Oh @Suey I think the anxiety is so natural and as you describe it is, albeit very slowly, it is subsiding.
I believe that my thoughts and emotions have been on high alert since my diagnosis and anxiety is a main one. As I often say I still get anxious before and during all tests, results and appointments after 19 yrs and there is also anxiety of relapse that creep in.
Knitting sounds a brilliant diversion to me and I bet the arran jumper will be stunning and very gratefully received.
Yes, be very kind to yourself
1 Like
Hi @SarahMum what brilliant news for Danae and you.
A day in Plymouth sounds great to me for both of you.
Lovely for Danae to be able to go out for tea with her peers
Also for you to have a coffee with your peers.
I am so impressed that the two sets of parents with their youngsters receiving palliative care/end of life care felt able to join you.
It is natural for you to have very mixed feelings when you had received such good news that day.
I have heard it called a type of âsurvivors guiltâ and I know I have definitely felt it many times. Life is just not fair and there is no logic. It is natural that you are still feeling it today.
Be kind to yourselves and it is OK for you and Danae to celebrate her good news.
1 Like
Aw thanks. Itâs SO helpful to know that these feelings I have are ânormalâ - as if we know what normal is any more???
I have my Barts follow up today, and I think I shall ask my consultant to give me an appointment for two weeks time - three weeks is way too long! Looks like it gave me too much time to worry!!
3 Likes
So pleased to hear Danae is still in remission @SarahMum! Thatâs amazing. And glad she got out with her fellow travellers too. She must slowly be feeling a little more confident to live life, as must you.
Yes, what an excruciating situation for the parents of young people on palliative care - and so difficult for you too. Iâm sure they so appreciated talking to you though. Doesnât this cruel cancer business put us all in uncomfortable positions with others at times? Thereâs often someone in a worse position and it does make one conscious of personal good news. I imagine these families will be on your mind a lot. We not only have our own personal pain to deal with, but I think it must be common to meet others in hospital and really empathise with and feel their pain too. I wonder how the medical staff cope with this? It must be terrible for them at times as well.
But on the other hand, we also gain all that extra support from people who really understand the situation. And thatâs just so valuable, as we all know here.
Howâs your return to work been going, Sarah? I hope itâs been ok and has actually provided a little bit of distraction and normality for you. X
5 Likes
Thanks @Fullofbeans. Your are brilliant at words and identifying how I am feeling. I am over the moon by Danaeâs recent update but also cannot stop thinking about those other families. Cancer is very cruel huh?
Going back to work has been positive thank you. I am on a phased return so nothing too stressful. It is also lovely to catch up with colleagues who are genuinely lovely people.
Tonight we are going down to watch the Christmas 
lights being switched on in our town. I am really looking forward to it.
AndâŚ. I have just had my first mince pie 
(with loads of Cornish Clotted Cream on top!). Delicious 
We hope all is well with you lovely peeps?
The DD xx
4 Likes
Oh enjoy the Christmas lights being switched on, always magical I think.
I am glad the phased return to work is going well.
Yes, I had my first mince pie last week and it was yummy, no Cornish Clotted Cream though, although I made such a mess when it crumbled if there had been Clotted Cream in the mix it would have been all clothes in the washing machine and me in the bath time I fear.
Wrap up warm and I donât know about you but since my diagnosis I appreciate everything more.
Go DD go!!
3 Likes
Hello you lovely people
How are we all doing? I hope life is being kind to you all.
The run up to Christmas is continuing in a festive way here. At the weekend we went to a Xmas Market on the beach - it was lovely . The stalls were set up in beach huts. We are off to Padstow Xmas market this Friday to eat free samples lol 
We also took delivery of our lovely @BloodCancerUK christmas cards. They are very festive
I have also found a beautiful and uplifting book by Donna Ashworth. Has anyone heard of her? It made me think of you @Willow and you wonderful ability to write verse and poem.
The book is called âWild Hopeâ Some of the verses have really touched my heart 
Anyway, thatâs all the DD news for now. Stay safe and warm everyone
The DD xx
3 Likes
Oh, @SarahMum and Danae
Your posts bring up such lovely mental images for me.
I was in one of those beach huts with sand in my toes and the smell of fresh fish just landed at Padstow.
Yes, my Blood Cancer UK Christmas cards are lovely too.
I havenât heard of Donna Ashworthâs book, I will have to read it after I finish one of Richard Osmanâs books and a friends rather deep poetry books.
@Willow has such a brilliant way with words doesnât she.
Enjoy, spoil, and be very kind to yourselves our DD !!
2 Likes
Loved Wild Hope, had to close it up at one point as couldnât see for tears. She has such a gift- i feel every one of us would see ourselves in her words, more than once. Take good care
3 Likes
Thank you @SarahMum and @Erica for your kind words. I shall certainly investigate Donna Ashworthâs poems. I havenât heard of her before. Warm wishes on this cold day. Willow x
2 Likes
Other booksellers are also available. Lol
2 Likes
Thank you @SarahMum, you have inspired me to share another one of my poems. I wrote this four years ago in December 2019. I hope it is encouraging.
JUST ONE CANDLE
A glimmer of hope
Is what we need
In our time of pain.
Just one candle
Bringing light
To cheer us
Once again.
Day after day
Things stay the same
With no end in sight.
These winter nights
Dark and cold
Longing for
Warm sunlight.
Our hearts break
With anguish
Beyond description.
How much longer
Must we wait
For hope of
Transformation?
Overwhelmed by
Grief and sadness
Loss and sorrow.
Desperate for
The dawn to break
On a new
Tomorrow.
But ⌠if we light
Just one candle
Darkness is dispelled.
Gazing on
That flickering flame
May our hearts
Be stilled.
Willow x
5 Likes
Oh @Willow thanks so much for sharing your poem with us.
That glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel and it only takes just one candle.
You have stilled my heart just reading it.
Be ever so kind to yourself @Willow and please do keep sharing your poems with us. xxx
1 Like
Thanks @SarahMum for all the info xx
1 Like
@Willow - thank you so much for sharing. You write so beautifully with words from the heart.
2 Likes
Hi @SarahMum and Danae
How are you both? Getting into the festivities properly there, with clotted cream and mince pies! And Xmas lights too.
I hope your phased return to work has gone well, Sarah. It sounds like you have a great work place and that it is doing you good. And I hope you have been catching up with some eating of delicious things, Danae, at lunches with your friends? Any Christmas cocktails planned? That ad with Baileys in a chocolate reindeer always makes me salivate - although perhaps not a cocktail.
Hope everything is on the up and that life is returning to a semblance of normality now, and that you are feeling stronger with each day, Danae. Love to you both. X X
3 Likes
And a hi to @Erica too! Hope youâre doing ok? X
2 Likes
Hi @Fullofbeans I am doing OK, but coughing like a car that wonât start.
3 Likes
Hi folks. Sorry for radio silence. Just plodding through this transplant journey.
Iâm at day +89, and just today, my husband and I both have positive COVID tests. Iâm obviously rather worriedâŚâŚ Feeling quite grim actually. Unfortunately I was due for my clinic review today, so I guess I will need to ask my specialist nurse for advice by phone? I remember my consultant telling me that should I get COVID, I would need treatment (Paxlovid?). Has anyone else had to face the challenge of COVID shortly after Stem cell transplant?
4 Likes
Oh @Ledgell I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband have tested positive for Covid.
Perhaps it might be worth getting straight onto your specialist nurse and taking their advice, especially after what your consultant said to you.
Feeling grim is horrible and certainly worth a call and Covid can be nasty especially at just day + 89.
Look after yourselves and if you feel up to it please do let us know what reply you get
I will copy your post to the Blood Cancer UK nurses @BloodCancerUK_Nurses for you too
3 Likes