You are right and it pains me to admit I wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t do the right thing…
I think my patience and my positivity has all been consumed by disappointment anger and frustration. I’m just now needing some patience and positivity to come back to regain its place before I genuinely give up x
Hi @Rammie18 I am not surprised that you feel all consumed by disappointment, anger and frustration.
Also Harry Potter springs to mind living under the stairs, windows, sky and being able to talk and watch what is going on is so, so important to well being.
Hang in there and please keep posting, and of course the support line is there for you too.
A rant is so often needed so we know what’s going on for you and so we can send you virtual hugs to your ‘office’ x
Very very tough day yesterday.
Cardiologist basically told me that the heart attack damaged 70% of my heart… First time since by sister passed away… I broke down into tears…
Tearing up writing it as I’ve yet to tell anyone how bad it actually is. They are doubtful its connected to my blood cancer at my haemo team are discussing me at great length on Monday with their peers about next steps. I’ve been given so many meds and booklets to read about what to do/try next.
I don’t necessarily have a name for this heart condition but the attack was a big one even though I was able to phone wait walk to the ambulance and be 100% conscience and aware through it all…
I had the cancer diagnosis under wraps… but this now has proper caved everything in. I’m just losing strength will and motivation that the moment I overcome adversity… something out of my control crashes it down 1000 fold… Makes me question myself and my actions to why this is happening to me… I just can’t explain it
I’m just in complete shock… apart from the news and diagnosis… I’m fine and not disabled by what’s happened earlier in the week… it’s crazy… physically I feel fine… Mentally however… Complete utter mess
Ahhh @Rammie18. I am just so sorry. What a terrible shock for you on top of everything else that has hit you in recent years. Thank you for sharing with us and please know I am thinking of you and sending the warmest of wishes your way. There are no words to take away your pain but in a way maybe it was good that you were able to shed some tears and release some of the ‘dam’ of emotions. Praying you have kind and understanding medics taking care of you at this time. Willow x
Thank you so so much for you lovely and touching words… It really is appreciated.
Think this has hit me more than the cancer did… just can’t believe 70% is no good…
They’ve given me plenty of meds and instructions to get by… even tougher with a big birthday and Christmas on the horizon.
Oh @Rammie18 I bet the news is just overwhelming for you especially as you are so isolated in hospital.
The news must have just pulled the rug out from underneath you, just let all the thoughts and emotions tumble out of you here.
Perhaps ask the medics everything on your mind whilst you are there.
As for the big birthday and Christmas, perhaps as the saying goes it is one day at a time.
It is so true what you say that life is just not fair.
Please do let us be a safe place for you to say how it really is for you, we are here for you and so is the support line.
Sending you so much love xx
Goodness Rammie sorry to hear that - what a lot you have happened in recent days and such a lot to take on board as it were. It sounds as if you have been in good hands in hospital and getting the right pointers and assistance moving forward. But as you say actually coming to grips with it all personally is a challenge - as with all things one day at a time, manageable bites of dealing each day, is often a key that helps. It doesn’t sound like a typical MPN link to have this happen, but I guess your own MPN specialist is the one to assist as to that - although I do remember years back when MPN diagnosis was not so efficient many patients got a retrospective diagnosis once they had had heart attacks etc so may be there is a link. But whatever it’s source, you now need recoup and adjust to all that’s gone on, it’s never easy to digest why we individually have health issues and as others have said just know on here you will get empathy and listening ears as whatever our medical situation is we get how it is to not be well, not functioning as we used to and so have fellow feeling. All the best
Gosh @Rammie18. That must have been a complete shock and I can only imagine how you are feeling! So much to take in on top of everything else. It really isn’t fair. Sometimes life throws us challenges that aren’t fair and that really test us. At the moment, just take a day at a time and if this is the only place you can share how you feel then keep doing g that. We are all here for you X
Glad you’ve survive Rammie
How awful @Rammie18 on top of everything else. I hope you’re ok and that life gets back to normal, well as normal as possible for people like us.
Hi @Rammie18, are you still in the office/broom cupboard/under the stairs and how are you doing?
Thinking of you loads and sending you virtual hugs xx
I got discharged late Thursday…
I slept so much better in my own bed and not connected up… But it’s taken me a while to adjust as often I keep thinking I’m still connected.
I have another appointment I reckon in 4 weeks and til then Im gonna do my best to stick to what they’ve told me… No dismissing, no over doing things, very light exercise mainly limited to walking starting at 15mins per day n increasing by 15mins each week and zero salt diet (well as best I can) amongst other diet changes requirement. I can’t complain if it works and I know what I’m like if I look n feel ok I’m blank it that it even happened. So extreme measures will just give me that reminder… That and the many many tablets I now need to take.
@Willow @Nichola75 @Erica @Jilly20 @Franko @Mayo57
Thank you so much for your sympathy, support, care and kind words… It’s so much appreciated. You are all amazing people 
Oh @Rammie18 I am so, so glad that you are home as the saying goes ‘there is no place like home’ and I would add ‘your own bed’.
I think the blank feeling to it ever happening is what I get and is freezing with shock (not fight or flight). It is the body’s mechanism to something that it is just too much to comprehend. The other problem is that you look the same as before as well.
Give yourself time and just be ever so kind to yourself, oh, and follow medical advice !!!
Small steps and be a patient recovering patient.
Please keep updating us and take care.
We will keep checking that you are looking after yourself and taking medical advice!
What does it mean for you work wise and how have the family phone calls been?
As soon as I was discharged my dad picked me and took me to see my mum… I’d not seen then since the day before my attack so I know how much it meant to them to see me and I’m never going to reject a hug though dad was a bit gutted I couldn’t have a drink with him. I told my sister’s via text that I didn’t want any calls or video chats over next few days as I just needed time away from a screen and rediscover my bearings though I soon as I got home I gave them both a quick group chat video call to say I was home safe and sound. Neither folks or sisters know the extent of my attack and the damage it’s done… I’ve just said it was a one off and a bit of a mystery how it happened… But I’m going to be following some strict rules and I have lots of meds to take. Too much info for them adds stress and pressure on me. They should feel Solis that I was proactive to admit when I wasn’t feeling right and have confidence that I’ll do the right thing without much encouragement… of course on the sly I have all of you who are so amazing and supportive and give me confidence and virtual hugs when times are low…
Regarding work… I was already on a heavily reduced timetable but hospital has given me a 4 week sick note… which is prefix/standard time… I have a feeling though this will flag up forcing redundancy or something … my classes have tests and exams so although I won’t be teaching I’ll probably make and continue doing online maths videos on my YouTube channel and on the sly telling them to view them so they aren’t missing out on my teaching
On doc recommendations I need to be walking as a form of exercise and not overdoing it… when ever I think of walking now or hot chocolates you always come into my mind…
What was disheartening was the doctors were taking this more serious than I was, often expect the patient to be pesimistic and over cautious… but I was and still I’m in shock at how serious the prognosis is
I’m glad you are being honest with your family and telling them what you need. It’s also lovely the things you are doing to put their minds at ease.
Just take each day at a time. It’s so cold at the moment so make the most of ring indoors.
Keep us posted as and when you feel able to. You are in my thoughts X
Oh @Rammie18, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible time, and such a shock. You really did act on the right instincts though to seek urgent help.
My heart was damaged by chemo. Not as seriously as yours by the heart attacks, but enough for me to investigate heart damage. I hadn’t realised how advanced heart medicine is, and the amazing meds and procedures that have been developed to give many heart patients long lives. Once you’ve had a heart issue, you are so closely monitored too, to ensure nothing slips through the net. I hope your consultants are able to offer you some reassurance once everything is fully known.
You’ve had terrible, terrible luck with your health. I’m not surprised you are feeling a bit low (although I think you are being amazingly together considering all you’ve been through.) Is there any chance your GP can refer you to some counselling? But on the plus side, your two health problems are now ‘knowns’. Health issues are at their most dangerous when they are unknown to the medical profession and yourself. You and your medical teams can now do the very best for you. And as I said before, heart medicine is one of the most researched and advanced areas of medicine. You should be in really helpful hands.
Please let us know how you get on. I’ll be thinking of you.
All the best, Rammie.
Fullofbeans