What words or phrases help you through the difficult days?

General chat
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Wow, what a thread to come back to after the weekend! :heart_eyes: I adore these responses, and am actually adding many of them to my personal ‘list’.

@Nichola75, I really resonate with the not liking being called brave - and often said ‘well, what’s the alternative?’. That made for a few awkward moments, let me tell you.

@Duncan, ah you clocked my dislike of ‘toxic positivity’ :grin: and I fully agree with the discomfort of war language in relation to cancer. Imagine if we talked about pother health issues that way? I’d never heard ‘rest and resume’ but it has really landed with me, thank you.

@Erica, I’m sure many of us nodded knowlingly when you mentioned the ‘default smiley mask’. And what a great list of sayings - I particularly like ‘time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time’ and ‘why ruin today with something that may not happen tomorrow’. And yes, all easier said than done, right?

@Rammie18, another one I’ve not come across before! Is it from somewhere specific? I like it a lot, especially remembering that even bad experiences are something we can learn from.

@DuncanB, that’s a simple but effective one and absolutely one of my go-tos. But it can be incredibly challenging to just stay in the moment/in the day, I find.

@Willow, “there is strength in your softness” is just beautiful. I often think that maintaining and encouraging softenss in such an often-hard world is an incredible act of resistance/resilience. Thank you for sharing your wonderdul poem. May I print it out for my wall?

@Leigh65 I used to have ‘Progress Not Perfection’ framed above my desk at university! I’d like to understand the Sharon Salzberg quote a little more, I’ll have to do some reading.

@David293, that sounds like a lesson hard learned (and I can absolutely relate - I think I tied/tie a lot of my self worth to productivity, and cancer really challenged that).

I actually found another one that I liked over the weekend, too:

“my dear,
we are all made of water.
it’s okay to rage. sometimes
it’s okay to rest. to recede.” - Sanober Khan

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Hello @Ceri_BloodCancerUK This thread is great! So helpful and informative to read everyone’s responses. Of course, it’s fine to print out my poem. Thanks again for introducing this topic. Warm wishes to all. Willow x

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My little phrase to myself is “It’s pathway, not a road, so walking speed it is.” -still awaiting results and therefore a conclusive diagnose, which at times can be so frustrating.

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I have loved reading these, and pulling strength from them in fact. One of the previous support nurses on here once said to me “focus on what’s in front rather than what’s ahead” and I’ve found that life-changing when I manage it. It allows me to stop, reflect and consider, in that moment, what’s most needed and what’s simply, for another day.

@Erica also added her phrase re 7/10 and if that’s your best, then you’ve given your best (I’m paraphrasing her terribly!) but she’ll never know how much permission that gave me to falter, reset, pause and stop the “I’m getting this all wrong” and indeed let myself off the hook for days filled with lots of imperfections.

@Willow your talk of ‘strength in your softness’ came just at the right moment and gave me words I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for that.

My beautiful friend who I lost when we were both 44 said “we can do hard things" repeatedly after her diagnosis and as her life’s end loomed. Indeed I wear that in her writing on a necklace that I’ve never taken off since her diagnosis (she’s gone almost 6yrs!). These too are words to live by and they allow the retort of “but I don’t want to do hard things” and then I pick myself up again

Thanks to all of you and to @Ceri_BloodCancerUK for starting this. I’m being lifted by all of you in this and am grateful amidst current challenges

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Another phrase that helped me a lot to stay in the right frame of mind is:

Focus on what you can influence and let go of what you can’t control.

I can influence what I eat, how active I want to be and how I choose to use my energy for example.

I can’t control the way cancer develops or progresses but I can work with the clinical team who are looking after me and do what they ask.

Hope that’s helpful.

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Neat topic, thanks. I, too, don’t like being told I’m brave, and it’s the go-to in France (tu es courageuse). They say it for everything: problems at work, even having to put the car in for maintenance LOL. Only with close friends, I have said something like, I’d rather not be brave!

Actually I have sort of the mirror version of this thread. Once diagnosed, I realized that often, in my head, I would say “I’m sick of this” for all sorts of situations. Now that I’m actually sick, I don’t say that as much in my head any more. I literally catch my thoughts when they’re saying that, and reformulate them. I don’t want to say I’m sick of anything, because I really am sick. Weird.

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Funny how the mind works @Calathea

Hopefully doing okay overall.

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Hi @Calathea great to hear from you again, you have really made me think about the language I use.

I am a great one for reformulating or reframing my thoughts and words.

Thank you and really look after yourself

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@Erica @DuncanB Doing well, thanks, and I hope you both are, too. Seeing hemo next week. Already two years and a bit in!

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