Non Hodgkin large B Cell Lymphoma


I’m new to forums and a little worried, I was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin large B Cell Lymphoma on my spine last June and within 2 days I was was being treated with chemotherapy. This was a shock to the system and the next few months have been a whirlwind. I was told in January this year that the tumour has gone from my spine, but something has shown up in the lining of my stomach area, it is small but the can’t do any biopsies as it is to difficult to reach, but the hospital is happy to still say that I’m in complete remission. I don’t understand why they say I’m in remission when something is there. My family, friends and work have been amazing all the way through this and are overjoyed about the remission, but I don’t feel as if I’m in remission because of the stomach issue, plus I don’t feel as if I’ve had cancer, instead I’ve had a bug and had antibiotics to make me better, I’m not sure if I feel this way because I may not of accepted that I’ve had cancer, as I don’t feel as if I’ve been that poorly, and I think some people have been worse than me, my family think I’ve been great dealing with this, but again I’ve worried about them as I don’t want to see them worried about me. I don’t know if this is normal or am I going to get a big reality check later on realising I have had cancer. Has anyone else felt like this, some feedback would be great.
Thanks Ali C


A great big welcome @Alic and reading your post, although I have another blood cancer, I really remember such similar thoughts and feelings.
I remember wanting to pull the blood cancer out of me.
I have been very lucky not to have treatment, but it appears you did not get a chance to get your head round it all before starting treatment, it took me a long while to get round my fear, shock, denial and anxiety.
I am so glad that you have such good support around you but if you would like to talk to someone the Blood Cancer UK support line is there for you on 0808 2080 888.
I find this forum very supportive.
You have gone through so much in 8 mths and I know the feeling that I should be ‘happy’ but I did not feel it. I now know it it not a competition of comparing myself to others. I also remember trying to protect family, work and friends, but it did not do any of us any favours, especially with work.
I think absolutely everything you have said is completely normal.
Perhaps ask someone that has been treating you about whatever is going on in your stomach as it will naturally be worrying you.
I would say to give yourself time and be very kind to yourself.
I look forward to hearing more about you

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Hello Alice and welcome.
I have NHL too but mine is the follicular type. I was first diagnosed five years ago. I also had chemo and following that my cancer has been classed as stable despite never having gone.
I found that it’s good to be kind to yourself. You have been through a really tough journey and your reaction can be a common defence way to cope with all the anxiety cancer brings. It’s good to recognise it though. Talking to others really helped me in groups like this and recognising I wasn’t alone in how I was feeling.
It is hard when friends and family think you are all ok when they have no idea that inside you have this constant worry.
We are all here for you.

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