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I’m so sad 😞 and I don’t know how to go on

My wonderful, kind most amazing partner sadly passed away in my arms at 04.05 Monday morning. I can’t believe he has gone. I’m hurting so very much and feel so sad. I can’t eat, sleep, settle to anything. I miss him so much x

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Oh @Hikerchick. I’m so sad to read this and form the short post I can already feel how much he meant to you.
I can only imagine how you are feeling and I think we would all feel exactly the same.
The only advice I can give is don’t think to far ahead. Take each day, or even each hour at a time. Have you got a good support system around you?
If you need to speak to somebody, don’t forget about the Blood Cancer UK support line. It’s there if you need them. Blood cancer information and support by phone and email | Blood Cancer UK
Please keep posting so that we can support you through this. Sending lots of love X

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Thank you @Nichola75 i really appreciate your reply. Sadly I have no support, Bernard and I were together for 12 years and were each other’s best friends. I have a son who is 15 but just because of circumstances they never met. I lived with Bernard mon-Thursday and then the other part of the week with my son. I don’t want to burden him with my grief. Unfortunately Bernard didn’t make a will nor divorce his wife so I’ve had to move out of the house that I’ve lived in with him for 12 years as it now legally belongs to her and she wants me out. I feel I’ve not only lost the person I love the most but also the place I spent so much time with him, all the sounds and smells and memories. I don’t know how to get through it, it feels so big and so difficult x

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Hi @Hikerchick. You have such a lot going on when all you need to do is grieve the loss of your partner. That’s so much to process in such a short space off time and you must just feel overwhelmed with everything.
You are definitely going to need some support to get through this.
I’m sure your son will know how upset you are?
How do you feel about calling the support line? X

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Thank you. I tried phoning the support line earlier but just got choked up I couldn’t speak so hung up. I’m going to try again tomorrow. My son has been amazing, I had organised lots of activities and sleepovers this week as I didn’t know how long Bernard would need me, he has offered to cancel everything to be with me. I will try again with the support line tomorrow. Thanks for being there for me tonight x

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Oh @Hikerchick I just don’t know what to say and I cannot imagine what you are thinking and feeling, we know how close you and Bernard were.
Thank you so much for turning to your friends here and support on this forum.
@Nichola75 has given you the Blood Cancer UK support line details if you would like to someone and don’t forget the Samaritans are there 24 hrs a day on 116 123.
I have just read your last post and I am so glad that your son is being amazing and such a support for you.
Grief can be so painful and you must be in shock as well.
Take so much care of yourself and we are here for you.

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@Erica thank you so much for replying. It all feels so unreal and because it happened so quickly I can’t begin to work out how I’m going to get through this. Thank you for being there for me x

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@Hikerchick perhaps it is just too much working out how you are going to get through your so, so painful feelings of grief, perhaps it is just putting one foot in front of each other at the moment and keep reaching out to us, helplines and your son. xx

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@Erica you’re right thank you. I just expected to be sorting things out, funeral arrangements, contacting people etc but his wife has said it’s her right to do all that, even though they’ve not spoken for 22years, so I feel at a loose end. I’m going to go with the getting through an hour at a time, that makes me feel less panicky xxx

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@Hikerchick, yes, an hour at a time or even a minute at a time sounds good to me.
Don’t forget your GP is also there for information and support at this time, I found that counselling helped me, it’s not for everyone and Cruse Bereavement Care is on 0808 808 1677​ or there might be other local bereavement counselling services in your area.
I am going to sign off now as one of the side effects of my leukaemia is fatigue and it is past my bedtime.
Be kind to yourself. xx

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Like @Erica has shared, there is lots of support you can access but only when you’re ready. I’m the meantime small steps X

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@Hikerchick I am very sorry to read of your loss and i think you are very brave just trying to cope hour by hour day by day Please don’t let the (ex) wife get to you too much, my sister ended up in much the same situation some years ago and I recall my old mother saying to her the wife is just trying to rewrite history and create a pretence but you know what the truth was and don’t have to live in her pretend world.

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@Ismo thank you very much for your message and it makes sense about what Bernard’s wife might be doing. Thank you for sharing that with me, it helps xx

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Wow, your mother was so wise @Ismo, thank you.

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@Hikerchick

Firstly my sincerest condolences for your sad loss…

I know the pain of having someone past in my arms, and the thought and remembering that moment still haunts me.

Though it was 7 years ago, I feel able to talk about what’s helped recover from my loss. I did my best to stay strong for those around me and be the supporting figure and put emotions aside to get things done but all it did was make the mountain steeper for me to climb at a later date. Speaking to someone independent really does help and although it can seem that they can’t empathise with how you are feelings or invested in your situation, the conversation and emotions can be purely focused on how you are feeling and helping you cope rather than you reflecting or thinking about how you look or sounding or feeling like they may gossip or filtering what you can and can’t say.

My GP was brilliant in setting up short and long term plans for me but I know consistent and good gps are a rare find… but just be insistent and persistent to what you want and what will help and support you in the next few days/weeks.

I’m so so sorry about your circumstances regarding you house.

I totally get it’s tough to talk and get what you want to say out, so I found writing letters which I could edit or change how it sounded helped… so that when I was able I could just hand it to someone or read it out to them.

Again my sincerest sympathies and I can say you’ve come to the right place for support. People on here are truely amazing and I’m indebted to their time, support and care.

Look after yourself and never feel alone.

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Hikerchick, I’m so sorry for your losses. Kind and gentle thoughts to you. xx

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@Rammie18 thank you so much for your reply and thank you for being so honest about it. None of it feels real yet. I’m trying so hard to be gentle with myself but the panic I feel is overwhelming. I tried going for a walk today but everything reminded me of Bernard even though I went somewhere new. I’m glad people here understand although I’m sorry they do as it means they are suffering too. Xx

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@hikerchick

Really wish I could take the pain away from you even if it’s just to get a break from it all…

I’m in no position to advise but with everything going on… physically mentally emotionally it’s an impossible task to juggle everything… So to avoid any guilt of not being strong to get through this as some may expect you to, small steps are still steps… And don’t beat yourself if you feel it’s backwards or things are caving in…

As painful as memories can be, be so thankful of the them too the good, as they will keep you warm and less lonely when you feel it.

Even with it being so raw… It’s hurts to remember but it’s all the reminders and memories is what keeps them always close to you today, tomorrow and always… is I think what trying to say…

And the ones that only you both know are sometimes the best ones… That no one can tarnish or take away from you.

Look after yourself… You’ve got this! X

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Thank you @Rammie18 , I found some wonderful photos of Bernard this evening and I’ve just sat and sobbed but I’m ok xxx

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I am so sorry to read about the loss of your partner. You must feel so overwhelmed with grief and my thoughts are with you. Keep writing and sharing your feelings - we’re here to support you xx

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