As I write this I am 2 and half years into remission from Acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) and stem cell transplant. I realise now that during my 7 month stay I put a brave face on my illness for the sake of my kids and family, and referred to being ill as having a ‘bug’, but I I think it’s only recently that I am starting to reflect on how poorly I was. Obviously everyone and everything has returned to normal, so I am left with these tricky feelings and emotions and not sure how to deal with them. I feel completely dissociated from it and I realise this was my way of coping. Has anyone experienced anything similar, would be really good to connect, and to be reassured that I am not going bonkers!!! Many thanks in advance, Nina
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Hi @Nina firstly I do not think that you are going bonkers, but it is how you feel, not me.
Personally I think you have a very good protection mechanism and personal insight and now those tricky feelings and emotions are feeling it is safer to pop up.
Yes, everyone and everything around you has returned to normal but perhaps you are starting to return to your new normal.
I can really relate to going through something similar and I actually found that some talking therapy helped me.
Your GP might be able to suggest local services, your hospital might have Macmillan or Maggies services (or equivalent), your employers, any insurance you might have or privately via BACP or UKCP directories etc.
Give yourself time and be very kind to yourself.
I also have a smiley default mask
Please do keep posting how you are doing. The value of our forum is perhaps that we understand as others cannot.
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Thank you @Erica for your kind words. It sure is a rollercoaster. It’s very reassuring to know that the feelings are ‘normal’ and the fear of relapse, or the fear of getting another type of cancer is common and not trusting my body. I am so grateful to still be here, and think only now am I allowing myself to actually be honest about how scared I actually was, and the smiles and positivity were a coping strategy. As a lovely, kind nurse from UCLH said to me, ‘this too will pass’ and it’s still holds true today x
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