I’m February I started to notice a lump in my groin area & then again in my neck some days later. I have seen a specialist who has referred me for a CT scan this coming week. My wife was a broken mess about the possibility of having the ‘C word’ and has confined in a lot of her friends. Just wanting advice, is it normal to be embarrassed incase I am wasting the doctors time incase it’s nothing? I have anxiety that I’ll wake up and my lumps are gone and I’ve wasted a lot of money and time of the NHS. It’s just a confusing stage at the moment and my heads all over the place. Hope you all understand? I’m just confused I hope I’ve nothing to worry about but I then worry they’ll ask why I’ve come to see them etc. I hope all this makes some sense.
Hello there @Reece, welcome to the forum. I’m so glad you found us here, but am sorry to read of your very relatable anxieties. You make complete sense and it’s very understandable why your head feels all over the place. I’d say it would possibly be stranger not to feel anxious!
You’ve said it yourself—you have some physical symptoms that are making you anxious about the big C. Although I’m not a doctor, I do know anxiety and have to say you’re very brave to seek answers to what those symptoms are, despite your embarrassment and worries. For me, often the hesitation to dig into an issue is about anxious thoughts holding me back, so well done for pushing past that. Please don’t feel bad about seeking answers through the NHS, it’s literally their job and your health is worth every penny and moment of their care.
I’d say it’s totally normal to feel all sorts of difficult feelings when getting tested for mysterious physical symptoms. There can be many reasons that can be completely benign and unrelated to cancer. Hard as it might be to believe right now but even being diagnosed with a blood cancer can feel like relief. When I was going through testing for what turned out to be Polycythaemia vera (PV) I wished I could rush through to the ‘end’ of it all, the part where I knew what it was I had and what I could do about it. Now I’m glad I was tested thoroughly as I trust it was all checked before giving me a diagnosis.
Perhaps for now try to bide your time, avoid Dr Google as it’ll only show you generalised results, and keep yourself healthily distracted. Anxiety loves to take up our headspace so maybe keeping yourself occupied with diverting activities now will help? What do you tend to do for fun, to take your mind off stressful stuff? When I was in between tests and their results I found hiking really helpful, got back into yoga for its breathing and mindfulness, plus spent a lot of time with favourite films, TV, music… If you’re creative then express it that way too. I’m sure you’ll know what to do. Do that! Soon enough your results will come back and then you’ll know what you’re facing.
I’m also sorry to read that your wife is finding this hard. Our loved ones caring for us can feel very supportive, and sometimes can ramp up our own anxieties. This stressful in between time is the worst, but it will pass once you have results. If you or your wife wanted to talk with the lovely specialised nurses at BCUK then they can be reached on 0808 2080 888.
Do please keep us posted @Reece and try not to think the worst.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious and your head is all over the place. Its completely normal and understandable that you are feeling this way. The waiting and not knowing while you wait for any appointment can be so difficult. As you have had symptoms, it is important to get them checked out. You are definitely not wasting anyone’s time or any resources, your health is very important and it is the job of your medical team to find out what has caused these lumps.
@Duncan has already given you some wonderful advice. As he said, the nursing support team would be very happy to talk to you or your wife if this is helpful. I have enclosed a link to our opening hours here Support for You Blood Cancer UK
Please take care and let us know how you get on.
Fiona (support services nurse)
Hi @Reece welcome to our forum and perhaps it is the not knowing and waiting that is the worst part for you and your wife, it was for me.
My husband and I dealt very differently to my diagnosis.
Don’t forget all tests are to rule conditions in or out.
I reckon that if you asked someone in the NHS if you were wasting their time I bet they would not think that their time was being wasted.
Your post made perfect sense to me anxiety is the worst.
Please do let us know how you get on and if you or your wife would like to talk the Blood Cancer UK support line it is there for you.
Look after yourselves