Thankyou all for kind words and advice. I have managed to sleep in my bed despite being woken up by muscle spasm. It is rather painful getting out of bed but able to function enough to get breakfast after a rest in my chair.
My daughter has been wonderful sorting out most of my issues. The next issue is flashing red light on the dashboard water area. My husband always looked after water, oil! Tyre pressure and getting fuel. I will have to seek help from my garage man as I am hopeless at unscrewing caps on things, my mouthwash bottle top defeats me.
My INR has shot up to 4.9 on Friday! Another test on Wednesday, Appoint for a lung function test and another for the gall stones. I am being looked after by the nhs. Haematology telephone consultation was told my bloods are good and keep taking the pills. Just the rest of me falling apart. Pouring with rain outside, had to put the heating on as feeling chilly. Let’s hope for some sun tomorrow. Marylin
Oh @Marylin firstly I am so glad that you put the heating on when you got a bit chilly, self care is so important and if I get cold I tense up which does not help my back.
I also feel as if I am falling apart at the moment, it is not a positive feeling is it.
Just keeping up to date and organised with NHS appointments I feel is a full time job, let alone anything else.
Then final straw time a pesky flashing light on the dashboard, I remember that happening to me when I was having a really stressful time and I just burst into floods of tears in the car. It turned out to be a light that only flashes when the outside temperature goes below 3 degrees.
It is my bleach tops which defeat me, especially as I would rather not end up with bleach everywhere. Even a ring topped chicken soup tin squirted all over me just as I got the lid finally off yesterday and yes, I did have a clean top on.
Please do keep posting how you really are doing and feeling on here, look after yourself I think that you are doing brilliantly xxxxx
Erica I am so sorry you are falling apart too, it is so difficult to find motivation to do anything. I put the dog in the car and drove several hundred yards to the the green space on the estate. Pip didn’t seem to want to run about very far. So put her back in the car and drove back. After that effort I was exhausted. I feel ridiculous that just doing that will tire me out for the rest of the day.
My daughter bought some of those delicious M. & S profiteroles, I had two for my tea this evening, .not good for the diet but can’t resist that yummee salted caramel topping. Ultimate comfort food.
I feel I as if I should be weeping and wailing but all those emotions seems to be securely locked in and surrounded by tense muscle at the base of my spine. Somehow I have got to find the key to release it or I will be heading into a deep pain filled depression and no husband to chivvy me out of it. He was very good at identifying the approach of depression. I know everyone has a different way of grieving, I just can’t find mine but I will keep trying.
Marylin
Oh @Marylin perhaps you cannot unlock or force grieving, as my son would say ‘it is what it is’ and unique to each person and sometimes not all about weeping and wailing.
I expect Pip is going through it too.
Do you feel a GP appointment might help you at all?
We are here for you perhaps, and it is so difficult for me to do, now is a time to ask for and accept help.
Sending lots of love xxxx
Just when you think you have hit rock bottom and nothing else can go wrong,then it does. My 6’2” 52 year old little boy went to China on business on the way back from the funeral and ended up in a Chinese hospital with pneumonia. He has just managed to leave China for Auckland and then final flight to Christchurch. I suspect it is going to take him some time for him to get over the pneumonia or maybe it was the virus that the Chinese don’t mention.
INR. And blood pressure test tomorrow morning for me, it was 4.4 at the test on Wednesday. Then telephone consultation with gastric surgeons I think they want to get rid my. Gaul stones. I am not to sure about having any procedures at the moment but will be guided by them. Also have a lung function test in the near future.
The lovely chaps at the garage had a look to find the cause of flashing light, the diagnostic computer thought all ok but the chaps would like to do further tests at the end of the week.
It is the dogs turn next week. To have teeth cleaned and claws clipped. Hopefully Dog, car and myself will end up cleaned and cured. Oh I forgot to say I am having another visit to chiropractor on Thursday in the hope easing the block of pain in my lower back.
My daughter took me to a nursery on Saturday, I only took my rollator and could get very fa4 as in too great a pain. Will take mobility scooter next time. Did buy two pinks, they have such a lovely spiced perfume. Time for bed I suppose, the dog has disappeared so I expect she has taken herself to bed. Goodnight all, Marylin
Oh @Marylin I am speechless, I just do not know how you are coping, but you are, I so admire you.
I think there is a difference between all the practical issues and the ones you are emotionally invested in.
For me those maternal feelings immediately kick in and then your son is so far away as well.
Yes, it will take him time to recover at least he is near Christchurch now.
I really hope the chiropractor can ease the block of your pain in your lower back.
Oh, I love pinks, the smell, and the pretty flowers.
Please do keep posting how the dog, car, your son and especially you are doing!!
Good night to you
Idont think I am coping, I just manage to get d washed, dressed and a. Short walk before being assailed by another wave of fatigue. I exist on meals that are pre prepared by my carer and just need minutes in the microwave. I usually set myself one thing to achieve per day, such as getting the home insurance direct debit moved to my account.
I have been so successful in the dog Pips diet that she can now slip through the fence railings. Twice neighbours have brought her back from her wandering. My carer and I have tried to carry out temporary repairs until Monday when we can get some netting and cable ties. The vet should be pleased with her sylphlike outline though. The car is still in the garage being diagnosed. Not that feel much like driving at the moment.
The gastric consultant and I agreed that now was not the time for me to undergo any non emergency procedures. I just don’t feel up to it. My back has improved slightly after last visit to chiropractor. I am Having to carefully consider any bending and lifting activity. However I am still manage to raise my Sherry glass if I put it in a wine glass without spilling it. Cheers andgoodnight Marylin
Oh, Morning @Marylin I am very impressed by newly sylphlike Pips adventures, but also more work and worries for you.
You still have a lot on your plate through.
Thank goodness for a sensible gastric consultant.
As you know I am not a medical person, but grief, loss, loneliness etc. I believe takes a tremendous emotional, psychological, physical, medical, practical and fatigue toll on a person and their body for as long as it takes.
It’s OK to just have the carers meals for as long as it takes.
Look how long it takes a car to be diagnosed, we are far more complex beings and we can’t just replace a part with a new one.
Perhaps just a 1/4 or 1/2 a task is enough.
I raise a mug of hot chocolate to you, good morning to you, I think you are doing brilliantly.
Sending you hugs xx
Hi Marylin
Sorry to hear you are not feeling too great
PiP being an escape artist whilst good and agreeable for the vet sounds like hard work for you !
You have a lot going on and I think you are doing great, or as @Erica says brilliantly in fact
Take care , thinking of you x
Thankyou for your words of encouragement. Have been feeling extra tired of late, bit of a struggle to stay positive. I don’t know how the king manages. To carry out the physically demanding public appearances, same goes for the princess of wales, I wouldn’t have the energy to get dressed etc for such an occasion let alone stand for hours or look after 3 young children. It took all my energy to make a coffee whilst watching the TV.
Pip the dog has been to vets for teeth cleaning and claw clipping. Nearly £300. She now has to have several teeth out a mere £700.
The car has been diagnosed as needing a new water pump and two new rear tyres. If I don’t get the tyres done it won’t pass the MOT due soon. Lord know what that bill will be. My daughter is holidaying this week on a Greek island, so of course I must worry about them in the heat. Enough of my woes.
My son is back in NZ recovering from pneumonia. My back is much better but am being careful not to lift anything heavy.
I suppose I am living in hope of a good day feeling energetic when I wake up. Instead of barely managing to stagger to my chair letting Pip out en route. If I feel well enough I make a cup of tea and wait till my carer arrives.
Kep well everybody, Marylin
Oh @Marylin life does sound a struggle.
Pip and the car are obviously trying to see who is the one to cost you the most money and unfortunately my bet is that your car has now taken the lead.
Yes, we never stop worrying about our children do we, however far away they are.
I reckon all the above is very stressful and exhausting for you as well.
Thinking of you loads and please do keep posting
Be kind to yourself xxx
My car is back at last, it required a new water pump and kit, thank goodness we did notice the red light other wise it would likely have been a new engine. They repaired the driver rear door which couldn’t be opened from inside, two new rear tyres and an MOT test which it passed with flying colours. The dog and the car cost about the same give or take a few pounds. It has been washed and polished and is stood gleaming in the drive.
I took Pip for a walk using my mobility scooter this morning as no one was coming in today. All went well although I was tired out when I got back. My INR is playing up again so completely different dosage has been pprescribed. I think the 6 dose is rather a lot and wonder if it has caused the bleed in my left eye this morning which looks horrible.
![image|375x500](upload://knNp2XPLnY7Oj3Qj5cY4ZDU5PTy.
Above is Pip waiting for visitors.
Keep well
Marylin
You have done well today @Marylin and I am not surprised that you were tired when you got back with Pip
Please do get your eye checked out, and do let us know how you get on.xx
A big welcome @jakabasej4 and thanks for posting, yes, good advice.
I look forward to hearing more about you and what is going on for you.
Look after yourself and please do keep posting
Hi all
I haven’t posted for a while because I seem to be snowed under with issues such as insurances and direct debits. I find dealing with them utterly exhausting. I seem to do nothing but pay out money. The boiler went on the blink. Had to get a plumber out who said there were two valves leaking which needed replacing, goodness knows what that will cost.
I also have been feeling more tired and suffering with severe bloating. And tummy upsets. I saw a GP. Who added another 10 pills to my daily intake it has helped with the bloating. However the itches are worse so need to apply Doublebase cream more often. I have also had trouble getting my repeat prescription refilled there were five medicines that needed a review. First of all they said hadn’t ordered them but I could see on my online account that I had. Anyway it took about 5 hours of my carers time approx £80, chasing my prescription. Things are getting worse not better.
I tried to get a ramp to load my mobility scooter up but was told my car is too high for a ramp, if I had one it would be long and therefore too heavy to lift. Apparently I bneed a hoist fitted, a mere £2000.00. Given that my income has plummeted not going to happen at the moment.
Pip the dog has recovered from having her teeth out and is back to her happy little self. She tries to dictate to me to do what she wants when she wants. We have to have a conversation to sort out the pecking order then she waits several weeks before trying to takeover again. Jack Russells always think they know best, as do I!
Marylin
Oh @Marylin as you say you are snowed under with issues and it sounds mostly all costing money.
I am of an age were we were brought up not to talk about money, but i now realise the emotional psychological and practical effect money has on me, especially when all you seem to do is paying out money when you have less money coming in…
I also find sorting issues out is exhausting.
That plus your health issues and prescription problems.
As for Pip’s bid for dominance I reckon you have another battle on your hands there, yes, Jack Russell’s are cany dogs, but I am sure adorable.
You can only do what you can do and when you can do it.
The Blood Cancer UK support line on 0808 2080 888 and Macmillan cancer support on 0808 808 00 00 lines are there for you.
Be really kind to yourself and please do use us as a space to say how it really is for you.
Don’t be hard on yourself and be ever so kind to yourself, you are also living with your grief and being on your own.