Ive just started daring the most beautiful amazing young lady. During our first date she mentioned “because of the illness…”, but didnt allude any more to what it was.
Later on in the date, something else was mentioned and I asked what it was. She broke down, and through further conversation, shes really struggling to even mention the C word. Shes not been going (at least recently) to any appointments after being released from hospital.
I’m so worried about her mentally coping with what shes going through, and obviously the lack of professional imput regarding her illness.
Until I met her I’ve had zero information on BC, so its all very new in terms of understanding the inital treatment, where she is now and where she should be going. Any questions can trigger massive upset and fear, so I guess Im here just to try and do the right things as I do my best to support her.
Where she appears to be at, is a fundimental “ignorance is bliss” sentiment, whilst doing everything to just keep going “normally” and be strong for her two older boys. Is there anything I should be doing by default to keep her safe? As far as I know treatment was at the end of Covid so she’ll be approximately two years in.
Hi @Brownishduck746 what a caring person you appear to be and I am so glad that you have posted on here.
The question you ask is so difficult to answer I think.
I think everyone deals with their conditions in different times and in different ways.
It is also their responsibility to manage their conditions in their own ways.
Sometimes the emotional impact can be the hardest part.
Personally I think all you can do is be there for her if and when she wants to talk, you say you have just started dating so it is early days.
Perhaps I do not want someone to try and control me.
Sometimes our conditions do not follow the logical and traditional routes of other conditions and different blood cancers are very different.
We are here for you as well and I wonder how you are coping?
There is also an impact on you as well if you see or hope for a longer term relationship.
Perhaps just be patient and keep posting and if you would like to speak to someone the Blood cancer UK support line is there for you on 0808 2080 888.
Just enjoy and be kind to yourselves
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I’ll absolutely take your advice on board. I suppose I’ve got be ready for when she is ready to talk and be aware of whether comfort or solutions are required.
I’ll see how we go and pop back if theres any more information etc that I might need help either understanding or digesting myself.
Hopefully this the start of a long journey together
Again thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
What a lovely partner you are. It’s not easy dating with a cancer. When do you tell the person, how will they react, will they leave when the going gets tough.
It does sound like she may benefit from some counselling. Being diagnosed with a life changing illness takes some coming to terms with.
I thought I was doing well until a year later when I found myself not knowing where I belonged and it took a lot for me to ask for help as a single mum. I was always the strong resilient one very independent. My consultant was brilliant and referred me straight away to a clinical psychologist. It took 18 months to be able to cope without him.
I was diagnosed with PTSD due to a life changing illness.
I can understand being strong for the kids. Mine have seen me at my most vulnerable but I have also encouraged them to live their lives and not be my carer I can do that.
Saying the C word is like admitting something is wrong or it’s just scary for some
Just be the loving supportive partner. Be encouraging to keep appointments don’t take it personally if there is push back appointments cause anxiety
We are living more with cancer and while we can’t make it pretty it’s not as scary as we think.
I think that’s where she is. Shes an amazing strong beautiful woman, but you can see she’s carrying so much… and is afraid too. I know I cant fix anything, I cant change the past, but I know I can hold her hand going forwards and hopefully navigate this next chapter together.
Admitting you need help is probably one of the hardest things to do. Its that further jump into the unknown, facing those things that are causing you pain. I don’t want to push her to hard towards councelling or therepy as you need to be ready to give yourself to the process, especially if youre using every last piece of energy to avoid it.
I’m glad I took the time to post as I’m totally lost and I’m sure going forwards, I can pay it forward to the next person in my shoes. You are all so kind and helpful.
Hi Steve
Your a gem
Just keep sowing the little thought seeds
Asking for help will come
I think your doing amazing
As your journey together progresses I’m sure she will turn to you
Just be the beautiful you
