@CMcCa im glad i made a little sense with my waffling! Its lovely to talk to you here as your caring nature really cones across.
You asked a couple of qts so I’ll do my best to answer those. The family and i went to Ireland (from our home in Scotland) for Christmas 21 and, long story short, i stayed on there until April in the end. I did so because my dad’s treatment was beimg affected by covid and quite frankly, someone had to take charge of what was acceptable delays and what was just inaction. There was mich to do and much to fight for. My dad’s condition worsened greatly and there were times my interventions saved him.
I was supported by my NHS employer and worked my 3 days fully from my parents while, literally, balancing work. I managed to get most appts etc on non working days and did much of the fire fighting on those days too. My work was still WFH for all of us so this facilitated this decision greatly at the time.
The rest of 22 was v hard to balance. I took regular trips over and was involved still in all conversations and decisions. Just from a distance and that was, truth be told, even harder to manage and took a huge toll on me and my family. From. Oct 22 on, my dad just got more ill. I was signed off work for a few weeks and went over to fire fight. Was home again and went back to the here/there scenario. Had Christmas 22 there and was amazed i got to come back to Scotland after and to work but that didn’t last. Things started to implode and it was clear we were heading into a new phase. I had no option, and was supported by work, to be signed off as knew i had to go there again and that WFH this time wasn’t an option on any level. I was there till end May and came home 2 weeks after my so lovely dad died. No help to go into those details but i was able to be fully focused on his needs and wishes and dont regret one min. It was my dad’s wish that i stayed by his side as his last days came and i cared for him night and day and my dad died surrounded by those who loved him, amd whom he loved, the most. Id like to say this would have been impossible without the care of district nurses and Marie Curie.
Way too much detail i know but just being honest and wanting you to know it took inordinate patience, much meticulous organisation, and actually sacrifice to do it. And that, honestly, i and my family paid a huge price. But we could pay it and fix it best we could after. Though it took time and effort and id hope to not ever have to do it again. The wife and mum guilt was immense with an added layer of already being a carer for my hubby.
I don’t actually know how i, we, did it given there were cancer ops and procedures to balance as well. They were dark days and i still talk to someone about them and probably now put it all in a locked space in my head.
One of the best things i was ever told was to focus on whats in front and not whats ahead. It took a little time to finesse that and really separate the 2 but it was so right. I still really try to do that. Im not as good at self care again now and recognise i need to work on it. I do think 22/23 exhausted all the physical and mental reserves i had and 24 brought a hysterectomy for me and an immediate menopause which I’m still enduring. But, im obviously made of strong stuff, know its ok i still pay for good decisions that mattered and that my parents, especially my dad is/was worth every bit of that cost. What a gift to be able to pay back just a little of their love to me.
Such an essay, i do apologise. Youll clearly see im still processing it all! I send you my best and keep in touch. We really can be in this a bit together!