I have end stage myelofibrosis and suffer with severe anaemia and fatigue. Is anyone like me, finding telephone calls from well meaning friends too much? I get exhausted having to speak to people on the phone and find texting or emailing much easier. Friends find it hard to understand as they want someone to talk to but I need peace and quiet. Even though I explain it, some still keep ringing. Can anyone identify with this? Thank you. Willow
Hi there. I unexpectedly needed an operation a month ago, and have had complications too. I told people that I was giving priority to my close family, and would contact them when I was up to it. I was lucky as my decision was respected. Have you an answerphone that you can switch on when you need time to yourself? Perhaps can you limit their calls to 10mins? Take care
Thank you so much for starting this topic @Willow - I certainly think there will be people who agree with you. Being on the phone can be exhausting, especially when it’s to lots of different people!
It sounds difficult that friends still call after you have explained how you feel about all of the calls, even though of course they are well-meaning! I do hope you’re doing okay at this time.
What a great topic, Willow, I so agree with you. I find phone calls are so intrusive when I am not well, it only takes that one ring. No matter what I say my husband only takes a message and says I will ring people back, I could cry when I have not got the oomph to contact people to tell them I just need some peace and quiet time to recuperate. I realise that friends are so well meaning and care about me. I also think some people feel that texts and emails are rather impersonal, even in this day and age. I think it is that ringing noise that really cuts into my personal space or wakes me up with a jolt. Today when I am doing OK I can laugh and think that the person ringing me would have finished what they were doing, not eating, not watching anything on TV that is about to end and not in need of a nap, a bath or the loo, I am just the sitting duck !!
Thank you Alice and Erica for your understanding. I have come to the conclusion that part of my difficulty with phone calls is that I get asked lots of (kind) questions as to how I am doing? I answer as best I can and then get given advice and people trying to ‘fix’ my situation. I then have to use up all my energy responding. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had asked for their advice! If only we were all better at listening to one another and not so quick to jump in with solutions or wanting to tell our own story! I am trying to be a better listener.
Ah, yes, people always want to give advice and fix me too. I think it is only to make them feel better. When I am not feeling well I usually have not got the energy and I cannot be bothered to get into long conversations. I think just being there to listen to someone say whatever they want, how they are and really feeling without interruption, fixing, turning the conversation onto themselves, changing the subject or to a story is a priceless friend. I need to practice it every day. Thank you @Willow for reminding me.
Hi, I completely understand. I definitely have times when talking actually feels like too much effort and I feel awful because I know people are only trying to help. I’ve started to be quite honest about this (In a nice way) and just hope friends/family understand. I will always text and call back but just when I’m ready - which is usually pretty soon after. Often, once I’ve spoken to them, I realise that actually it was really good to hear there voice and that perhaps avoidance wasn’t the best thing. Each day varies doesn’t it - it’s very hard! X
It’s good you’re able to be honest with family and friends about how you sometimes feel about phone calls @Nichola75
It sounds difficult because on the one hand you might already be feeling anxious and not up for talking to people but then you might have the added worry of missing their call, not picking up etc!
@Willow it sounds quite frustrating having people try to ‘fix’ your situation, as you say. You’re so right - People often really want to be problem solvers when sometimes all people need is just for them to listen.