Waiting for a loved one to pass

I came across this site by chance. I have been searching online since my Dad who is 83 with full mental acuity was told that he has weeks to go. He has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia 3 years ago and has had chemo since then. Last week the consultant informed him that they will stop the chemo as it is no longer effective and that he should consider being referred to community palliative team. I have been in shock since this news and don’t know what to do. What should I be doing? My life is at a standstill while waiting for my much loved dad to die. Is there not anything else that can be done? It so unbearable and I really need help pls.


Oh @Tonero23 I cannot imagine how you are feeling and it is no wonder that you are in shock.
I will copy your post to the Blood Cancer UK nurse advisors @BloodCancerUK_Nurses and The Blood Cancer UK support line is 0808 2080 888 if you would just like to talk to someone, they are lovely.
You ask what you should be doing, can you honestly talk to your dad and see how he is thinking and feeling and what he wants to.
Does your dad want to consider a second opinion or consider applying to go on a trial, if there was a suitable one available. You can ask Blood Cancer UK about these options.
Probably your dad, and perhaps with you, needs to talk to his GP about the way forward.
You might also consider talking to your GP about support for yourself
Perhaps your dad might like help with doing practical things.
Do lovely things together and create lovely memories.
Really look after and be very kind to yourselves, spoil yourselves and please keep posting.


Bless you both
There is no wrong or right way to be when faced with death.
Continue being the loving daughter that you are.

These are precious moments grab them and don’t waste them wondering if your doing the right thing follow the love and your heart

Dad will be scared too he won’t want to leave you
Try and have the most honest conversations you will ever have


Hi @Tonero23,
I am so pleased you have found us. It is no wonder you are feeling at a standstill as the news you have been given must be so very difficult to digest & understand.
Having been told dad’s treatment is stopping must be so difficult for you all to come to terms with. Therefore please do know we are here for you 0808 2080 888.

Can I ask how your dad is coping?

I also wondered if your dad has been given any support from his team since being told treatment will stop or indeed a follow up appointment to discuss things further?

Again Please do know we are here for you

Take care, Lauran


No words of wisdom but didn’t want to read and move on. Ive just experienced this very recently (my dad had a different cancer) and it was the greatest privilege of my life to be there for him every step of the way. We left nothing unsaid and i know, as imperfect as i am, that i did my best and it was more than good enough, right to his end. These kind of days are so important, they feel heavy and it can be hard to breathe but you get through them, bit by bit and they dont last forever. Though you wish the person could, always. I know we all do this differently but i promise, we can do much harder things than we think. And that includes letting those we adore and love go. My heart goes out to you


Hello @Tonero23
I just wanted to repeat @LauranBloodCancerUK’s offer of support from us here. It must be such a shock to hear the news about your Dad. In terms of what you can do, I would suggest spending time with your Dad to hear what he would like support with? It may be useful, with your Dad’s consent, if you are able to speak to his treatment team about the decision that has been made so that you understand their process. Does Dad have a Clinical Nurse Specialist that you could call? It is useful for you have a supportive contact when there is such significant issues to discuss and consider.
Please do know we are here if you should need to talk.
Kind regards