Hello,
Please excuse the username — I’ve been browsing this forum for a few weeks and wanted to stay anonymous incase anybody I know stumbles across this (unlikely, I know!)
I am a 26 year old female who recently lost her own mother in March. Admittedly, I developed health anxiety due to this which led me to struggle between differentiating genuine health concerns from anxiety which led me to avoid the doctors for a while.
On Monday, I built up the courage and went to discuss my symptoms which are: aching joints (particularly shins, right hip and right elbow), bleeding gums and breathlessness. I noted bad bruising June-August but it stopped after increasing iron September-October.
In the hours before posting this I noticed a strange bruise/cut under my skin and possible petechiae (I’m not medically versed to know if it is or isn’t as it isn’t a rash/cluster but it looks like small brown pin pricks).
The doctors have given me a blood sheet to book with the difficult bloods clinic (I have severe needle phobia & PTSD with needles) that will test pretty much everything from a full blood count to vitamins, iron, thyroid, liver etc but I am yet to build the courage up to go.
I was wholeheartedly honest about my leukaemia fears with the doctor and I appreciate the blood draw referral but I just feel like I am going to be told that I do have it and I feel so alone with nobody to talk too about my concerns. I don’t know what is wrong with me, and I know I won’t till I get my bloods done and the results, but I have never felt this scared about anything.
edit - sorry for rambling, this post is so long!
Oh @mrsmalfoy a great big welcome I am so glad that you have found us, although I hope you do not need us. You are now part of our forum family, so never alone.
Firstly I am so sorry to hear you lost your own mother in March.
I was really impressed by your personal insight into your health anxieties.
Perhaps it sounds as if a comprehensive blood test is the way forward to rule diagnosis in or out.
Perhaps tell the blood test clinic about your needle phobia and ask for their help.
You say you have a fear of leukaemia, if you do not mind can I ask why.
My anxious mind can just whizz around with thoughts and feelings, ‘what if’s’ etc.
Personally I am better off knowing if there is something wrong with me or not.
We are here for you so you can say how it really is for you.
The Blood Cancer UK support line is there for you on 0808 2080 888
Thank you for having the courage to post, be very kind to yourself and please do let us know how you get on.
Hello @mrsmalfoy. I do hope you find out if there is anything serious wrong soonest. I do hope it may not be serious. Don’t be afraid to tell the Blood nurses of your fears. I have always found them to be very helpful, and experienced enough to put me at ease. I don’t have needle phobia, but I am never keen, so always turn my head away and close my eyes. You also may find taking a couple of paracetamol half an hour before your appointment helps.
It is a difficult thing feeling terrified to know, and perhaps even more terrified not to know. Do you have someone, family or friend, to go with you to an appointment for reassurance and support.
@Erica is right that this forum family will be here for you if and when needed, so do feel that you can express your fears as often as you need. I have found the support very helpful for my chronic condition.
I am so sorry you have lost your mother, far earlier than ever expected, especially as this may be a time you feel you really need her. There is never a good time to lose one’s mother, but as a young woman it is especially hard.
I wish you all the very best. You will see that most of us use a user name, to make it easier to feel free to talk. You don’t need to apologise. It certainly gives a degree of anonymity that make is easier to unburden.
Do share your results if you feel able to. Take care.
Bless you
Re the needle phobia ask for a butterfly needle
They use these for children and I have one when having my bloods done as they don’t hurt and seem to go in a lot easier.
Our minds are really good at telling us fearful things and rarely tells us what if all is good etc when we are in this fearful state
I would gently suggest to get the blood tests done as soon as you can because having knowledge is power and if you need treatment it can be started sooner rather than later
I’m sorry to hear you have recently lost your mum I’m sure that is adding to your anxiety about everything too.
Make that first step to getting some control back
It’s like asking for help the first step is always the hardest they get easier from there
@mrsmalfoy (great name btw and i also choose to stay anonymous)
It’s understandable for you to feel this way after suffering such a loss.
As the commments above mention, our minds can whizz around and have a tendency to take us to the worst case scenario.
I can only comment from my personal experience, but the fear i felt prior to my diagnosis was through the roof, and when i actually received the diagnosis and treatment plan i felt such a relief and even calm. Nothing I’ve experienced over the last year was worse than the 24 hour period of not knowing.
We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and can only imagine what difficult time this must have been for you and your family.
Please know that our Support Services team are here for you, so if you would ever like to talk things through or feel you need more support please get in touch. You can email us at support@bloodcancer.org.uk, or give us a call on 0808 2080 888 .
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a worrying time and it is understandable that you are feeling worried and have valid concerns.
It’s good to hear that you have taken the first step in contacting the doctor, we would strongly encourage that you speak to a member of your healthcare team as soon as you can about any additional symptoms you may experience. It is useful that you shared with the GP that it is leukaemia, in particular that you are worried about as this disease shares a lot of symptoms to many different medical conditions and may not have been at the forefront of their mind, but by sharing this information they should request relevant tests for you.
You may find our 'Blood cancer symptoms and signs’ page helpful to read - it contains information on what to look out for, as well as prompts for questions you might like to ask your doctor.
As it explains on the webpage:
"Most people who have symptoms described on this page won’t have blood cancer. But it’s worrying to have symptoms you can’t explain, and important to find out what’s causing them, if only to set your mind at rest.”
If you have just one symptom that you can’t explain, that goes on for a long time, or is unusual for you, book an appointment with your GP. If you suddenly feel very unwell at any time, get medical help straight away by calling 999 or going to A&E.
It is understandably a worrying time especially if you have a needle phobia. It may be worth having a chat with one of the nurses or doctors prior to getting your bloods taken to explain your phobia and they will talk things through with you before this appointment, they may be able to offer medications or suggestions to help with this.
As you mentioned, one of the first tests that would be done to investigate someone’s health is a full blood count, which measures the number of each type of cell in your blood: red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets. We have information about normal ranges on our website, and you can read more about each of the tests that might be done to confirm or rule out blood cancer here: bloodcancer.org.uk/understanding-blood-cancer/tests-diagnosis.