Thanks for checking up on me… Much appreciated…
I had my second venesection today and as always had some lovely nurses who everything so calm friendly and easy.
I emailed my clinical nurse that I was in hospital and that I was having treatment and she actually came down to meet me while they were taking my bloods out.
It was such a relief speaking to her face to face (well with masks which though I’m totally wearing and encourage all else to do same… I really miss showing and seeing facial expressions… I do a good wink to show thanks but I know that this can appear a bit pervvy too… Ah modern etiquette!!) It’s still early days to know what the plan is and how regular my venesection are going to be (I wonder if they test the blood they take out to monitor my hct count) but I have been given another appointment with my heamotologist early next month. She confirmed that once the hct was at the required level .5 I think then because my platelets is high that I’ll start on hydrodroxyruea and that it’s a very mild and kind form of chemo and will be tablet based. The only procaution that I should keep my distance between flu sneezy and coughy people and though they be extras for snow white it has made me feel a bit anxious about being at school but I’ll deal with that when the time comes.
Unfortunately there are no support groups locally and the nearest one is about 30miles away though it may not be running due to covid… but she was impressed I had responded proactively and signed up and started a conversation on here to which I wonder if all of your ears were burning with all the superlatives I was telling her.
I’ve had a tough few days to be honest. I feel like my body has given up and my mind is reacting to that and then sometimes my mind has given up and it’s my body reacting to that. It really doesn’t help when you are trying to answer the question how you are feeling. I waiting for my psychotherapist to return on his hols but speaking on the phone is really tough. I’m such a face to face person because it’s easier to read the reactions but also for other to read what your not saying or finding though to say.
I keep playing in my mind whether to be telling more people but then I feel really bad that if I do how my family would feel when they find out that others knew and that they wouldn’t understand why I kept it from them… if I was in their shoes I would be irrate being the last to know.
I know I should be grateful of the cancer I have (in that it could be more aggressive) and be thankful of my situation (no wife or kids) but still I feel something’s been robbed like a child whos been picked last type of feeling. I know I still get to play but it’s like if this is the circumstance then do I still wanna play?
I just really don’t know how I feel both mentally and physically… The only thing I’m doing is going to sleep in hope that I feel better when I wake up and a cycle begins…