It’s actually 16 yrs today since I was diagnosed and I can remember the day as if it were yesterday, I can replay it like a video with me as a spectator, but with all the fears, anxieties, absolute shock, thoughts and feelings. I thought I was the only person in the world in my situation. I was in an isolated bubble with the world going on around me. I watched the news on TV and thought how trivial it all was and that I was about to pop my clogs imminently. It’s been an emotional and medical rollercoaster since then, but I have been a very lucky girl. I still get that yukky feeling every time my blood tests or medical appointments are due. Over the years I have got to know myself emotionally, practically, medically,and physically. I am now far more emotional and can burst into tears at the least thing. Practically I am far less materialistic. My good family and friends are priceless and the best things in life are free. Medically I now understand what fatigue is, I don’t do evenings and I certainly know when an infection is looming and I have my emergency antibiotics supply. Physically I now try to keep fitter and eat more healthily. I know have the great, big, wonderful Bloodwise support network around me. I reflect on friends that have died and so, so many of my peers that have faced so many horrible challenges and continue to do so. Today I have a sickness, diarrhoea and shivering bug so I am on the sofa with my onesie on ( and about to retreat to my rather inviting bed) I did have an extra bubbly bath this morning, but I think I will pass on my hot chocolate tonight. What have your anniversaries been like?
Thanks for sharing Erica, the way you express your experience during a very difficult time for you sounds so vivid like your living it now. You are definitely a very lucky person Erica, and its great that over time you have got to know yourself so much better and who you are. Experiences change us and make us the people we are, the important thing is your aware of those emotions and what your able to do and how it impacts you. I am so glade you find support from Bloodwise and the Online Community Forum as a way of managing and coping with things that you go through. Hope you’re feeling better today, get well soon and hope your able to have the hot chocolate tonight.
Hi Erica. I hope you are beginning to feel better now. There are so many bugs going around at the moment. I stiil have an awful cough left over from last week, and is disturbing my sleep even more than it is usually disturbed. So much of what you say about your anniversary I can relate to, although your situation is different to mine. I was speaking with a relative who I had not seen for decades at the weekend, and in conversation (her husband died from cancer) she said “Oh, you’ve had chemo then?” As I filled her in on the operations, chemo, search for donor cells , SCT and RT I felt as if I was talking about somebody else. I recall anniversaries, but they are a time when I give thanks for my bonus years and the marvellous team who cared for me.
Hi Louise, Oh I am so sorry to hear you still have your awful cough and that it is still disturbing your sleep even more than usual. Disturbed sleep is miserable. Take lots of special care of yourself.