We recognise that the holiday season approaching can be particularly challenging for our community, and we want to provide useful resources, prepared in collaboration with people affected by blood cancer, that offer guidance and inspiration for their friends and family. So, we’re inviting you here to start a discussion on this and share anything that you may find helpful.
Everyone’s situation is unique, so this guidance will be individual but something you share may just help someone else who feels like you.
Unless you specify that you don’t want it to be, the ideas here may be shared on our website and social media channels – it can of course be anonymous, without using your forum name.
Here are a few questions to start you thinking - please do share your thoughts and answers to these or anything else that springs to mind.
Are there any gifts you’ve received (or bought yourself) that have been beneficial to you during your blood cancer journey?
Have they helped you manage side effects or symptoms related to blood cancer or its treatment?
What advice would you give to someone navigating social events during the holiday season while living with blood cancer?
what advice would you give to friends and family members looking to support someone with blood cancer during the holidays?
Have you found any ways to adapt holiday traditions to better suit your personal needs?
Thanks all. If you are at all worried or anxious about the holiday season or have any other winter worries, please know that our Support Services Team are there for you and don’t hesitate to get in touch. Our contact details and opening hours are here: Blood cancer information and support by phone and email | Blood Cancer UK
When I was not well a friend brought me a jar of hot chocolate, another friend brought me a Colin the Caterpillar cake, they know me too well.
It is the thought that I really appreciated.
As for social events it is very personal and the decisions I make have to be the right ones for me and the ones I am comfortable with for me and nobody else, otherwise I feel resentful. It is fine to say ‘no’ (it has taken me many years to learn this). I avoid hugging and kissing. If I felt ill I would take a Covid test immediately and seek medical advice if in doubt.
That I know what I need to do and be guided by me and do whatever you you normally do. Keep honestly talking
I make sure I sit at the end of a table, hopefully near fresh air. If I were to go to a church service I sit at the end of a row, hopefully near a door. In crowded places I might wear a mask. Personally, as I am in a minority, I do not want or expect anyone else to change their behaviours for me. If I am hosting I might serve a buffet so I can avoid sitting in a crowded place and then I can move away from people. I might suggest going for a walk after a meal. I would host at lunchtime or if somewhere else I might to be the first to leave if my fatigue sets in.
I realise others might have very different views and I look forward to hearing them and don’t forget the forum is there for us 365 days a year.
Thanks so much for sharing @Erica You offer some really good thoughts on how to cope with various situations. Sitting close to fresh air is a really good idea and learning to say ‘no’ can be so difficult, but important - especially if it helps you feel comfortable with your choices in social situations.
Also, there is nothing like a Colin the Caterpillar Cake to cheer someone up - those were lovely ideas as presents and so kind of your friend.
This is a lovely post. We had a tough Christmas last year. My husband had just finished month two of chemo for Acute myeloid leukaemia (AML). He managed to be home for Christmas Day but spiked a temp around 6pm which resulted in me driving him back to hospital for Christmas night. The greatest gift we gave ourselves was to reduce all pressure and expectations that we might usually have had for what we’d achieve or feel at Christmas.
Are there any gifts you’ve received (or bought yourself) that have been beneficial to you during your blood cancer journey? my husband didn’t really want any gifts, he had low tolerance for complex things and didn’t have good attention span. People offered support, time or jobs doing which meant a lot to us all
What advice would you give to someone navigating social events during the holiday season while living with blood cancer?
Reduce your expectations of what the day will bring or even how well you might feel. Think about ways to achieve nice moments. Maybe a big dinner won’t work but smaller nibbles or buffet might? We had to reduce the events we would attend to keep my husband safe from infection. We knew it would be worth it in the long run, but it is hard. Be kind to yourself throughout.
what advice would you give to friends and family members looking to support someone with blood cancer during the holidays?
Make it easy for someone who is poorly or having a hard time. Can you do jobs for them? Can you order gifts for them? Can you make food, can you drop in or send a text message to someone who might be low? Offering help is nice but makes it hard for the person who needs it to accept it. Be specific ie. Can I mow your lawn for you? I will pop round this week to paint a wall or take the bins out. The jobs could be small or large but taking that step to be specific is the most special gift of all.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response - there are so many good ideas in here. You have really made me think about things differently for this year. Taking the pressure off the day but looking for nice smaller moments sounds like it can make things much more manageable. Also, I really like the thought of being specific when offering help - it is hard to accept a general offer at the best of times, let alone when you’re not feeling good.
I’m so sorry to hear about what you both went through last year at Christmas, but I’m sure these things you have now been able to share will help others.
Thanks again and best wishes to you and your husband,
Ali
Hi @Toadmum what great ideas especially about being very specific in the terminology I use when offering help, I have often wondered about my wording on this.
Oh, yes, I agree to keep it simple, with no expectations, which I know I put on myself.
Oh, your post was more than helpful to me.
I am cutting back on my Christmas card list and everyone I have said about it to is so pleased I have suggested it.
Thank you x
If anyone has anything to add or would like to share about how they’re feeling about the holiday season this year, please do feel free to continue posting on this thread.
I have always been very obsessed by traditions and also very superstitious. But cancer taught me that traditions are meant to be celebrated, cherished, and can evolve. They’re not rigid rules, but rather flexible guidelines that can be moulded to fit our changing lives and needs. This is especially true for those of us living with cancer.
A cancer diagnosis shifts your focus, making it important to prioritise what truly matters.
Cancer treatments can be physically and emotionally draining, making it difficult to participate in traditional festive activities.
Adapting traditions can help reduce stress and anxiety, promoting emotional well-being.
We can adapt traditions:
*For example, instead of a large family gathering, have much smaller, more intimate gatherings.
*Create New Traditions: Introduce fresh ideas that reflect your current situation and interests. Perhaps a quiet evening with a good book, a virtual game night with friends, or simply relaxing and enjoying the Christmas season .
*Combine classic traditions with modern twists. For instance, watch a traditional holiday movie while enjoying a take away meal delivered to your door.
*Create a new tradition of self-care, such as taking a warm bath, or meditating. This can help you relax and de-stress during the busy holiday season. This can be especially helpful if you’re feeling fatigued or unwell.
*Bought mince pies will be absolutely fine - don’t slave over the kitchen to make them just because you always make them with your Nan’s recipe- yep that’s me !
*One Christmas tree is more than enough- I mean do we really need one in the porch , conservatory ,kitchen and lounge - yep me again!
Remember, the most important thing is to focus on what brings you joy and peace. Whether it’s a long-standing tradition or a brand-new one, the key is to make it meaningful and enjoyable for you.
Been mulling this over a little and wondering whether I should share that I don’t celebrate christmas, even though society would have you believe that everyone does!
Anyway, my little family has adapted how we celebrate “the holidays” due to religious discrimination in childhood ruining christmastime forever from the close associations. Thankfully I live somewhere less christmassy which means I get to avoid it somewhat
Living with Polycythaemia vera (PV) and needing to always be hydrated means my hiking water bottle that I carry everywhere has been even handier since diagnosis—I bet something like those colourful Stanley tumblers would be a popular gift. Also fingerless mittens for when your hands freeze over outside, and scarves and other neck warmers to fend off indoor draughts too!
If you’ve just been diagnosed and have the energy to be going to social events then what is your secret?! Seriously, even just explaining to people at social events over and over why I’m masked up and what my form of cancer is and no it’s not curable etc gets exhausting. Like @Jules says, living with blood cancer and treatments can be draining—I found this especially so last year after diagnosis. This year I feel more interested in socialising while, like @Erica says, bearing in mind that viruses can easily be passed around. Outdoor events can be fun too if you’re wrapped up warmly!
I think unless our loved ones have shown an active interest in our cancers it likely feels more comfortable not to bring it up around them. Many people seem unready to face our conditions. However, others can always donate to blood cancer organisations if they want to support us in more passive ways. I love @Toadmum suggesting asking for help with domestic tasks—this has happened for me and I really appreciated it when I couldn’t do stuff myself.
Prior to marriage I was fine not celebrating christmas at all, but my other half likes to do something in winter so we adopted jólabókaflóðið AKA “yule book flood”, the Icelandic tradition of sharing books! We keep a list as the year goes on and then pick books from it for jólabókaflóðið, I love it! And then on christmas day we go out for dinner, usually in Chinatown, and see a film
to cheer someone up - those were lovely ideas as presents and so kind of your friend.
