Blood Cancer News- "I Wouldn’t Be Who I Am Now Without My Cancer Diagnosis

@Erica @Pisces56 it does definitely seem like our past experiences, such as; our backgrounds can have an impact on the way we respond to things/how we deal with things.

It is positive to see though, that you both feel like you can talk openly about your experiences, the good times but the tougher times too. Do you feel that has got easier over time?

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Yes, @SuBloodcancerUK and @pisces56, yes, it has got easier to talk over time because for me my raw emotions have calmed down, I feel I am just me and not ‘Erica with Leukaemia’, friends find it easier to approach and talk to me now, I am used to sharing on this community forum and most of all I feel supported by family, friends and on this forum.

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that’s so great to hear @Erica! :smiley: I wonder also as now that people are encouraged more to talk openly about their well-being and mental health, whether that too has made a difference in general?

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I can appreciate where you’re coming from Erica. I think most people around me and at work have even forgotten that there was ever anything wrong with me. My boss occasionally brings up the subject but nobody else ever does now. I know this will change when the remission is over. On the one hand I’m pleased that life is back to normal but also the Myeloma is my ever present friend and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about it and the likely outcome even if only briefly. All of this has of course been pored out into the book I’ve been writing which is almost finished now.

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Hi @Franko, congratulations on almost finishing your book. Do you find writing is more therapeutic than talking for you?

yes @Franko! a huge well done on your book :grin: :+1:
As Erica says, it would be interesting to know how much writing has helped you. We often do have people getting in touch looking for additional ways to express themselves in addition to talking. Do feel free to share your experiences on this :grin:

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I think the writing has been a good way of me reliving the experiences but without the pain. I can write whatever I feel and most likely nobody else will ever read it or at least a very limited number of people. It’s a good way of being honest about the whole experience. I did find talking to real people a help too. I enjoyed the mindfulness course I went on and I like going to the support group. I also had a long chat with a member of Macmillan who interviewed me over coffee in order to use my story as a case study which was a good experience. I’d definitely advocate using as many avenues as possible to help deal with how you feel. Writing works for me but it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I didn’t just write about the illness, the book has turned into a life story with the last two years forming the backbone and trying to demonstrate if the whole experience has changed me or if I’m the sum of my parts and my past.

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@Franko some really important points you raise here! As you say, writing may not be for everyone, but I can imagine it can be a great avenue for many- whether this writing is read by others or kept private. Some people say that writing can often help them see how far they have progressed when they read back over it, did you experience anything like this Franko?

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Certainly I can see how far I’ve come since the early days before and just after my diagnosis and how quickly I regained my mobility. My original six months of chemo didn’t give me too many problems and had it not been for the mobility issues I might not have actually needed to be away from work very much. As it was my employers have quite a vindictive sick pay policy whereby anyone who has worked for less than 3 years for them only gets half the sick pay allowance. I consequently ran out, made worse by the fact that it took them over a month after I’d been signed fit for work by a doctor to sort out an occupational health appointment for me and let me come back to work which resulted in me losing pay unnecessarily. In the middle of all of this my mom died and as a family we had to be more focussed on that then we did my treatment as we had a house to clear and a funeral to organise. And I turned 50 in the middle of all of this happening. The book has allowed me to think back over happier times before my illness too and there are lots of travel tales as I’ve travelled a lot in my life. I’ve almost turned into an old man talking to his grandkids, except that I’ll never have any! :slight_smile: :grinning:

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@Franko I am so sorry to hear about your mum, that must have been so difficult for you, especially whilst also going through treatment at the time. It sounds like the writing has really helped you process both the positive times and the more challenging ones. I remember you also mentioning mindfulness earlier, for people who may not be too familiar, would you mind just explaining what it’s all about?

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Sure. Mindfulness in short is about sorting out how you feel mentally and rooting yourself in the present. Quite often we were asked to close our eyes and describe certain sensations and tastes and to shut everything else out. We were also asked to pick the things in life that were most important to us and make a positive plan to improve those, thus giving us a way of being forward looking. There was some meditation involved which probably wasn’t my cup of tea but I always came away from these sessions feeling good, I think more because of meeting the other cancer sufferers than the exercises as they were all such positive people and gave me a lift. I always used to end the days that I was doing this course with a treat of some sort. I don’t work Wednesdays and fortunately the course took place on a Wednesday. It’s a useful way of dealing with the mental side of things but again might not be for everyone. I found that my naturally forward planning brain did everything they wanted us to achieve more than the meditation.

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@Franko thank you so much for sharing this, very interesting! How did you first learn about Mindfulness? was it something recommended to you by health professional?

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The course was run by King’s College Hospital where I had my stem cell transplant and I was sent details automatically once I’d been discharged.

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