My sister died of an aggressive Lymphoma at the weekend. I have had Chronic lymphocytic leukaemia (CLL) for 21 yrs. She was only diagnosed in July this year and the end came very fast. I feel honoured to have been with her when she died, after a very quick dash to the West Country by me.
Yes, I am feeling Survivors Guilt.
She was 3 yrs younger than me and had appeared far healthier.
Over the years since my diagnosis I have lost many wonderful people blood cancers and other conditions and always felt Survivors Guilt.
My 2 best friends at school died several years ago and I am still here.
This year 2 very good friends died of other conditions and those feelings came back to me.
Is Survivors Guilt the right words to use? Is it just part of the grieving process?
Thank you for sharing @Erica and for your honesty. Firstly, my heart goes out to you as you have experienced so much loss. Please accept my condolences and a virtual hug at this incredibly sad time. I don’t know whether what I am going to say will help so please excuse my ramblings too! As you know I have a twin and in many ways she has always been the healthy one. In the midst of all my health challenges I have gained comfort from the fact that she isn’t having to go through all that I am going through. Then, three years ago she was diagnosed with an Myeloproliferative neoplasms (MPN) similar, but less complicated, than mine. Recently she has been having a really rough time and I am struggling with this. I feel I want to protect her from having to live with a blood cancer but it’s out of my control. Sorry to talk about my sister when you have just lost yours, but I suppose I am trying to say that how you are feeling is okay and makes sense. I think it probably is all part of grieving. We shouldn’t feel guilty although it’s a natural human reaction. None of us have any control over these diagnoses and all we can do is offer support, love and understanding which you always do so selflessly, @Erica. Thank you. I hope you can feel us supporting you virtually at this time. Willow xx
I am sad and sorry to learn about your Sister’s passing.
I think many of us in this forum have experienced some form of Survivors Guilt. I know Danae and I have both felt a deep sadness when we learn that someone we have met on our way has not made it. It is a time to sit in that moment and feel sorrow. That is human and okay.
My thoughts beyond that moment are, we could lose someone at any moment, for that is life. A loved one/someone close could no longer be here for many different reasons. Life is truly precious.
I also think that if that special person could tell us anything I don’t think they would want us to feel guilt. Their love and heart would want you to acknowledge the sadness but I think they would definitely want you to move on from that. Again, I repeat, life is precious and I feel they would want you to move on and live every minute in a positive place.
Sending love to you @Erica . Take some time and then move forward in that love
We are so very sorry to read of your sisters passing. We are glad to read you made it to the West Country in time to say goodbye and I am sure this was a huge comfort for your sister knowing you were there.
I don’t think I can add much to the really lovely comments you already have here but please do be gentle with yourself. You will be going through such a process of thoughts, feelings and emotions right now, whether grief or survivor guilt its important to recognise all of these feelings are normal, and like @SarahMum has said sometimes we just have to sit with that and take each day as it comes. Sadly all of these things are very much out of our control.
Please do know you have the whole community here for you, just the way you are always here for everyone else!
You are always welcome to call us if it would help to talk things through.
Sending love,
Heidi J (Support Services Nurse)
I’m was so sorry to hear your sad news. It all happened so quickly and you must be physically and emotionally exhausted.
I am so glad you travelled to be by your sisters side. It would have meant so much to her.
As everybody else has said, these feelings are so natural. It’s so much to process in such a small space of time and being so unexpected makes it so hard.
You have always said how important it is to be kind to yourself. I want you to remember these words and take extra special care of yourself. We are all here for you anytime of the day or night.
I’m so sorry to read of your loss and how it’s left you feeling. Sounds like survivor’s guilt alright and nothing I can add here will help like time passing, helping to smooth out that horrible grief.
Your sister will always be with you and you have all your loving memories of the two of you to sink into whenever you feel like it.
Like others have said we’re here for you and thank you for sharing, but personally I wish I could take you out for coffee and cake!
Hi @Erica. So sorry to hear of the lose of your sister. Have only just read your post, have been on holiday in Torquay. It must be very hard for you under the circumstances of your illness. Sending hugs. Lynda
Hi @Nichola75 thanks for asking. I have come to terms with the fact that my sister has died I think partly because of the distance that we lived apart and secondly because I was with her when she died and that it was such a blessing.
What I am having is that I feel like a wet achy rag, my fatigue has really taken hold and my internal thermostat is all over the place.
I take everything internally hence the delayed action. It will just take time.
Oh, @Erica… I’ve been away on holiday and only just read this thread, but you are in my thoughts today. Feelings of grief can be so very complex, especially if we aren’t particularly healthy ourselves. I hope you can get some peace through sleep and your hobbies as the days wear by. Glad to hear you were able to be with your sister, it would have been such a comfort am sure. Take care of your precious self, I would take you out for tea and chocolates if you lived closer, then we could go for a nosy walk together! Hugs xxxx
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