Oh @Ells your mum is is like me, I do like a plan, but it has to be in small increments, manageable and realistically achievable then I get a sense of satisfaction if/when I achieve it.
Is it only 4 weeks since your op, that was a major op and takes it’s toll on you physically, emotionally and practically and it takes a long while to build back up.
I love your house of gadgets, anything that makes your life easier.
Let us know what gems you get from your book
I like to think of it that I have learnt to live with my blood cancer, osteoporosis/curvature of the spine and bald crater on my head.
However I am very lucky in other ways with family, friends and flat etc.
Happy weekend and keep posting.
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Hi @Erica @Nichola75 @Rammie18
Well I’ve not had a good few days I’ve been feeling frustrated I’m not progressing at all still struggling with the 2 chores… But after chatting through texts with mum I’ve gone back to 2 sticks to make sure I slow down, plan better than I have been and do smaller chunks… It’s taking me so much longer to do things but hey I’m doing them… I’m not quite sure how I’m feeling right now it’s going between feeling like a failure as I’m not progressing and feeling like well I’m doing OK actually it may take me all day but I’m doing it and that’s all that matters… Oh and I’ve started back on my nail course that I was doing online I thought it was about time I did that again it’s been 3 months since I did any of it… So I’m now back making the most of bit being able to do anything else…
Gadget wise well today through the post I recieved a pill popping thingy I’ve no idea if it’s going to help me but we’ll soon see. I tend to look on the Nrs and adapt sites through amazon for my things as they are the best places to go. Anyho when occupational therapy came out a few years ago they fitted a shower rail, half step toilet aid, a second banister and bed rail/grabber to help me get out when I get stuck on my back as I like to put it laying on my back rolling around like a turtle 
I now have omg a leg pillow which helps keeps the fluid off my ankles
A door rail in the garden to help.me get in and out
Many grabbers dotted around the house
Many walking sticks dotted around the house however I’m still on the crutches I got from hospital atm.
Back support in the car
Back support for me something I don’t use but is recommended so may get it back out.
Sock aid
Long handled show horn
Foot supports which aparently are supposed to help the pain I get in my feet not convinced on that one but may try them again
Long handled Bathroom washing set
Pill bottle opener which I’ve yet to try out.
I’m also looking at getting an electronic tin opener plus seeing what else there is that may be useful… As things can be pricey I get a few bits here and there… I’ve yet to start reading the arthritis book which may give me some more ideas as to what I can use. I know a change in diet will be happening. We’ve already started with that one white bread is a definite no no now and pizza is going to be the rare treat. Something I knew was an issue.for me.
If any one has any suggestions of things I can get I’d be most grateful.
@Rammie18 i’ve always done things for others and been able to do things for myself it was just aweful when my back issues started and slowly I was unable to do things for myself to the point where I had to stop working and now I doubt I will ever return to work but I’m ok with that… It’s been a long road to get me there but I now know it may not be where I thought my life was going but it is where my life I can either wallow in self pity or do what I can to enjoy life as best I can… And yes the blood cancer diagnosis knocked me and is hard for me to accept but I’m getting there I think… It’s good days and bad days like everyone… It’s learning to ask for help it’s the biggest thing I’ve had to come to terms with something I hate doing… I’m still trying to do things for myself now and maybe trying too hard… Which is why now I’m pushing myself back a step…
I can understand your escapism I like coming on here I can say what I like people don’t mind my rants, people understand how I feel,. People support me. And have helped me so. Much since I put this post up… I’m. So glad I did or I’d probably be depressed and struggling to cope with things… I’m so grateful to you all for helping me get things straight in my head and finding a way to be positive when I’m struggling 
Happy whatever day we’re on I’ve totally lost track of this week…
Xx
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Hello @Ells. Thank you for sharing with us how you are doing. I identify with the struggle of wanting to do things for others but now finding that you are the one who needs help. I find expressing myself in poetry form helpful and I wanted to share these thoughts on bravery in the hope they will encourage others …
BRAVERY
Most people see bravery
As never crying,
Seldom complaining,
Suffering in silence.
Keeping that stiff upper lip
Firmly in place,
Always wearing
A smile on your face.
Minimising your pain,
Not making a fuss,
Saying you are “fine”
If anyone asks.
But what if bravery meant
Being true to yourself,
Making the decision
To ask for help,
Ready to admit
When it’s hard to manage,
Courageously facing
Every challenge,
Being vulnerable and honest
With people you trust
Starting to acknowledge
Trauma and loss.
Recognising how life
Has affected you,
Determined to see
The journey through.
Learning the importance
Of being open,
Willing to accept
You are broken.
Allowing your emotions
To be expressed,
Finding that beauty comes
From brokenness.
Willow X
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Oh, @Willow that poem is so moving and personal, but perhaps resonates with so many of us, thanks so, so much.
Oh @Ells it sounds as if you have really been looking at yourself and what is going on for you.
I think it is so much easier for others to see progress than yourself.
It was not long ago when one chore was defeating you.
Your mum sounds very wise.
It is wonderful that you have resumed your nail course, I did a manicurist training course in about 1969, techniques have changed a lot since then, false nails had not been discovered.
I am fascinated in all your gadgets.
Please keep posting because perhaps that will help you to read how much you are progressing.
Perhaps your nail course might lead to a job way, way in the future.
Be kind to yourself as opposed to being hard on yourself and thanks so much for posting.
Enjoy your weekend and reading @Willow wonderful reflective poem
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@Willow your poem is amazing I love it. Its so how I feel. It has moved me to tears 
@Erica I’ve had a tough weekend and finally broke down. Me and dave had a good chat about things he asked me how my pain is since the op. I’ve now told him the leg pain has improved somewhat and my bladder issues have improved however my other pains are still there I’m not as improved as we’d hope for. But then I do have arthritis and blood cancer to consider which of course is why I’m having to get all these gadgets to help me…
On the bright side I spent all of yesterday texting mum she has been giving me a pep talk to help me out and we ended up deciding not to dwell on it so this morning I’ve got up feeling not too bad and as usual started on my 2 chores and thought I was doing well but here we are a near to lunch time and I’ve just finished the washing up still got the washing to hang so I guess I’m not doing that badly today…
I guess it does help to read how much I’m progressing I’ve just been frustrated with the slowness of it all and not being back to how I was before the op. I’m still relying heavily on dave which I’m hating. It wasn’t supposed to be like this…
Mum thinks my nail course might lead to a job in the future but right now I cant see it. All I want to do is something for myself and maybe on the odd occasion friends and family…
Happy Monday everyone I hope you all had a great weekend… I did to a degree daves son was amazing all weekend we spent alot of time in the garden together it was so hot but he loves me being out there with him. I cant play with him like I was but sitting out there is enough for him he gets his doctors kit and fixes me xx
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I was thinking of you on my walk today @Ells and wondered how you are.
As you might know I see things visually and unfortunately I keep on thinking of you falling asleep on the loo at night !!!
I think breaking down and having a good chat with Dave, your pep talks with your brilliant Mum and your time in the garden with Dave’s son did you more good than anything else.
I also think you have done rather well today and a great big pat on the back is in order.
You really are doing so well.
I reckon we could all do with Dave, your Mum and Dave’s son and his doctors kit !!!
Have a very happy week @Ells and perhaps dwell on the positives and not the negatives, think about @Willow’s poem, give yourself time and really look after yourself,
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Hello @Ells. I feel for you SO much. Thank you for your openness and honesty. I think you are very courageous to share and should be proud of how you are doing! I am really pleased my poem was of encouragement to you. It is kind of you to let me know as I always hope my poems will bless others. You are coping with such a lot and I am pleased you were able to release some of it over the weekend. It sounds as if you have lovely support around you. Please continue to let us know how you are doing, as and when you feel able. Warm wishes. Willow X 
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Many thanks.for your replies I think not leaving the house for weeks hasn’t done me any good. For some reason I’m afraid to go out alone I’ve not been out since mum went on holiday I haven’t asked dave to take me he does so much for me I don’t want to ask for any more from him…
Its bad enough when I was doing my meds last night thought I was getting on so well with the pill popper thingy I’d bought and then it came to the bottle opener I placed it over the bottle got stuck on the bottle and I couldn’t open the bottle all I’d managed to do was magnify the instructions for opening the bottle and cause dave more work we did have a giggle about it it was funny…
I tried last night going to the loo with the light on I was doing so well and the last thing I remember was telling myself your doing well and then 2 hours later I woke up
I really did enjoy my time in the garden with littlun even if it was a little too hot… I am trying really hard to focus on the positives and what I need to do around the house… Today we found a way for me to get dressed as my clothes are irritating my scar. It’s nice to be dressed even though it’s taking me ages but hey I did it. Next step is to work on getting out of the house for a walk again…
I don’t release to my family.too well I try to keep going and pretend I’m ok so eventually.it all comes out… Dave knows I’m in pain and will do all he can to make things easier for me but I’m trying to help myself with my gadget buying I’m going to see what I can get next…
I really.hope you have a good week and I appreciate you both thinking of me and being there
Thank you xx
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Hi @Ells it sounds to me that you are doing really well.
When I was in hospital they made me get dressed the day after my op saying that when you are in your jammies you feel like a patient, as soon as you get dressed you feel more like an ordinary person.
What an achievement getting dressed.
What would make you feel safer going for a walk?
Perhaps a walk round round the garden first?
Perhaps a walk out to the pavement?
Perhaps imagine your mum, Dave and/or his son is beside you.
Oh, I did laugh at your pill popper incident, it’s the sort of thing I would do.
I also laughed at your loo snooze and if I had slept for 2 hours I would wake up because I wanted to go to the loo again by then !!!
I hope the gadgets help you achieve more for yourself.
Perhaps turn negatives to positives.
Small steps make me feel as if I am achieving something and you have achieved so much, it is still early days since your op.
Keep posting about your week xx
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Hi @Erica
They didn’t bother telling me to do that one I made the decision on my own. They kept wanting me not to do things as I was a falls risk… So once I’d seen physio they were happy for me to do things for myself but the nurses didn’t want me to incase I fell so I just did it anyway
It is an achievement getting dressed as I don’t do it everyday like today it’s 50/50 I don’t feel like it at the moment but maybe in a bit when my.meds kick in a bit more I might want to.
Maybe it’s the fear of going out alone again. I had counselling for going shopping alone I have a fear of crowds and people looking at me and the what if I fall etc my anxiety got too much so I wouldn’t do things… I went through all this counselling to get me where I needed to be and then covid hit so I no longer go shopping even with dave to keep myself safe.
And now the longer I go not leaving the house the worse I’m going to get… I need to get my. Paperwork out I think and give myself some counselling so I will go out again walking. I go in the garden and walk around there OK. This Friday will be the first time I’ve left the house since mum’s left and thats cos daves taking me to get my bloods taken.
Oh yes i do wake for that but I also wake as my right foot is asleep my back is killing me my spine at the top omg I can’t explain that pain but it’s bruised from me leaning on the systern (not sure how you spell that:joy:) however last night for the first time since I don’t know when I slept all night in my own bed and woke at 5.55 for the loo… I couldn’t believe it when I saw the time 
The pull popper incident was so funny mum had a good laugh at that one too when I told her…
I will try to be more positive today is certainly a better day the headache I’ve had foraa few days I realised was actually a migraine so I took my meds this morning and got rid of it.
What a wally I am for not realising sooner…
This morning dave has gone out with my son to watch the new James bond film. As I’m.unable to sit through it I am going to do my nails 
.
I hope everyone is having a good week even though its raining here. Maybe the weather is better where you are…
Happy Thursday 
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Oh, I do enjoy your posts @Ells, I feel one of your family, although I would fight you for the loo at night.
I don’t think that you are a wally, just human, and self counselling sounds the best type of counselling to me, you have it with you all the time.
Eh, I think I have watched most of the James Bond film already with the previews on TV, and doing your nails sounds more fun and therapeutic to me, think of it as part of your course practice.
I hope going out and getting your bloods taken goes OK and that would definitely be a tick in the box, or perhaps even 2 ticks and a gold star if you also get dressed for the occasion.
Let us know how it goes and feels, yes, Happy Thursday.
Very autumnal where I am @Ells . I’m sure that the new Bond film is overrated and you’re not missing much! I continue to be in admiration of your positive thinking 
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Hi everybody. Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet. Lots going on. Just wanted to say I hope you are all taking care of yourself x
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Hi @Erica @Nichola75 & @franko
I bet you would. I think I’m going to have some fun the next couple of weeks with mum she’s coming again tomorrow 
I normally scare her when she comes in during the night
Yeah I guess so especially as it had been so long since my last one. I take meds every day to keep them under control so when I do get one it comes as a surprise to me now.
I now have the paperwork out so I can start the counselling and the physio exercises have begun I had already started them as I find them easier than the hospital ones but I now have those to hand to make sure I do all of them.
They enjoyed the film and tbh doing my nails I certainly enjoyed and I’m getting much better as doing them even if I say so myself
It is quite relaxing doing them and still takes me most of the day to do but hey ho that’s life.
The blood taking went OK although I said to them let’s play hunt the vein and then thry struggled to get my blood to come out
I have been quite lazy since and not got dressed but I have been trying to do things…
I’ll find out tomorrow i speak to haemotolgy.
It’s raining here this evening… Thank you I’m still trying so hard to be positive and now mums coming over she’s going to be coming out with me for daily walks which will start fro Thursday as I’ll have a walk Wednesday when I go to the hospital for my 6 week check up post op.
God to hear from you @Nichola75 hope it’s nothing bad going on.
I am doing my best to take care of myself. Keeping up with my exercises to aid recovery and its good for the arthritis too it’s a big struggle especially today I woke up at 10 so 3 hours late taking meds have suffered all day for it… But on the bright side I’ve been alert and fully aware of how much pain I’m in
Happy Monday everyone hope you’ve all had a good weekend xx
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Wow, @Ells I have to say what a difference in this post from you.
I love the new positive, will try, can do, girl.
Starting counselling and physio exercises, brilliant.
You can also see the progress in yourself which, is perhaps where it has to come from.
Is it really your 6 week post op check this week, have you got a list of questions to ask them, I need to write them all down as my mind goes blank as I walk into a medical building.
Go, @Ells, Go !!!
Please let us know how your appointment goes on Wednesday and look after yourself, it’s self care, not selfish.
See - you just needed to take it slow and be patient! You’re getting there!
I’m ok - daughters had Covid and now my mum so all been a bit manic to say the least!
Enjoy this special time with your mum X
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Hi @Erica & @Nichola75
Omg you have been busy I hope all is OK now.
@Erica yes it really is my 6 week check and well what can I say… I came out of there not very happy at all… Dave wasn’t allowed in with excuse not enough room so I was made to get out of the wheelchair to walk in so you can imagine my surprise when other carers walked in with people. I was also not happy with the consultant… I’m sick of being told by people it’s early days… And people not listening to me… When does it stop being early days? I told him there had been no change in me since week 2 that was his response. I also told him I was having a particularly bad day and his response to that was we have bad days… We’ll I could of hit him for that comment… I’ve got to go back and see him in 3 months for another check up… I know i shouldn’t compare myself to other people but 5 years ago when mum had her op she had more done and was discharged after 6 weeks. Surely that says something…
I said to Dave I just wish I could be told that this is it I’d be much happier and I could get on with my life and maybe have a small improvement along the way but being told in 3 months I’m going to improve loads when I know that’s not the case is just false hope… I’m not being negative as many people think I know my body and I know the difference between post op pain and pre op pains I was getting and I have the pre op pains. I’m being realistic and fed up of being in limbo it’s been going on far too long…
Haemotolgy went well my platelets have gone up a bit but still within the limits so im staying on the same level of meds for now. Down side my calcium levels are up but he thinks I’m not drinking enough so I’m to drink more and have another blood test in a couple of weeks. So I’ve stocked up on wine
I’m persevering with the exercises. Me and mum have been for a walk she made me walk to the next lamppost which was a big mistake so I sat on her walker to rest she offered to push me back and I said I’d like to see you try and she did it was hysterical. A few rest stops later we arrived home and dave couldn’t belive what he was seeing
She won’t be making that mistake again but now I know not to go that far. we’re going for in between next time it’s still going to be hard but I have to push myself a little…
I hope everyone had a good weekend we spent time in the garden with littlun playing doctors aparently I’m not going to make it but mum will 
Happy Monday everyone
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Oh @Ells I don’t know what to say apart from I think you did well, and probably the best thing, by not doing your consultant serious damage, it never looks good on your records.
Haematology was a bit more positive and I laughed when you said you were stocking up with wine, I am glad you are in good ‘spirits’. !!!
I bet Dave laughed when he saw your mum pushing you home.
I am glad Dr Littlun is enjoying his vocation and aren’t we lucky with the weather for the time of year.
It was my husbands birthday on Sunday so it was a birthday weekend of eating everything we shouldn’t, back to the healthy eating today.
Have a happy week and never loose your sense of humour, I do look forward to your posts.
Hi @Erica
Probably is for the best. I’ve Calmed down and trying not to think about it as it winds me up.
It is positive news from haemotolgy and in trying hard to drink more it is a struggle with the drinks cabinet taking a battering
Dave did have a good laugh he was working at the time so god knows what he was saying on the phone
Oh yes he loves his vocation mum was in fits of laughter at being fixed by him so much fun.
Oh i do love a good birthday weekend so we can stop the diet for a bit.
We have had a walk this week we didn’t go as far this time so no pushing home was a struggle it’s taking a long time getting my walking back but I’m still sticking with it… And with the exercises maybe if I wasn’t drinking so much I’d be better at it … Today I tried my hand at giving mum a manicure she loved it and said I wasn’t too bad next time I see her wi would of done more of my course and she’ll be getting false nails she’s quite happy to be my Guinea pig…
Happy Thursday hope everyone is having a great week
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