Hi , I was found to have smoldering 
myeloma in March after blood tests for vitB12 deficiency - bit of a shock.
The ct done to look at glands etc showed a breast lump. Now had surgery and radiotherapy - another shock.
However thats all done, just a bit whacked and now on ‘watch and wait’. Ive been told this will progress and need treatment.
Due back to work soon- any advice on feeling ‘normal’ again?
Ps , nurse in oncology centre…
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Hi @Jansis I am so glad that you have found us, welcome.
I was struck by how much has gone on for you since March.
I was still in initial shock phase after 3 mths.
I am not surprised that you feel whacked, just think what you have gone through emotionally, physically and practically.
I definitely found that scars might appear to have healed fairly quickly, but the whole toll on me took a lot, lot longer. It definitely manifested itself in fatigue or feeling whacked. My batteries depleted quickly, but took a very long while to build them back up.
I found that I rapidly found out what my pet hate was and that was people saying ‘oh, you do look well’ and I was feeling yukky and whacked on the inside.
I have found my new normal that means I manage my fatigue.
I found it very difficult to explain to work how I was feeling and what help I might need because I did not understand myself.
It sound as if you have a hectic job and some people negotiate coming back to work on reduced hours and building back up, however I realise you might have financial constraints. This can be better than burning yourself out.
I realised that nobody could possibly know how I was feeling or doing if I did not tell them. In hindsight I wish we had both communicated better.
Blood Cancer UK have a lot of information on their website and if you would like to talk to someone you can contact the Support Services Team on 0808 2080 888 (Mondays: 10am-7pm, Tuesdays-Fridays: 10am-4pm, Saturday, Sundays and Bank Holidays: 10am-1pm) or via email at support@bloodcancer.org.uk.
Take lots of care of yourself, you have been through so much and please keep posting what going on for you.
What are other’s experiences?
Thanks Erica, you describe exactly how I feel!
And yes, constantly being told how well I look when I feel so tired!
My work colleagues have been so suppportive
and kind thro all this.
It will be strange going back , trying to negotiate a phased return with occ health- theyre more concerned about my Covid risk .
Thanks for the info too re resources
Jansis x
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Hi @Jansis, I have found that it was my responsibility to educate people as I have become the expert, others might not really know about our conditions and what it feels like to be us. I am glad that you have so much support at work, it makes such a difference.
Hi @Jansis. @Ericas reply is a lot of what I would say to you. She describes it so well!
For me, I’m not sure I identify with ‘a new normal’ even after after four years on active monitoring for lymphoma.
That’s not me being negative - I just don’t want it to be my new normal so I just see it more as my journey which changes everyday. However, I have made some really positive changes. Rethinking my work life balance, only doing what I want to do and doing what I can to support blood cancer charities.
I feel frustrated by other people at times and their lack of understanding. However I know it’s not their fault and educating them is key.
I have learnt to become more vocal and not worry too much about what others think. My well being is paramount and if that means reducing my hours, taking a day off when I need to, telling people I’m having a bad day or not going somewhere then I will now do it (this didn’t happen overnight I can assure you -I’ve become braver! 
) Real friends will understand my decisions.
I’ve enjoyed going back to work to some extent and your work sounds really supportive which is great! Take each day as it comes - you’ll get to know what works for you.
Please keep posting and let us know how your return to work goes.
Sending lots of love X
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