Hi. I’m 21 years old female and currently I live in Poland. My dad (47) lived in the UK for most of His life but He was also Polish. Today I came back to Poland after spending the night with my dying dad. He was admitted to the hospital for the 4th time and I decided to visit Him once more. He called me and said that He’s not going to be around for much longer. I immediately flew to the UK. He I came He was already bed-bound. My family was by his side all of the time. He was never alone for as long as a second. When I saw Him I did everything I could to hold back my tears. My cheerful energetic dad could not move at all. We were giving him drinks and feeding him because He wasn’t able to move his hands too much. He was taking tons of oxycodone that kept making his mind hazy. When oxycodone stopped working (usually after 2-4 hours) He was moaning out in pain. I could not bear it. My dear daddy was in so much pain… I have a half-sister that’s 11 years old. I took her for the visit two times and the day after the second visit He got so much worse. He wasn’t able to breathe on His own. He kept saying that his throat hurt terribly. After some more hours He lost the ability to talk. When He wanted to answer us something He just groaned. The rest of the family had to go home to get some rest. I was left for the night with my cousin and dad’s best friend. I saw Him dying for hours. His breathing became slower with every hour. I kept sitting at his side making sure that his mouth is dry because He had also lost the ability to swallow. He could not eat nor drink. I held his hand for all of the time. Kissing Him, telling Him that I love Him and singing songs. The nurses told us that He can hear us all the time. I just kept talking. Saying that I will be strong for Him and that we will always be together. We noticed that He kept trying to answer even after He lost the ability to blink and his eyes were only whites. I kept kissing Him and saying how important He is to me. I also said that it is okay to let go, that the pain will be over soon and He will feel calm. Unfortunately the time had come when He took his last breath. I started hugging Him, screaming, crying my eyes out, all of the nurses were with us, they helped me come to terms with what just happened. They loved my dad. He had such a kind heart, that’s why so many friends and people came to see Him in his last days. He finally let go. But I miss Him so much. My dear daddy was in so much pain and we could not do anything to help Him. When I was massaging and kissing Him I felt tumors on His body. I just wanted Him to live. I do not understand why this had to happen to Him. He was always such a great soul. We cannot comprehend it. All of my family is in this terrible state and they will be coming to Poland to make the funeral. I just do not know what to do right now. I cannot sleep. I cannot stop thinking about my dad. I just loved Him so much. He knew it and loved me too. Why did it had to end like this?
Oh @LionHeart I am so, so sorry to hear that you and your family lost your dad so recently.
I just cannot imagine what you are feeling and thinking at this time.
I expect that you are physically exhausted as well with all the travelling you have done recently.
I am so glad that your dad had you and your family around him at the end.
You are very young to lose a parent which makes it even more so wrong.
Another thing that I found is that often all the family members and friends will grieve in a different way and there is no right or wrong way.
Different cultures also grieve in different ways.
I feel so honoured to have have read your post, thank you for having the courage to write it.
Give yourself time to really grieve your loss, in my experience it takes a long while.
Be ever so kind to yourself and we are all here to support you.
I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s death and how difficult it was. I experienced a very similar situation with my dad last year. He died of bladder cancer and also could not eat or drink in his last days. It was horrible to witness.
There is no answer as to why it has to end like this. I ask myself the same question every day.
However, I also think about the fact that my dad was loved and he knew it, as your dad no doubt would also have done.
Please talk to as many people as you can about this and get some bereavement counselling if you feel you need it. Your grief is raw now but you will become accustomed to it and start to remember the good times. You will have happy days again even if some parts of those days will still feel sad missing him. My heart goes out to you.
@LionHeart, we are so very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with us here. We can only imagine how difficult a time this must be for you right now. We do hope that you’re surrounded by loved ones and have some support at this time? Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor for some support- there will likely be bereavement support that you can be connected to, as and when you feel ready.
If you want to talk things through please know our Support Team are here for you on 0808 2080 888. If any other members of our community also feel that they need some support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. (Blood cancer information and support by phone and email | Blood Cancer UK).
Take good care of yourself. We are thinking of you.
Oh @LionHeart, I’m so sorry to hear this. Not only have you the grief for your precious dad, but you’ve been through an awful ordeal, witnessing his protracted end. It’s a huge amount to process. As everyone else has said, please make sure you look after yourself and talk to friends, or get grief counselling.
I never know what to say when someone has died, because words seem so inadequate. But as one human to another, I send you my heartfelt condolences, and wish you well as you try to come to terms with this. X
Hi @LionHeart I just wanted to ask how you and your family are feeling and doing now.
Look after yourself
So very sorry for your loss. You are in the early stages of grieving and will still be shocked and trying to come to terms with your loss. Losing a parent is very traumatic. Everyone grieves differently, allow yourself the time and space to do it and accept the support of friends and family if you can. When you are ready perhaps have some counselling if you feel you need it. I was with both of my parents when they died 10 years apart and I’m so glad I was , they knew we were with them and how loved they were. I nursed my dad at home for the last 3 weeks so he could die at home I couldn’t do it for my mum as it was during the back end of covid but am thankful my brother and I were allowed to be with her I am a nurse and have been with many patients in their last hours and I consider it a privilege to have done so. It is the last thing we can do for someone and no one should die alone. Your dad died knowing he was loved and he is no longer in pain please take some comfort in that . You are stronger than you know just for being with him at the end. Take care of yourself
Hi thank You for asking actually it’s been tough few days lately. All of the phone calls and messages regarding condolences, discussing the funeral… I cry a lot during the days but I try to be strong somehow. I had a dream with my dad. I still think about Him most of the day. I have never had any experiences with funerals, deaths and I just cannot forget the look of my dad dying. I can’t stop crying even now. Life is so painful. It shouldn’t be like this…
Tomorrow I’m contacting my therapist so I may get some advices from Him…
Really thank You everyone I still cannot stop crying when I’m writing this, still not holding up too well but trying to keep talking to my family a lot even though they all live so far away… I have never seen such cruelness of life before. I always knew that life was unfair but to see the pain that some people go through everyday- I think I gained a completely different approach to life. It is truly so fragile…
But it’s also good to know that other people like some of You also went through similar situations and You managed. You’re still here. And that other people understand this pain. Because I don’t think everybody would… So many people of different ages, nationalities, his friends, co-workers are texting me and telling me good stories about Him. I’m so proud to be His daughter…
Oh @LionHeart all your feelings and tears are so natural and I think they show how much you loved your dad.
Yes, life is so fragile.
Give yourself time to grieve
We are all here for you, you are part of our forum family.
Loads of hugs
I think it is a brilliant idea to contact your therapist tomorrow.
Be ever so kind to yourself
Blood cancer is such a cruel disease, @LionHeart your emotions are still quite raw after losing your father, which is very understandable. It is very brave of you to share your feelings at this time of grief.
Although it was 25 years ago, I can still see my wife laying in her hospital bed as if it were yesterday. I can take some comfort in knowing that she didn’t suffer too much at the end because she was on a morphine driver. She was 44 years old when she died.
There is no right or wrong way to mourn your loss, only you can decide how.