Su, yes, Emma’s story was so moving and another subject that is not talked about and fertility issues can affect so many people - the couple, males, females, their children, wider family, friends, employers etc… I hope this post will give a lot of people the opportunity to tell their stories, thoughts and emotions. p.s. I wasn’t sure how to vote.
It’s strange this topic is being discussed today. I just had a scan yesterday confirming I have no eggs and I’m going through menopause at 31 years old. Luckily I have 3 healthy children already but it doesn’t make it ok. My husband and I wanted a large family and out of everything that has happened this has been the biggest blow.
Like Emma I was diagnosed at 29 weeks pregnant I had a c section the following week before beginning my treatment. We both made it although when they were doing my c section my platlets were so low they didn’t know if I would. We did …it’s his first birthday tomorrow.
So many thoughts and emotions. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with this…
Oh, Goody, I cannot imagine how you, your husband and perhaps your family and friends are all feeling and thinking. It must be such a loss and another loss you have to deal with since your diagnosis. 31yrs old is so young to be going through the menopause and so difficult for you to see your peers around you. We are all here to support you and the Bloodwise support line is free from UK landlines and mobile phones on 0808 2080 888 and they are available to take your call Monday to Friday from 10am to 4pm and on Wednesdays from 10am-1pm, but you can get in touch whenever you want and leave a message and they say they will get back to you within one working day. I find both my husband and I are prone to going into ourselves and not communicating honestly with each other and others, nobody knows what to say, do or how to be. It is personal choice but I have found counselling with a therapist that specialises in loss issues has been helpful for me, my husband didn’t feel it was for him. I find I need a bit of time to digest life changing news, which I would think is so difficult for you all with your son’s first birthday tomorrow, look after yourselves and please keep posting how you are thinking and feeling. Take lots of care, you have been so good at supporting others on this site, perhaps you need support now.
Thanks Erica, it’s even harder because my best friend and all her other close friends are all having their first babies now. I’m so happy for her but I’m finding it hard to be around her I can’t really tell her how I feel because I’m worried she won’t want to talk to me about anything then incase she upsets me. I want to be ok with it.
I did arrange an appointment with a private counselor then had to cancel as my husband ended up off work with his back and no pay. He is trying to get back to work now doing light duties so hopefully I’ll be able to arrange another appointment soon. My husband is also the same doesn’t think counsiling would be for him but supports me going. Glad to hear it helped you!
Now I have to make the decision to go on HRT or not …theres obviously pros and cons of both i don’t know what to do…
@Erica Erica, it’s so interesting you say that, because we do have people getting in touch expressing very similar thoughts, of this rarely being spoken about as well as the limited support/advice offered. Hopefully this thread will give people a space to talk.
@Goody I echo Erica’s words, I am so sorry to hear of what you’re going through. As Erica said, it does sound like it’s another big loss for you, on top of everything else you have had to cope with. As you say, no matter what the situation, no matter how many children a person may already have, it is still a choice that has been taken away.
It is very natural and understandable to have mixed feelings about your best friend. As you say, you are really happy for her, but I can also imagine, it can be a painful reminder too.
It is so encouraging to hear that you maybe able to start seeing the private counsellor again. I also wondered do you find anything else helps you at all? for example, perhaps also spending time with friends who are not at a point in their lives where they are starting families?
I do have friends I talk openly to about everything that’s going on which does help. I have actually been feeling alot better recently I think I also just need time to let this digest and see where I go from here. Hopefully seeing a counselor will help …
Goody, it must be so hard for you. I also think financial issues on top of health issues can be so, so scary. For me they affect my very life stability. Yes, practically so many people around you will be having babies, there is no getting away from it. I think it is so important that it does not become the ‘elephant in the room’ that nobody is talking about. Perhaps just give yourself some time to start processing your thoughts and feelings. I find then I can only see things from my side and I find this so difficult, but I have had to be the one to open up subjects with friends and someone said to me given time I could be pleased for the other person and then acknowledge my feelings of loss with the other person (or not), other people or a counsellor. As for the HRT, there are pros and cons, I was never even offered it and I now wish I had asked lots of pros and cons questions especially after having treatment. Take lots of care and extra bubbles in your bath.
Yeh I don’t want to avoid talking about everything with my friend just don’t want to make her feel awkward. As you know not everyone knows the right thing to say or do. Thanks extra bubbles coming up haha x
Hi
Though my situation is different I do understand a little, I’ve been through treatment for AML (diagnosed at 39) and at the time my only child was 8. I had been thinking about whether or not to have any more children as I was reaching 40 and then boom… along came AML. As you say I am very blessed to have a child but its been hard coming to terms with that decision being taken away and I’ve had to close down that part of me emotionally. Actually It’s not something I have really let myself deal with because I’m scared of what it will bring up emotionally… if that makes sense
I completely get you …it’s hard saying it out loud how much it bothers me. I think the only way to deal with it is ,like yourself, just try not think about it. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this too… X
Thank you, at least we’ve said it here… it is just one of the things that this cancer leaves you to deal with and I just made myself focus on some of the other things… sorry for you too
Thank you all so much for being so open about your experiences, I have no doubt it will be so helpful to others going through a similar experience, and reassure them that they are not alone. Thank you so much again!
As you have all touched on, I can only imagine how tricky it can be when trying to communicate feelings to friends and family. Everyone is different when it comes to being ready to talk about something like this, there is no right or wrong, but we hope you all know that forum is always here.
We have had people get in touch with us, to say, there wasn’t a great deal of advice available to them after their diagnosis and what it would be mean for their fertility. Can anyone relate to this?
I was told I would be infertile and I don’t have enough time to do anything about it, as in preserve some eggs. The doctor said “but you have 3 kids anyway”. Not great to hear that.
I do really feel for the women going through this that haven’t had the chance to have any children of their own.
Hi, sorry to hear you got that response just because you already have 3 children. It must be so hard for someone who hasn’t had the opportunity as you did to become a mother to come to terms with this in addition to their diagnosis. They are not alone and hope this conversation thread is some comfort to them that they can reach out.
Hi @Goody, I get so cross when I hear what was said to you about already having 3 children, how insensitive can you get, it really cuts to the quick. Words can hurt more than anything. Such a loss of your expectations. As you say so many thoughts and emotions and that you don’t think you will ever come to terms with it. Yes, you have really opened up something that is just not talked about please keep sharing your thoughts and emotions, we are all here to support you…
Thanks Su and Erica. Yeh that comment made me feel like maybe I don’t have a right to feel a loss. I know now it’s ok as unfortunately I’m not the only one to feel like this. That particular doctor is luckily not the one I have to see regularly!
@Goody I’m so glad to hear that you have found comfort in knowing that you are not alone I can only imagine how painful this experience must have been for you. What would you have liked to have seen more of if you could back in time?
I can only imagine how painful this experience must have been for you. What would you have liked to have seen more of if you could back in time?