Emotional roller coaster after diagnosis

Recent diagnosis
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Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) in November. I am struggling to process my feelings. Having to put my studies on hold, knowing my classmates are continuing makes me feel angry and envious. I feel guilty for feeling this way because obviously it’s not their fault this is happening. I am so grateful I have my family who are supporting me, but I feel the need to put on a brave face so as not to burden them. I don’t want to drain their energy by being overly negative. I have accepted counselling, and it’s a relief to have someone listen, but despite this I still find myself spiralling at times, especially at night. What has helped you with difficult feelings after diagnosis? Any advice is appreciated :slight_smile:.

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Hi there @SarahMum maybe able to help

Good to hear you are having counselling and it’s normal to feel like you do. Family are there to lean on don’t be afraid to tell them you need some help and your classmates. They may want to rally around you.

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Thank you for responding, I will check out her page.

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Hi @brightsunshine, welcome to the forum.

How are you feeling today? What you’ve written is so understandable - a blood cancer diagnosis often turns life upside down, and having to pause your studies while everyone else carries on can sting in ways that are hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t been through it themselves.

When I was diagnosed (different blood cancer, just turned 30), I remember a similar feeling of suddenly being ‘out of step’ with people my age - a lonely kind of limbo. Talking to others who’d been through something similar helped me feel less alone, as did going to counselling.

But those feelings - anger, envy, guilt, gratitude etc - don’t make you a burden or overly negative at all; they make you human. And lots of people feel the pressure to stay “brave” for family, even when it’s exhausting. But you might be suprised by how much it would mean to those around to you see how you’re actually and honestly feeling, and to be able to truly support you in the ways you need most.

Below are a couple of links that you might find helpful, and you can also check out the Related Topics section at the bottom of this page which auto-suggests similar threads from others:

And if you ever want to talk things through with someone directly, our Support Line is here on 0808 2080 888. They’re brilliant at helping people navigate exactly these kinds of complex feelings.

I’m glad you’ve found us, and I hope you get replies from others who recognise themselves in what you’ve written.

Take care,
Ceri - Blood Cancer UK Support Services Team

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Hi Ceri, I feel a bit better today. Thanks for sharing your experience and I will read these links.

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Hi there @brightsunshine

I am sorry to learn of your diagnosis and can empathise with the rollercoaster of emotions.

I am Mum to Danae who was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia at the age of 20 (at the end of her second year of uni) I have a (long!) thread on here where I have been very honest and open about the scary rollercoaster.

Danae is now in remission and and is 2 years post treatment. Throughout her treatment she held on to the vision of returning to uni and finishing her degree (which she has done! :smiley::two_hearts:)

None of this is easy and I think it is best to be honest and voice how you are feeling. It sounds like you are doing this to some extent but still trying to protect your loved ones. That is a very brave and thoughtful thing to do. :blush:

I kept a journal where I wrote down my thoughts and feelings. I still can’t open and read it but at the time I found it super helpful to get things out of my head and on paper.

It is also positive that you have found this super helpful and supportive forum. Feel free to drop in here and be as honest as you like.

Take good care and I send love and positive thoughts

:two_hearts:. Sarah

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Hi @SarahMum I am happy to hear Danae is in remission and has graduated! This gives me hope and if anything my circumstances are motivating me to achieve my goals once I recover. Like you I find journaling helpful, I have one that asks you a question each day for 5 years and I can look back and see how my answers have changed. Thank you for responding, wishing you and Danae all the best.

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Awww :smiling_face: you are welcome @brightsunshine

Take each day as it comes and hold on tight to that motivation. I love the idea of a question a day when journaling.

Do keep dropping by here when you have time. I have found this community so wonderful and supportive :two_hearts:

Take good care for now

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