now and prove to your Dad is was right to trust you to be better than OK in the future.
Do not be afraid to laugh with the tears, both are a mark of respect to your Dad and that tomorrow the ground will be a little more stable, life has a way of making you take the next step.
I hope you get to sleep soon and rest, but as I am sure those who knew your Dad on here would say, you are welcome to share on here any time.


Oh @em24 I don’t know what to say, so, so sad, but I really appreciate you taking the time to post on our forum. you are now part of our family.
Perhaps just take time for yourself there is no right or wrong way of grieving or celebrating his life.
Also thoughts and emotions are all over the place and so conflicting.
The Blood Cancer UK support line is also there for you on 0808 2080 888.
We are also here for you so please do keep posting and be ever so kind to yourself


Hi @em24, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It is unbearably hard to lose someone. I’m so glad that you posted - you are among friends here. Thinking of you and sending much love. Take care xx


Oh @em24 -Emma, . I am so sorry to read about your father. Thank you for letting us know about @Yorkshire1962, it can’t have been easy to post on the forum, but I’m glad you have, so we can all support you.
It is completely understandable that you will feel cheated out of the time with your Dad, and it might feel raw for a while, so try not to put pressure on yourself, take things day by day at your own pace.
Stay in touch and please do call our support line at any point in time if you (or other family members) want to talk to anyone: 0808 2080 888.
Thinking of you.
Take care, Heidi.


Hi @em24.
I’m so glad that you posted.
You can tell by your post how much you loved your dad and I’m sure he was so pleased to have you by his side.
Nighttime’s can be so difficult so I’m glad you got all your thoughts and feelings out. Sometimes that alone helps.
Please keep posting, we are all here for you x


Hi everyone, thank you to each of you for taking the time to reply to me. Youve all said things that make so much sense. I think im just feeling overwhelmed, obviously the feelings and process of losing Dad, but all of the other things that come with it…organising funeral arrangments, sorting Dads affairs etc. Its a lot to handle isnt it.
But i know i will get through, day by day. Im lucky i do have a very supportive network of family & friends, and its great to know that i can post in here where unfortunately, others know what im going through.
Thank you all again.
Emma x